As I considered my support for GordonGekko to take on the mantle of crewleader in newly-vacated Chicago, I wondered what exactly made for the ideal candidate. What kind of profile makes for a good CL?

Looking towards the past, the answer is not so simple. Though 99% of crewleaders past, present and future will never achieve anything of note nor be remembered whatsoever, there words will live on, offering us clues into the history of criminal governing. 

Constipated, the infamous Gavrilo Princip figure behind the lengthy Fareham war, once said, while explaining why she shot her own RHM for a joke somebody else told:

"As jovial as I am and like good humor and have acknowledged such..."

While this speaks to someone who is genuinely very funny and loves good humor, is it not more appropriate to judge a leader on their actions? That perhaps being jovial and liking good humor and acknowledging such would discourage someone from hearing a joke told by a third-party and murdering their own RHM for it? Was this good leadership? It's difficult to say. 

Perhaps we can learn more from the great leader PlagueDoctor, who once said:

You know, if I had said to go desecrate a library, I would've said "go desecrate a library". I said to "go live out your sexual fantasies in a library", which, for normal people, means finding the romance section, picking out the dirtiest, nastiest book they've got, then going and jacking off in a bathroom somewhere.

Perhaps what a good leader does is lock up his soldiers in typically quiet and public places with copies of Pride and Prejudice, and refuse to let them out until the pages are sticking together. Is good, sensual prose the key to unlocking the formula? In building a well-read and sexually-satisfied crew, I can think of few more inspired innovations. 

But let's consider if what makes a good leader may in fact be the inability to understand them at all. What of a life where jokes told by unaffiliated parties didn't spell your murder, or where To Kill A Mockingbird didn't make you horny beyond function. 

No one exemplified this better than MikeTyson, whose brains were so liquidated his skull served as an over-elaborate soup container:

it'th me Mike. Iron Mike. I have a thmathhing idea to make thome theriouth cathh quick and unite our two citieth in peathe and prothperithy. I propothe we join fortheth and form a Lottery Thyndicate. The potential for thucthethth ith athtounding. 

There is something invigorating about it. Charismatic, in fact. Mike being as fondly remembered and well-loved as any leader in recent history would speak to that. Could complete and total incoherency be a boon for the modern crewleader? 

I can't tell you definitively. I think Gekko would make a fine leader, and as someone well-spoken and active in the streets, he would stand tall against this theory. 

What do you think?

I shall now put forward my totally confirmed theory that the Midwest cities are cursed forever and serve nothing more as cannon-fodder until the other cities decide to clear them out again.

Granted, Chicago this time took the first shot for once…but if you miss, is it really taking a shot at all?

Chicago is cursed…stay outta that scary place. Don’t mind me current sitting in said scary place because there happens to be free bodies I can loot here. That’s acceptable. I said so and my say is completely verified by some random hobo that I spent an hour talking about politics to. I’m sure he listened to every word!

But we’re talking about nominations for crew leaders here, so I’d have to say the best one you could get would be a lad who doesn’t care too much about themselves and is willing to put forward some decent effort while knowing there is a doomsday clock ticking in the background.

Or perhaps one who sexually fulfills the rest of their crew, however  that’s going to work. Maybe we all need to vent some steam. We’re all bored as fuck here anyway, maybe we need something completely insane to spice everyone back up.

I'm of course flattered to be thought of in such glowing terms by my LHM, ClamTubularagula.

A chance to serve...  that is my dream.  I hoped to kill or at least die in combat in this recent conflict, but our people were not involved.

I stand here as a totem of hard work and mischief avoidance.  I stand here as a worker, and Earner, and a striker.

I have followed, and will follow, the rules.

It is not the time for false modesty.  Were I to be given the most challenging district in this thing of ours, I am confident it would soon be a credit to all that is good in our world.

I agree, GordonGekko. There is no doubt in my mind any district placed under your stewardship would grow into something admired across all mafia communities. Certainly more than any other potential candidate who has lived a life in the background, never visiting the streets, and prepared to offer nothing in the way of engagement or new ideas. 

PlagueDoctor, if Chicago were truly cursed, it's my opinion that a leadership group including GordonGekko would live their lives like candles in the wind, never knowing who to cling to when the rain set in, I would've liked to know them but I was just a kid, their candle would burn out long before their legend ever did. Tickle those ivories, Gordon. 

Now I don't mean to speak out of turn, and I know that the opinion of a lowly Earner such as myself really does not matter, but I think that perhaps this might be exactly what we need to stop the retirement epidemic. If people are leaving the life of crime due to it all being "too mundane" or "a boring routine" (mind you, these are not my own words) then perhaps we need a known innovator like Gekko to be given a chance to leave his unique mark upon the world.

Clamtubularagula I like this idea. It's exciting. It stirs my insides as if they're doing the shake.

I think I can guarantee zero retirees if I was to lead a crew.  I won't divulge how I'd ensure this, but some discounted methods include killing everyone when they seem bored, and not actually having any members to start with.

This blue skies thinking, with serious consideration given to outcomes, is indicative of my skills.  Thank you.

There we were, now here we are.

As he steps forward he trips over his own feet slightly. He looks down as if surprised that something was in his path, only to reassure anyone watching that he did in fact trip over his own feet. He coughs, straightens his coat, then sly-ly looks around to see if anyone noticed. Based on the number of smiles, they noticed. 

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm not even sure this is worth your time. As an impartial judge I can say without a doubt the single greatest crew leader to ever exist does so currently. No need to look any further than Fluffy_Tummy. 

The facts are so astronomically one-sided I won't even bother listing them as I'd like to get back to my family sometime this month. 

Again, I promise I'm impartial and my FACTS are indisputable. Just trust me on this one. 

That is certainly an opinion to have, BigEasy, and I welcome you to it. 

Meanwhile, GordonGekko's case for a district of Chicago only grows stronger; every day he grows wealthier, more powerful, more enviable to the layperson. He is a contest-runner, a lottery-winner, a speech-giver. Who would retire out of a crew conducted by such a meastro? 

Who indeed, ClamTubularagula.  And whilst the question is indeed whether it's a question  of money, at this stage, several persons are asking WHY.

At this stage, I'd sacrifice all my ambitions for the merest acknowledgement from ImportantBusinessman

You need to give up the ghost, Gekko, ImportantBusinessman will never love you. Not the way I love you. He's broken. He's damaged. I'm not sure he's capable of love. That tank is empty. And you know what? I think it's gonna be a long, long time, til touchdown brings me 'round again to find, he's not the man you think he is at all, oh no no no, he's an ImportantBusinessman. 

"I am pleased that following his failed attempt at leadership previously in his life, Illuminatiated has decided to throw his hat back into the ring and once more prove to us all how clearly this man is the leader we're looking for." Georgette said, wondering when the announcement of his authorization would hit the streets so she could once again stand outside the party arguing with the bouncers about how if they're going to have public events they should allow the commoners in. 

Suddenly someone tugged on Georgette's sleeve and she leaned to the side to allow them to whisper into her ear. While they dramatically told a story, Georgette's face became a canvas for the story of how everything was going. With a somber nod she turned back to the crowd, tore up the notes that she had brought back, shrugged, and said, "Well, what the fuck do you expect? I'm just the intern!"