Right, I'm new here, and I'm still feeling my way around - but for now, I have one pressing question.

Having been brushing up on what's happening in the streets, I've noticed one tiny thing. Now, I'm not a member of Mensa, but I do have an abundance of common sense and yet I cannot fathom how these 'masses' or general audiences of people seem to be consistently present and willing to listen to speeches when their orator emerges from the most random of places. Its almost as though they come in travel-sized packages ready for whipping out of one's pocket when one feels the need for a fresh soliloquy. Do these people get any notice that someone is going to address them? A flier? A telegram? You know, like this:

*For the attention of the general public of [insert area here],

Please assemble outside Coffee Shop for rousing words from [insert name here].

Much obliged, ta ta now.''

So, a) why is this and b) if its the done thing, where can I get one of these audiences? Has to be better than talking to myself while powdering my nose.

I've remembered a time when all a man had to do to get an audience was to take out a few beers and hollar at the top of their lungs for all of the mafioso to come around, this worked maybe ten percent of the time, but when it didn't work; they at least had beer to drowned out the disappoinment. Now-a-days there's something much more useful and for only four easy payments of $19.95 I can tell you all about it.

Yes.

You've heard me, only seventeen payments of $29.99 and you can have your very own audience in-a can, and extra $10 per payment and we'll thrown in a microphone so people can hear what you're saying. Yes. Only an extra $10 on top of the nineteen easy payments of $49.99! They'll laugh, they'll cry, and they might even give you a little extra if you ask nicely. That... that or you can just use the booze.

All up to you.

Super-splendid.

I assume you take Mastercard?

I want one!

I'm a sucker for cans, regardless of the contents.

So let me understand this. You basically just did the exact thing you are calling into question.

I imagine by 1940 we'll have all struck it rich and they will have invented a super highway for us to travel on.. Or not.

What is this Mastercard you speak of?

We take all types of payments! Mastercards, Stones, Cash, Pickles, Beans, Pickled Beans wrapped in Cash. We don't discriminate, have no money? Well then you can't get one, but if you get some money, we'll work with you to make it happen! We guarentee happiness or well... I guess you can complain to other people, but I doubt they'll listen. I mean how many people do you know that could use a crowd in-a can anyways? Probably not many.

Everyone line up behind the yellow line I just drew and let's start making some memories!

I've got a nice handful of earwax right here. They were so heavily blocked I couldn't hear a thing just now. I hope that'll be sufficient currency. I'll take three.

<em> Specs parks a truckload of gravel behind the yellow line. </em>

I'll take 20!