Herman Cain steps out of his soon-to-be-presidential limousine and flashes a grin at the crowd of supporters that have gathered to hear him speak. The crowd roars its appreciation for the future president Cain as he waves to the admiring schoolchildren and kisses a baby. As Cain scans through the crowd all whose glance meets his know that he is a businessman of the first order and a man of impressive intellectual capabilities. Cain steps to the podium and the crowd, already wild with anticipation, roars into a frenzy of appreciation.

My friends! The crowd roars on. Someone in the front faints. Please, it's too much. The roar of the crowd lessens somewhat. Thank you! Only scattered murmurs remain, as the crowd drops into a respectful silence for Herman Cain.

Thank you for the wonderful welcome Chicago! I'm here to speak today about a topic near and dear to my heart. I'm here to talk about the state of American governance, and the way our political leaders have been failing us in recent years. Our country has been racked by scandal after scandal emanating from a corrupt group of kleptocrats that uses larceny, backroom dealing, and even murder to achieve its ends. I'm speaking, of course, of the Democratic Party of the United States!

In recent years we've heard scandal after scandal emanating from these lawbreakers. Case in point: First, there's Francis Henry Shoemaker, the liar from Minnesota who was recently convicted of mailing defamatory materials. Then we have John H. Hoeppel, who was involved in a corrupt deal to sell an appointment to West Point Military Academy and has recently been convicted for his dealings. Then there's the case of Marion Zioncheck, whom I shall say little more about, out of respect for our perfectly upstanding director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. The list goes on and on. Is there nothing this organization won't do to keep hold of power?

Ladies and Gentlemen, this must change. These backroom dealings, these underhanded political tactics, these assaults on democracy itself are unacceptable in our civilized society. America deserves better than a class of politicians that act as though they were mobsters - coming to secret accords in the middle of the night and out of sight of the rest of the public.

And that's why I promise today, that if you elect me as the next President of the United States there will be no more secret dealings. There will be no more corrupt appointments of close friends to positions of power despite a lack of qualifications. No, the Cain administration will be a strictly merit based and open government administration. I won't run this country like a pack of criminals, because America deserves better!

Thank you all, and may God continue to bless this great land of ours!

The crowd, which had been slowly building in excitement during Herman Cain's remarks, lets out a thundering roar of applause and cheers second only in intensity to the cheers before Bearderus Himself. A wave of young Americans closest to the future President faint out of sheer force of his personality. An adorable young lady in the crowd screams "HAVE MY BABIES!" Mr. Cain smiles and bids farewell to the crowd. Waves of intensity wash back over the podium as the crowd begins to chant "Nine! Nine! Nine!" Mr. Cain makes his way back to his limousine, shaking the hands of his supporters as he walks.

Abdul, who also doubles as a Middle Eastern reporter, raises his hand for a question

Mister Cain, my friendddd! Ive heard word of you doing some "backroom dealing" of man meat to some of dee whores... Is tis trrrue, my frienddd??

All I have to say about that matter is this: If Mr. Herman Cain had been doing any "backroom dealing" with the ladies, they wouldn't be complaining. They'd be saying "thank you" and marketing the movie rights!

The crowd cheers and Abdul raises his hand again as the crowd lowers, while also writing these responses in his notebook

Sooooo Mister Cain, my friendddd! Tis it safe to say that dee "Cain" in your name stands for Mistor Cain is slinging dee "stick", my friendddd?

I think this is all taking us off topic on the greater point. A vibrant democracy needs an ethical, open government that doesn't hide inside dealing and corrupt bargains from the American people. Our nation was founded on a history of open government and free flow of information from government to the people. The Roosevelt administration has utterly failed in these respects, covering up essential dealings and conducting secret operations under the guise of "national security." A Cain administration would not run this country like a gang of criminals, and would bring America back to the basics that made this country the strongest in the world!

While jumping in the air, arm raised at the same time, Abdul asks another question to the potential nominee

Mister Cain, Mister Cain, my friendddd! I hear you speak of "covering up essential dealings"...does tis mean when "backroom dealing" dee "Cain" you like to "cover up" dee man meat??  Also, does this technique prevent you from dee babies dee lady in dee crowd wants you so badly to give her, my friendddd??

Mr. Cain laughs. Oh, did another lass ask me to have her babies? That happens often enough nowadays that I don't even really hear it. I think there must be something about the crowds that does it. Well, that or my amazing good looks!

SINGER falls over laughing so hard.

Herman, i think im voting for you because of this speech right here! This was so great i want to give you some sort of trophy!

SINGER gives Herman Cain some sort of Trophy.

There you go have that! Im glad i was in town for this.

Out of nowhere and in a Tourettes type manor, Abduls blurts out

I WILL KILL YOU ALL!!

Leaving the crowd stunned from this public outburst, but if only they knew his planes for the future, I mean plans for the future...