THE CYRAXX TRIBUNE

Ed.1

AD-FREE SCAM-FREE NEWSPAPER!!!

Editors Note: Hey what's good yall its ur boy Cyraxx, you already know.  Thank you for picking up a copy of my newspaper.  Just a warning, this newspaper MAY include explicit language, so readers beware.  In fact I was even considering calling this newspaper The Explicit Forum, but only a real depraved loser would think of something like that, so I immediately removed the idea from my brain.  Anyways enjoy the news.

NEWSPAPER TIP SCAM UNCOVERED, WHISTLEBLOWER SLAIN BY THE ACCUSED

My father Cyrax (rest in peace) pointed out a potentai newspaper scam by Gillian.  He confronted her at some buffet-style shitty luncheon where she was stuffing her giant face with ravioli.  It was just as gross a sight as you would imagine.  My father Cyrax (rest in peace) listened to her lie about bringing a newspaper to the same streets where many of us bust our asses for our families.  This announcement excited about 9 people.  Excited them so much that between the 9 of them, they raised $1,640,000 in tips as of the time of this newspaper.  Time passed, and then more time passed.  NO NEWSPAPER.  So what about all the hard-earned tip money that these 9 people pledged based on the promise of a newspaper that never materialized? 

So Cyrax (my father, rest in peace) confronted Gillian and asked her STRAIGHT UP if it was a scam.  Gillian gave no comment.  To be fair, her mouth was so stuffed with lobster ravioli that the sauce was running down one of her chins.  Disgusting.

Later that afternoon my father Cyrax decided to take a stand and speak up for the 9 soles that had their money ripped off from them and started a class-action lawsuit in hopes of retrieving the lost funds, but the class-action suit was cut short after RupertGiles dropped Cyrax from his crew and then doxxed his location to Gillian, who in turn murdered my father Cyrax.  Rest in peace..  Now, I have no evidence to support that RupertGiles was involved with the scam and assume he was probably just another hapless victim of Gillian's evergrowing web of deceit and fraud.  With Gillian now having removed the whisteblower, the $1,640,000 goes unclaimed.

The Cyraxx Tribune would like to express their sadness that this will not be resolved, so I will be offering $1,640,000 in prize money so that hopefully we can see a LITTLE justice come out of all this

WARMONGER LEAVES THE CYRAXX NATION

Once considered my father Cyrax's best friend, Waramonger was welcomed to the Nation and he and my father hit it off real well.  Sadly Warmonger messaged me personally to express his dissatisfaction over me giving RupertGiles a lifetime ban from the Cyraxx Nation.  This did not sit well with Warmonger one bit, who told me if Rupert is out, he's out too.  I pleaded with him to stay but his loyalty to RupertGiles was unwavering.  I asked what I could do to change his mind and he repeated that if Rupert goes, he goes too.  I was like F*CK I gotta let this f*cking guy back in?  sigh.

Hey thank for reading yall.  Next one is gonna be even better.  Drop a line and let me know how you think I can get the stolen $1,640,000 back in the hands of their rightful owners.  Or if not, maybe the money could go towards something positive for the community.  Positive vibes y'all!

If you or someone you love was impacted by the Luncheon Epiphany scam, please contact the Cyraxx Tribune in our Mail From the Readers section below.  The Cyraxx Tribune is dedicated to assisting the victims of newspaper fraud.  Peace, y'all

Can I just say how nice it is to have a newspaper again, it's been too long

Shaz has no idea what is going on but she likes the layout of the paper and wonders where and how she can get hold of this scam money.

The Cyraxx definitely scammed her parents out of a fortune in the past and believes one should help her make the future bright!

Who can I speak to at this newspaper about paying for an advert?