BANKER'S DIGEST, ISSUE 1

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Welcome to Banker's Digest, a newspaper for bankers, by bankers. Thanks for reading. This issue is brought to you by Fluffy_Tummy being dead. 

BAD INVESTMENTS

Unsponsored gangsters continue to perform as poor assets in the mafia market, following RupertGiles' public pledge to carry on murdering them. The new policy, announced in the wake of the last 400 to 450 regimes also practicing a position of murdering unsponsored gangsters, was met with vocal support from many crewleaders, who were presumably just grateful for the break in echoing "No witness statement required" between themselves. Some people were naturally upset, though most were in agreement that 7 days in itself is still far too much time to risk having to listen to spacepole talk. 

GOOD INVESTMENTS    

The newspaper industry, a long dormant branch of mafia media, has experienced a burst of activity lately, with three competing publications emerging following months of silence. The Cyraxx Tribune, The Harold, and the Cyraxxxplicit Forum all published new issues in the last 48 hours, with editor-in-chief Cyrax (of the Cyraxx Tribune and the Cyraxxxplicit Forum) rising as one of the hottest commodities in recent memory. A fourth publication from Gillian has been rumored to be in the works following a $1,640,000 dollar investment, though the possibility those investors having fallen prey to a Lordian-esque, Billy_Mastrosimone Mutual Fund-type mega-scam has been raised and becomes more and more plausible the longer the publishing delay. 

SYLENCE IS GOLDEN

He's a Godfather. He owns a casino. He sent me 10 credits to bet on the Super Bowl. At this point, he's pretty much my boy. Who else can say as much? Only Sylence, head of Bella Vista, and a leading light at a crewleading position that has undergone many hardships of the last few years. Where previously the role - one of the most important in the mafia - had a habit of landing with those not actively choking on their own shirt buttons, policy shifts have led to the consideration of the less likely to and, in some special cases, those who already have but took from it a hard lesson. This has led to renewed suggestions for a threshold that only requires you stop using your dog as a napkin, and even rarer, not once in their lives having been tied to a boat and set adrift by their fellow villagers. Sylence stands tall among his peers, a cool as hell dude, sender of gifts, prince of Bella Vista. 

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While the rest of the world is preoccupied with the slow-moving conquest of The Cyraxxx Nation, Vinny sees an opportunity to score some quick loot. Looking through the trading tips he sees an opportunity buy low and sell high...

"It doesn't do much good to put my money into something while it's peaking. I think we could invest in unsponsored gangsters while their value is low, then through some clever market manipulation, get the stock values to skyrocket."

"All we need is a good public relations voice representing the crewless. To date, all we've heard is a bunch of incessant whining. What if someone with a bit more charm, say, for example, de facto Leader of the Streets Cyraxxx, were to smooth over the masses and get the unsponsored to be viewed a little more favorably? I mean, they can hardly bitch and complain about poor treatment when their public relations policy to date has been to place huge hits on the most powerful in society. That's just some goofy shit right there. They need a new voice and vision at the helm, but not until we've cornered the market."

Gigantopithecus despite our differing views when it comes to the finer points of Journalistic Oversight, I am not one to carry grudges with me and try to judge every idea by its own merit.

Actually, I find this suggestion of creating an organised movement for all the unsponsored renegades in the world an extremely good one. Can I suggest that we'll call it the "Mobsters Sans Frontieres"?

Hey man, don't try to drag me into your rebel incursion.

Gigantopithecus

your rebel incursion

EXCUSE ME? I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW I AM A PROUD MEMBER OF GROVE STREET. I am not an uncrewed lawless rebel. Grove Street 4 life.

Harold throws a few gang signs.

I also see that CaymanIslandsBanker has met an untimely end, less than 12 hours after publishing a newspaper of his own. At this point I do not know what is more dangerous: publishing a newspaper or entering a Competitive Writing Competition.

I have one lobster-ravioli scented main suspect in mind for who could've done in CaymanIslandsBanker, but the investigative Journalism on this one isn't concluded yet so I won't spill the beans just yet.

We've seen two brave Journalists die today, it is a sad day for The Free Press, and the gloomy state of the world is laid bare for all to see.