The audience's rumblings are loud. They're all waiting for the commencement of The Bull Sheet Awards. All of the major publications and journalists were on site. StreetSheriff was in attendance to make sure no low-down sinful city slicker activity was taking place. It was all coming together. All this work.

Haleakala came over the loud speaker

And now, The Bull Sheet Awards begin with your host Transistor!

The audience erupts in applause as the spotlight cracks on, dead center of the red curtain as it pulls apart to reveal Godfather Transistor, dressed to the nines in his best tuxedo.

Thank you. Thank you. Yes.

Transistor waves.

Ok. Ok. We have a lot to cover this evening lets calm down. So many beautiful faces in the audience tonight.

Warmonger is here. Stay away from the hit list ok buddy? The audience chuckles.

I was walking in and I saw StreetSheriff came to keep the peace. He's not seen this much asphalt since 1880 when he was born. A couple laughs and some claps.

SaddleFlashing arrived earlier in a dump truck because of the amount of kevlar he's wearing to protect himself.

But seriously folks. It's time. No doubt everyone is aware of the world famous Bull Sheet Awards. Our founder Red Bull started this ceremony back in 1906 and it's been going strong ever since. God rest his soul, at least he has wings now the old coot.

So in his honor I present to you the nominees of The Bull Sheet Awards.

The Weekly Gazette by Gillian

The Saddle Newsflash by SaddleFlashing

The Cyraxx Tribune by Chance

The MR Gazette by TommyVitale

The Banker's Digest by CaymanIslandsBanker (GRHS)

The Harold by Harold

The Cyraxxxplicit Forum by Chance

The winner of the illustrious Bull Sheet Awards will recieve 10 credits and 1 quad corrupt agent upon the final counting of the votes on February 19th at 00:00.

Votes may be cast in public or sent directly to my mailbox for counting.

If you, your organization, or your newspaper wishes to be EXEMPT from winning this award please send your written request to my offices.

May the odds be in your favor, and peace and love to our founder Red Bull.

T

How?

HOW!? How do you expect me to pick between The Cyraxx Tribune and The Cyraxxxplicit Forum. These papers were top notch! Filled with all sorts of WORDS and THINGS and FACTS(?). 

I will say I wish any of these papers had comics, but it is what it is.

Fine, you've made me do it.

I'm voting for The Cyraxx Tribune, RIP long live the NATION. Pours out a 40 ounce malt liquor beverage for the deceased in honor.

She watched Transistor intently, hanging on his every word with her lips pressed together and arms folded, it was clear she wasn't one to easily reveal her thoughts. Despite being taught to stay mum, her facial expressions told a different story, sharing her inner reflections with those around her. 

As Transistor rattled off the eligible publications, her eyes rolled in response. She knew she should bite her tongue, especially considering her familial ties to The Mafia Gazette's founder and their involvement in a similarly named publication from a distant galaxy. But hey, old habits die hard.

With a mental note to zip it, she kept her opinions to herself, acknowledging the bias that came with her background. After all, in this world, staying neutral is as rare as finding a flying pig on a Sunday morning.

Once Transistor had finished his speech and the crowd dispersed she looked at him and grumbled about the amount of mail there would be on their shared desk and how far she'd have to dig to find the envelopes addressed to her.

"Good job, Boss," she said "Can't wait to see the results. There is a lot of bull sheet out there these days."

Far as I can tell, TommyVitale is the only one of these fellers ain't up to no good. SaddleFlashing has 15 million dollars on his head and I've good reason to believe it's one of them of the competition done put em up. All them cuss words. It's unbecoming. In one of them papers, they've just straight up published a spaghetti recipe. Spaghetti, Jack. It ain't Christian. I've met horses with more sense than these moss-heads. You couldn't fill a fajita with the brains these journalists have got in their heads. The Saddle Newsflash? Ain't a saddle in sight. The Weekly Gazette? Nothing weekly about it. If brains were brawn, these fellers couldn't strangle a frog, I tell you what. 

I know we are all having fun here, but on a serious note the obvious winner is TommyVitale of the original Gazette.  Out of literally all the papers that we have seen in this past couple days, his the only one that was done respectfully and with class, reporting actual news instead of personal drama.  Don't get me wrong, I was amused reading them all, but after awhile enough is enough.  And then a 7th paper comes out all about the same clown-show nonsense?  It was already getting old but by paper number 7 it was like ok, we get it.  But thats just my opinion.  Going by the numbers though it looks like others agree with me, which is probably why the original Gazette by Mr. Vitale is leading the rest of the newspapers in tips.  And deservedly so, to be frank.

Corpsegrinder nods to Godfather Transistor and tips his hat to TommyVitale.  He waves politely to the rest of the nominees as he walks past them.

Have fun with whatever all this is.  Looking forward to an eighth newspaper.

I'm not sure whether I can cast a vote in this but I find it tough to argue with anything Corpsegrinder has said. I am finding it very difficult to compete with TommyVitale, honestly. The support for his newspaper is pretty clear and that volume of tipping is unprecedented. I might have outlasted all of the other original editors but what do I have to show for it? A $15,000,000  bounty on my head, and Gillian tagging me wherever she goes distracting me from uncovering the latest scoops. I mean that news Tommy broke about VDay coming soon? That wasn't even my radar! So I think there is only one man leading the way in this business and the rest of us are playing catch up. My vote is for The MR Gazette.

Warmonger the Peaceful is seen in the crowd cheering erratically and waving around today's flowers, some beautiful pink carnations. He climbs up on to the shoulders of his armed guard and begins screaming for attention.

"Wooooooooo!! We love you Transistor!!" He fidgets around atop the giant, flapping his arms with excitement. "Oh my God, I can't believe it's the real you! The last time I saw you, I could've sworn it wasn't you, but this is really you! I can tell it's really you! You look amazing, Transistor, I love you!!" He swings the flowers in circles hoping to be noticed before beginning to chant.

"CYRAXX! CYRAXX! CYRAXX! CYRAXX!" He throws the flowers toward Transistor, finally grabbing his attention from his growing fanbase.

"CYRAXX NATION BABY!" He giggles with glee before calming his voice a little. "Anyway... I've never had anything to do with the hitlist and I don't appreciate just what you seem to be alluding to, sir! I'm a peaceful man!" He frowns, acting appalled. "I abstain from a vote. I think all newspapers are equally terrible amazing and should all receive nothing everything for their effort!"

He hops off of the shoulders and sticks the landing perfectly, being the sprightly young buck that he is, before casually wandering out of view smiling to himself.

The votes are being tabulated and the winner will be announced in a few hours.

Thank you to everyone that voted, and shame on you if you didn't vote. You'll be cursed by the ghost of Red Bull for all your days.

See you soon.

The winner of The Bull Sheet awards is!

Transistor carefully opens the envelope while the timpani drum roll swells to a thrilling climax.

THE MR GAZETTE by TOMMYVITALE

It had edged out The Weekly Gazette by Gillian with 1 vote. A very tight race.

TommyVitale, you're welcome to come up and give an acceptance speech if you wish.

The audience applauds loudly.

Tommy Vitale walks onto the stage amidst the applause, once he talks the podium the waves the applause down and begins his speech.

I'm not one for long winded speeches, thank you Transistor for holding these awards and I graciously accept the Bull Sheet Award. All nominees were worthy to be up here, but definitely glad it's me. The MR Gazette will hopefully continue publication in hopes that people across the nation enjoy reading. Thank You!

Tommy waves and exits the stage as the audience applauses.