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The Cooter Times Vol. 5 Started by: Georgette on Mar 01, '24 00:35

The Cooter Times Vol 5
Est 1923

Founder: Catherine J. Cooter
Current Editor-in-Chief: Georgette Plunkett-Ernle-Erle-Drax family of Charborough



Ladies and Gentlemen, 

It was time I went back to my roots. We saw previously that I had dusted off the typewriter, I had lived the path of my ancestors, but overall whist I did not bring them shame, I did not properly embody what the Cooter Times is. And this was clear when we were mistaken for a newspaper in the streets and slander was thrown upon us. I'd name and shame, but like so many of the community, they are not worth trying to remember a name that will be gone in a week or so. This is not a threat, its just a fact. 

So while my first attempt was noble, my second will be truer to the roots of what the founder of the Cooter Times wanted. Alcohol, bullshit and laughter. 

So thank fuck Spike is authed again, eh? 

But also, we're celebrating. So fuck it, lets all have a moment and... 

Stop, Cooter TimesTM



Drugs aren't Bad, mmm'Kay? 

Ketamine, the former "Place holder in Chicago" that caused absolute devastation in the West Coast from those leaders that no one can really remember but harrison (My dude, are you so unimportant your parents couldn't even capitalize your first name?) is clinging to the roots, Wait where was I going.. Oh Right Ketamine's Auth initially spurred some unrest between City Hall and the West Coast due to law breaking, but it turns out, as the dust has settled, Ketamine was going the distance. 

Theres a whole rhetoric here about acting your rank, behaving your age and not engaging with trolls, but if I really went into it and helped anyone learn some sort of lesson, my amusements would drop drastically so I shant. 

Congratulations Ketamine on this unforeseen promotion, but also Boo to you and your ADD for your inability to keep celebration RATs alive. 



I'm Just Jenny with the Blocks

The latest installment of the Cooter times comes from a fantastical whimsy moment of my brain where I thought I would share the amount of missives I will not receive from people, given I am notorious for it. 

Currently there are 59 People unable to contact me. Alas, some of them are actually dead and no longer matter (Although some would argue none of them matter given their ignore state) but this is the total number. 



A word from our Community 

Given the the blatant need for community in our uh.. community I have reached out to the community and here is what they have to say: 

Hey Georgetee, thanks for being an acti... 
 

Ok Not that. My bad. 
 

"While two wrongs don't make a right, three lefts do" 

I say this may be correct but I have concerns about your directions going forward and also Fuck you for trying to steal my best friend, you asshole. 

"Bananas are berries but strawberries aren't"

Yes but the loose weight bananas have a shelf life of 2 days, where as strawberries have 3 days, which means overall strawberries are better and loose weight bananas can go be used for really questionable means in Philly. 

 

ChunLi has invited you to...

Ah shit no one else responded. 



So there we have it kids, is it the best tabloid ever put out? No. But when you're begging for a woman to put out, is she ever going to give you her best? I think not. and if you think so, I need you to get some therapy and reconsider how you treat women. 

So from my Typewriter to your eyes, and what a terrible day to have them, this is 

Georgette Plunkett-Ernle-Erle-Drax family of Charborough of the T.C.C.I.M.F.A.D.R.C.C.I - FTSSH
The Competition Commission International Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Diplomatic Relations Chief Chancellor's Intern(For the summer school holidays) signing off. 

This volume was brought to you by the number (ABV 11) and the letters (F U MADS). If you know you know. 

Until next time, 

Smooches, 

Georgette Plunkett-Ernle-Erle-Drax family of Charborough

 

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I am so sorry Georgette for not being able to respond to your request for a statement prior to your print deadline. I still have dust in my eyes from re-opening Morning Dew’s headquarters and I didn’t see the request in time. It is amazing how much dust to collect in such a short amount of time. Anyhoo…

If anyone is looking to join a laid-back, Druden Raid-kickin crew send a mob mail to either of my hands or to me and we will have a conversation about it!
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