Imagine it. You are visiting the funeral of your father. Your family, his “family,” and friends from all around are attending and paying their respects for the fallen. Some hot shot approaches you in the midst of your grieving and slips you a business card, offering his services during your most vulnerable time. Is this appropriate?

For so long I have sat and observed what happens at funerals, and may have even taken part in actions I do not condone. Is a funeral really the most appropriate place for Crew Leaders and sponsors to find their next recruit? When I see things like, “Have your son/daughter contact me” …. Number one, who the hell are you talking to? The guy is dead and he’s not going to talk back. Number two, coming here and attempting to add to your HQ seems a bit disrespectful and completely inappropriate. Did you really care that the guy died, or are you just looking to add another member to your crew?

I bring this discussion here to gather the thoughts of other mobsters and why this type of behavior seems to be so common. Do you think it’s appropriate? Why or why not? 

I have said that quote...but nit for recruiting purposes but just out of mere friendship and wanting to communicate with them...I never even thought or acted on it as a recruiting tool, for those that do I believe it's an awful thing but I dnt think many do...now I see where you mean on the daughter and son thing...that's why I approach it differently you see...I have no sons or daughters just a reresuerected zombie many times over lol

Its completely reasonable for people in this thing of ours to be morally questionable. Murder, thievery, etc. are all practices of our everyday life but going to a funeral to bring new blood in is potentially crossing the line? I suppose anyone would want to take the opportunity to bring in a bloodline of well-known mobsters to attempt to add clout to their organization and starting at a emotionally unstable time is an easy way to do so. If the goal is to be the strongest possible organization then theres plenty of reason to work wherever you can to advance your own cause. If its done in a respectful way theres no issue in saying you support a bloodline and attempting to bring their family onboard.

Its a good discussion topic but in the end its just this thing of ours being and I can't see any fault with it.

What a load of nonsense. Anyone uttering those words are doing so because the person was someone they cared about and they would like to ensure that persons next if kin looks them up, its a phrase used by many, not just leaders.

I'm a believer that if your bloodlines are close, it's expected that they their son/daughter can come to them for support if needed. I didn't say just leaders, I said sponsors as well. When my father died, and when his father died, people I had never spoken to came out and handed me their business card. If I would have been old enough, I'd have put an end to their disrespect right then and there. Not so much as a RIP, just the standard recruiting line.

I do believe there is a difference, as Caboose pointed out, in paying respects when you two knew each other and then extending a hand to the grieving son. But as David_Webb says, morality is a questionable subject in this thing of ours. Though it's clear funerals have generally been considered sacred and disrespect is kept far away from here. 

The question really is whether the general public considers recruiting at a funeral acceptable or not. My opinion is no - unless you were close before death. Everyone wants to be your buddy and you are looking for a home, it's just the way it is. 

I would say that recruiting at a funeral should not happen except for the case of the deceased crew leader extending a welcome to the next of kin. After all This Thing of Ours is about Family. A Family is called just that because the son/daughther of those who came before will normally follow in their forefathers steps and join the same organization.

I guess most people who spoke here are correct in a way. There are some clumsy people trying to score a good associate and there are also the friends of the deceased trying to make sure the son/daughter is well taken care of.

Not something I lose sleep over. It actually helps me identify the clumsy sponsors and who to stay away from. Like you said, a sponsor that wasn't close to the deceased, has no business trying to create a bond with the next of kin.

I like to stand outside the funeral home and pass out buisness cards then. Lots of good questions to choose from!

You know...you do kind of have to give credit to someone who can convince their former associate's children to follow in their parents footsteps at their own funeral, that person must have a golden tongue, just saying.

i have never considered "have your son/daughter contact me" to be a recruitment thing. first off, to me, it's always been sort of a silent request verbalized. i wish for something that a deceased friend would have wanted.

second, since when does that have to be a  "come work for me" line. any time that comes out of my mouth, it's a "come say hello, meet someone, make a connection.

A silent request verbalized? What does that mean? 

Let's not be coy about it, Philli. Even though you're not saying "lolzor come join my crew!!" everyone who drops that line knows exactly what they're trying to do. A good example of just wishing their kin luck does not involve their -48 reincarnation of themselves to contact them. Instead,  something along the lines of "yada yada, and I am sure your son will come back and make you proud, yada yada, doing great things as you did in your life, yada yada. Rest in Peace. Yada." 

It seems we have a bag of mixed opinions, as I thought we would. I think we can all come to the conclusion that you must be tactful in how you let it be known you are willing to take in their son while attending their funeral.

Perhaps these "I hope your son or daughter contacts me." are not at all for recruitment. Assume the deceased was a good friend of theirs, and they only want to be in contact, to give their condolences, and further get to know and befreind their friends offspring as they did their friend.

No, I don't believe "Recruitment" at a funeral is inappropriate or unacceptable at all. If my father had recently passed, and his Crewleader assured me that I had a spot in their family should I want to be a part of their family and recieve protection, I would jump on that offer.

Doogle, your probably right. and pardon my turn of phrase, i was fuzzy from a long day of studying for finals.

and as to your origanal point, mine still holds. i've often said taht when i couldn't recruit. when i say that, it's because the son of the deceased is a member of a family that i would like to keep in touch with. (OOC: i've met some people i'd like to continue to interact with)

Well just from my opinion,

I haven't never spoken at a funeral with the intentions to expand the crew. I slip business cards with the soul intention to keep in contact with the family.

I have lost touch with many family friends due to the death of their father or mother. It is truly sad when someone is gunned down and there is no way to contact their family members other than at their funeral.

I understand that isn't the most respectful thing to do and such a sad day, and your words have taken a far impact on my opinion of the subject.

I believe anything that is disrespectful on the day of someones death is wrong. I believe even if the person was a rat that those words should be held till a more private setting rather than disrespecting someone in front of their family and friends.

As it maybe harder to contact families, I agree with doogle and believe that if you are there to pay respects to the person, then you shouldn't be there.

Ofcourse is should/could happen! Thats where mafioso from other families meet, at funerals, parties etc... It's a part of this thing of ours. We talk bussiness at funerals; we talk business at parties.

Look if you don't like it all you have to do is say no...slipping bussiness cards doesn't exactly mean you have to go through with it, its a very nice gesture if anything. You think it through?

This guy with the bussiness card is here to help you, to give you protection? You throw it in his face just because you think it shouldn't happen this way?

Bussiness is bussiness and thats that. If you don't wanna talk bussines then tell the person that you don't wanna talk bussiness.. Capiche?

In my personal opinion,

As long as they are not saying.. "come back to my family! Ill buy youa bg!!" If that was the case then I would consider that wrong, yes. Simply just letting them know to contact them when they return just wording it as if they are coming back as their next generation is just keeping the funeral the same as the game (rp). It isnt just used by the upper structures a lot of close friends use it as well. I personally have for the past few years. Its something that has been used since I started playing a few years ago.

Another thing I have noticed in funerals is such disrespect from an upper structure in almost every death of a member whether it was suicide, retirement or something else. I understand it is upsetting to see a now past member that has suicide or retired with possibly no explanation but what happened to "if you have nothing nice to say then don't say it at all"? I have seen wording that was a lot more proffesional but straight to the point which was acceptable. However, with what some others say is rude and ridiculous. You ever think maybe they decided to leave and cut their life short for working with you because they are not happy with your family? I guess times have truly changed though and its no longer frowned upon like it used to be.

Try picking up a chick at a funeral.....thats a challenge, bonus points if you pick up the dudes wife or comare

Hears the word funeral and words, animated thoughts came to his mind ....ghost, zombies and gory details, till he breathes in and out to calm himself

The words utter as "have your kin contact me upon your return" won;t necessarily be meant recruiting. It depends on the one reading it, on how narrow minded that person . And on how close is the dead person to the one that said those words.

I mean , what if the two ( guy1 and guy2 ) have some verbal words before the untimely death of guy1 and with anguished guy2 ( maybe a CL or sponsor ) wanted to resolve things and yet how can he when the guy accidentally die ...these words are both reassuring to the dead person . But as I say it all comes down to the one reading the post .

the streets are filled with all sorts of people; kind, considerate, greedy, spiteful... ect. things like this will happen and continue to happen. although i don't think it's appropriate,  i do think if it's the same family said person's father belonged to i don't see the harm in that.

I remember a story from the old country when turf wars raged, it was customary for even foes to visit the funerals of their vanquished enemies to pay their respects. We're talking about the really elaborate affairs here, huge garlands, horse drawn hearses, thousands of mourners. You'd have the dead guys friends on one side of the graveyard shootin' daggers at the guys who offed him who'd come to pay their respects; but nothing ever happened, it was just the unwritten rule that you respected each other in such a place.

However, it didn't stop the two groups standing at a funeral and plotting another round of murders, so I don't really see why 'recruiting' at a funeral is so bad.

If the deceased, god rest their soul, is a true amico then of course I want to honour my friendship by ensuring I take good care of his wife and kids as I'd expect a good friend to do for me when I shuffle off the mortal coil. Often, given our line of work, we can do this most easily by bringing the deceased's sons into our line of work. It makes perfect sense.