You are heading home after a long day and the radio begins to play an advertisement.

"Larry and Ligambi Law" a jingle begins to play.

After the jingle ends a voice you recognize as Uncle Joseph_Ligambi comes on your local airwaves.

"Got a problem? Been caught in a jam? Someone giving you some grief?"

The sound of papers shuffling around and the voice of a male actor sighing is heard.

"Don't worry." Ligambi continues. "Larry and Ligambi Law is here to help. No case too shady, no deal too dirty."

A loud "BOING" sound effect is heard as you recognize the voice of Don LongLeggedLarry next.

"Victim of a credit fraud or mugging? Maybe some 'misplaced funds' or someone accused you of a crime you didn't commit? We've got your back. At Larry & Ligambi Law, we specialize in the grey area. We can get you paid back! With interest."

A swish sound effect plays next.

"Anything you need, we'll JUMP all over it!"

"Someone hopping the streets without representation causing you grief? Call L&L and we'll make your problems disappear. At L&L Law, we'll make sure your business 'arrangements' are legally binding and your problems vanish like invisible ink."

Ligambi chimes in.

"Call now. Discretion guaranteed, results delivered."

A narrator booms over your speakers as you roll your eyes.

"Call L&L Law today at 555-LNDL, thats 555-LNDL. L&L Law, when you need an uncle and a frog in your corner.

As you roll your eyes and turn the radio to the next station a flyer blows up from the streets from the truck in front of you and you pull it off your face as you try to read it while driving.

Call L&L Law Offices for all issues arising from the streets. We will mediate and solve all your problems at no cost to you.

Someone mugged you? Start a speech in the streets, we'll show up and negotiate on your behalf.

Someone owes you $88,000,000 or some other arbitrary number that we just made up on the spot and has no real meaning? Start speaking out loud to the people about it and we'll show up to help.

When you need an uncle and a frog in your corner, call 555-LNDL or mail us directly and we'll be there. We're just a hop skip and a jump away.

LongLeggedLarry - Attorney At Law
Joseph_Ligambi - Attorney At Law

"Well there we have it, Uncle Joe. The ad is out to the people. Now we just wait for business to roll in."

Larry kicks his feet up on his desk.

"Larry..." Ligambi stares after listening to the radio ad. "How the fuck are we supposed to make money if we're doing this for free?"

Larry squints his eyes and looks up and to the left before opening a bottle from his desk drawer and sighing.

Luis was driving home from work when the commercial came over the airways of his radio.. the jingle was quite catchy, and there was even a name he recognized in it.. Uncle Joe.. that fella was getting into the legal side of things? And he was working with a frog? Must be some smart frog he thought to himself. Pulling into the driveway, he shifted the keys back and the engine stopped on a dime. Pushing the door open, Luis quickly stepped out but was hit smack in the face by a flier.. actually, there was tons of them flying as he ripped it quickly from his face and began to read it over..

It was that dam L&L Law thing again.. only this time, it was a piece of paper. Persistent fellows they were, he admired it and folded it half before slipping it into the inside of his suit pocket before heading inside and tossing his keys on the nearest end table..

"Now where's that damn phone.." he muttered to himself

Walking down the hallway of his house in Vegas, he took the folded paper back out of his suit pocket as he reached the telephone that was hanging where it always was at the end of the hall. He picked it up and quickly began dialing the number on the paper. Of course, he was placed in que.. "You are caller number 169, please stay on the line and we will be with you shortly.." Luis shook his head.. A hundred and sixty nine people were ahead of him?? But his matter was much more urgent then theirs.. 

"How the fuck am I supposed to be more stylish then my step father if I can't even get a real person on the phone here.. fucking dial tone automated message bullshit. I swear, LongLeggedLarry and Uncle Joe better be able to help me out with this."

The lines hadn't stopped ringing since the ad went out. Larry and Joe had been answering calls all night and were ready to call it quits after just a couple more calls.

Larry picked up the phone once more.

"Yello. Oh wow. Luis_Patangeli. I've heard your name floating around these parts. Good to hear from you. What can we do for you? With L&L you've got an uncle and a frog in your corner."

Luis was almost drooling into the phone as he leaned up against the wall, it had been quite a long time as he listened to the elevator music that was provided.. or was that just the L&L jingle playing over and over again without the singing.. he wasn't quite sure. That was until the music stopped and the dial tone began ringing.. was this it?? "You are the next caller in line please provide your name.."

He let off a small sigh as he spoke into the phone.. "Luis Patangeli..." he said softly

Another click went off in his hear and it dialed again, this time reaching a human's voice.. or so he thought.. he listened as they talked, perking himself up a bit before clearing his throat to reply.

"Man, I'm glad you guys finally answered.. busy bunch over there aye? Well, that's besides the point.. see I got this serious problem concerning style and the lack there of that my step father didn't have while wearing board shorts on the beach.. Is there anything you and Uncle Joe can do to solve this problem of mine? You know.. like, sue the fellows for emotional damage and the sorts.. is that possible? I feel like I'm owed some money for all this harassment."

Larry listens intently taking notes and nodding.

"I see what you're saying. The issue we deal with regarding these chuckleheads is they always want to shirk responsibility. They go into hiding and though they pretend to be extremely wealthy, they barely have two nickles to rub together between the whole toilet bowl of em."

Larry thinks and taps his pen on the notebook.

"Tell ya what, Luis. Gimme a little time to think up a strategy. I think there's a case here, and we'll take it. We just have to figure out how we can get em to pay up one way or another. I'll have Joseph_Ligambi call you back in a day or two and we'll see if we can't take 'em to the cleaners. Good hearing from ya."

Vittorio idly puffed on his large Partagas as his driver Angelo turned down an alleyway in Brooklyn. The commercial for L&L Law played over the radio as the car came to a halt. Vittorio listened to the commercial with a chuckle when he heard Larry bounce into his spiel. He had no idea the two Dons had taken to handling issues on a professional and open basis like this. He opened the Cadillac door and tossed what was left of his stogie to the pavement. The heel of his Italian leather sole crushed out the glowing orange embers as he stood.

As he went to step into the back entrance to Scarpelli's deli and into an office he kept there, a flyer on the ground caught his attention. He picked it up and smirked. That's good, he hadn't taken the number to memory from the commercial. "Angelo go get me a sandwich started upfront, porchetta abruzzesse. You know how I like it," he said as he shut the door to his office and sat down at his desk. 

A few moments later the phone pressed to Vittorio's ear instantly caused sweat to form. The summer heat was brutal this time of year in the city. 

"Yeah, LongLeggedLarry , it's Vittorio over here in Brooklyn. I was thoroughly assaulted by your relentless ad campaign... that's money well spent I'd say... on my way into the office this morning." Vittorio stood his lighter up against the table and then kinked it off kilter while pushing down on it with his index finger causing it to spin as he spoke.

"You see I think you could help me out with a certain quagmire that is this, Yes_Please_Daddy . They seem to think that I, Vittorio, could somehow be mistaken as someone rather mysterious or even dare say suspicious. So much so that it has become now less than half, maybe a third by the looks of it, of their existence to take the very blood from my veins and let me rot away with some aquatic friends. Hopefully not in a certain pond over there on your side of the country." Vittorio sighed as paused. The lighter stopped slowly and he let it fall on its side.

"You think I have any grounds for recourse? This is slander in the very least. There has never been a moment gone by that I have acted in any sort of suspicious manner." He leaned back in his chair as he listened to what he hoped would be the strategy leading to the financial demise of one Earner from Philadelphia.  

Satisfied with the words coming out of the frogs mouth.. or rabbits for that matter, he felt he was in more than good hands. Even going as far to call these so called harassers chuckleheads, he likes that one. Muttering back into the phone quickly before the frog could hang up, Luis looked down the hallway to make sure nobody else was listening..

"That sounds all good to me fella, I don't care if they are rich or broke I want every last hair in their ass and in my bank account. People need to learn what happens when you mess with people's style.. or lack there of. I would say these damages are more than equal to millions of dollars in restitution owed to my family. I know you and Uncle Joe will bring it home."

He heard a few more rabbits before the line went cold. Luis hung up the phone himself before patting himself down for a smoke and heading outside.. he had a shitload of yard work to do today.

Yes_Please_Daddy received word through one of their Daddies about an accusation being thrown their direction. Daddy said that the accuser had spoken with a small time law firm "The ones with that f'in jingle..uh fuck L&L Law? Whatever it is that damn jingle is still ringing in my head." about some alleged problem.

Vittorio as they were known was looking to make a quick buck off of Yes_Please_Daddy's back, a position they were familiar with but not in this way. "Daddy don't these men know they give me the money, not the other way? So silly how weak today's man has become. Oh well." With that Yes_Please_Daddy gathered their travel bag and waited for Daddy in the DB4 "We have somewhere to go today then of course lunch after" they said as Daddy began driving down the long and winding gravel drive in-front of their residence. This accusation was of course incorrect and they sought to discuss this before Vittorio's accusations went any further.

As Daddys vehicle arrived at the address Yes_Please_Daddy had written down rain was falling. Not a hard rain just enough for the wipers on Daddy's vehicle to be needed. "Perhaps you should bring the umbrella around with you when you get the door Daddy" Daddy of course agreed just as Yes_Please_Daddy had done the previous evening.

As Daddy opened the door to the Law Office Yes_Please_Daddy stepped through and brushed the few rain drops from themself. After which Yes_Please_Daddy looked around the office, although no judgements were made as Yes_Please_Daddy had provided services in many locations, eventually approaching the reception desk. "I believe you are discussing a matter involving Yes_Please_Daddy with a Vittorio. Is the lawyer in?"

We have two cases at hand here which I have filed.

Vittorio vs Yes_Please_Daddy for defamation

and Luis_Patangeli v The Kukus for defamation

The honorable Willie_G_Skull will be presiding.

All parties will be required to submit a brief to Judge Willie or myself (which will be forwarded to Judge Willie) in 4 days time or their case will be forfeit. If Judge Willie sees fit, he will ask myself or Joseph_Ligambi questions related to the case and will make a determination accordingly.

Decisions made by Judge Willie will be enforced to the best of our ability.

God have mercy on our souls.

As Yes_Please_Daddy was about to sit down for an elegant meal with Daddy there was a loud thunderous interruption coming from the front door. Naturally one of Daddy's maids answered and walked a man in a suit through the foyer and into the dining area.

"There is a man here wishing to inform of recent developments in the case brought by Vittorio sir." the maid said before directing attention the the man. The man went on to explain the recent decisions while producing a paper copy of what they were speaking of. Yes_Please_Daddy sat and listened as the man spoke all the while thinking how Vittorio was making a mistake.

After the man finished Daddy asked if he was hungry and would like to join them for a meal and perhaps dessert after provided he was a limber and free spirited man with an open evening. The man hesitated at first most certainly Yes_Please_Daddy wagered because it was an unexpected and blunt offer, the way Daddy tended to me though. Upon declining the courier turned around and exited the residence the same way they came.

"Oh well!" Yes_Please_Daddy exclaimed "It would seem Vittorio and their high priced lawyers and looking to proceed down this winding route of despair. No matter we shall be prepared whenever it is Vittorio pops their head out from whatever gopher hole they find themselves in"

Daddy went on to explain of how the judge chosen for the case was known in the area although they were unsure of their ethics or record with cases similar to the one Vittorio was accusing Yes_Please_Daddy of. As Daddy understood the judge typically handled much more high-profile cases so it did seem a little suspicious they were involved with this. A curiosity which led Daddy to ponder hiring a PI although as Daddy said there was no need for that at this moment. Perhaps it is a matter which could be solved amicably between the parties without a court case or lawyers looking to make a few quick dollars.

As Yes_Please_Daddy understood it Vittorio or their crack legal team were now on the clock and there was nothing more for Daddy nor Yes_Please-Daddy to do.

It was bright and early in the morning when somebody began pounding on his front door, waking him up from the dead of sleep, he quickly reached over clumsily for his pistol, almost knocking it off the side of the end table next to the head of his head.. another few pounds came at the door but no voice, he whipped back the covers and slowly rose to his feet as he held the pistol in his right hand..

The pounding stopped as he got to the door and began peaking through the dark peephole on the door.. the porch was simply lit, but it didn't appear to be anyone outside.. he called out to someone on the other side of the door and waited a moment but got no reply. Slowly opening the door now with the pistol raised, he found nobody was there except for a small box addressed to him from 'L&L Law.. what a strange time for someone to be delivering a package like this, but nonetheless he picked it up with a smile and took it inside..

"Been waiting for something to arrive.."

Sitting down on his couch, he quickly lit a cigarette and opened the sealed box up to read the contents.. it looked as if his case was moving forward but they needed some more information about the harassment. There was a paper with a small questionnaire and a empty envelope that was already addressed to a civil court and number. Luis almost felt like a rat as he stared over the paper, like as if he was giving up some sacred information shit about his business.. but honestly this was all just civil. Nothing criminal about it..

He whipped out the pen he had in the drawer of the coffee table and ashed his cigarette as he began writing..

"To start off to question one. Yes, it was claimed my step father had a lack of style and these crazy people came out into the streets shortly after his death to kick him about his appearance.. I don't know too much about the matter. But I do know my step father had plenty of style.. he always wore the finest suit.. I can't comment on the allegations of him wearing board shorts to the beach though.. not sure what kind of person of his status ever wears shorts..

Question two. Yea, I am suing for defamation of character. My family had to deal with the verbal abuse and written harassment following the death of my step father.. false allegations of my anger were made and false allegations of his death were made.. surely that accounts for some kind of money?

Question three. I will not settle for anything less then what was lost during the legal procedures after my step father death.. he had many millions stashed away in the bank and I was robbed of my inheritance because of these people. Along with the damages awarded for the harassment, I'm asking for the 30 million my father had in his federal bank account, the same money that was seized before all this happened."

Satisfied, Luis folded up the paper and stuffed it into the envelope before licking the seal and shutting it. He would make sure this got out into the mail to the judge at the soonest possible time he could.

Willie gets home from a rough day of beating up old ladies and robbing squirrels, only to find a stack of files on his desk...

"Eh...more litigation, is it? I thought I gave up that gig when I killed that Public Defender for fucking up my cousin's case. Oh well, a few extra bucks, I suppose. Let's see what we have here..."

Willie looks through the file named "Luis_Patangeli v. The Kukus"...

"Hmmm....hmmm....hmmm...."

Willie looks through the file named "Vittorio vs Yes_Please_Daddy"...

"Hmmm....hmmm....hmmm...."

Willie looks through all his desk drawers for telegrams or other messages...

"I can't seem to find any bribes from any of these people. What the hell is this bullshit? Do they think I do this for my health? Sheesh".

"I will just have to assume they get their shit together...and their checkbooks out."

Willie begins thinking out loud while drafting a Memo to counsel...

"Alright then, I assume both Vittorio and Luis, by and through their counsel, have provided a copy of the Complaint to the defendants in each of the respective cases. They should lay out the cause of action, a summary of the alleged harms, and the remedy sought for damage."

The Defendants have four days to provide an Answer to the Complaint, responding to each of the allegations by affirming or denying them, at which time both parties should submit to me a brief. Any evidence that either party intends on using during the trial should be provided to their adversary within 48 hours before the trial".

"Any questions about any of this procedure should be brought to Yes_Please_Daddy. I assume he can be impartial. Do not bring the questions to me. I don't have time for that shit and I don't care."

Just so there is no confusion:

Questions ---> Yes_Please_Daddy

Bribes ---> Willie_G_Skull

Once again Yes Please Daddy had heard there was activity with their upcoming court case. This time as they were in the vicinity of the court house Yes Please Daddy walked over to read what the judge had informed the parties about. Yes Please Daddy immediately became confused at what was being said, did Willie believe Yes Please Daddy was a defendant or an officer of the court? Yes Please Daddy was not aware of the process by which the court operated and seeing that judge Willie had stated questions should be sent to Yes Please Daddy alarmed them a slight bit. While Yes Please Daddy was always willing to entertain a group of professionals it did see a bit entrapping to do it in a court room.

Perhaps Yes Please Daddy thought Judge Willie had misspoken about the current situation and it would be remedied by the court to reflect the correct and accurate information about where to send questions.

Standing behind the unaware Yes_Please_Daddy, Willie tapped him on the shoulder...

"There is no confusion. You are a defendant in the case and I considered that you might be willing to answer questions about the procedure I've laid out in a good faith manner to anyone who isn't sure what to do. If this is not something you are willing to do, there is no order compelling you to do so. I will simply bill for any additional time it costs court personnel to answer questions and add it to the court costs, which are already considerable since I'm supposed to be on vacation, then make note of your unwillingness to serve your community. Those notes will not bias my decision in any way, but they will be in the record as a reflection of your character, should it become an issue".

As Yes Please Daddy was tapped on the shoulder and incorrectly addressed by the judge they felt compelled to point out that they were as of now not a defendant in any case as nothing had been brought against them. Surely this "judge" should be aware of such a fact but as Yes Please Daddy was learning this whole case was nothing more than a shake down of a hard working member of society by a pack of money hungry gophers.

"Your honor I shall not do your job for you" Yes Please Daddy said as they walked out to return to Daddys residence for a bit of relaxation.