The last 24 hours have seen the fall of many prominent mobsters. We have witnessed the end of DangerClose's tenure at the top of our society, the slaying of 9 family heads by my count and the destruction of the majority of the West coast. A lot of very capable people have had their lights shut off for good and we stand at a crossroads as to how we will proceed from here. Will things improve? Do they need to? Who will take us forward from here?

Those questions are not for me to answer because I have far more pressing concerns to address. I am here to talk about the ugliest elephant carcass in the room and the most important talking point to come out of yesterday's conflict. We finally witnessed the long overdue killing of __________I_________, doubtlessly the stupidest name ever bestowed upon a person in the history of this world; a claim I don't make lightly given some of the stupid fucking names around here.  

I would like to raise a glass and dedicate this space as a shrine to whoever it was who slew this buffoon and would like to offer the prize of $111,732 to the person who finally pulled the trigger on that monster. I know I speak for everyone when I thank you from the bottom of my heart for removing this travesty of a moniker from every day life. No more will I have to count the number of underscores before sending a mail. No more will I have to endure the fact there are not even the same fucking amount of them either side of the dumb I. Thank you, murderer. Thank you. 

Now, however number 2, I also want this space to be considered a warning. A warning in the strongest possible terms to each and every one of us who stood by and watched this abomination rise to the top of the heap and cheapen the title 'Godfather' with his disgusting underscores and took no action to stop him. This can never be allowed to happen again. We owe it to ourselves and all those who come after us to ensure that we never again tolerate the naming practice of multiple underscores around a single initial. This practice needs to be outlawed and enforced with the heaviest of heavy hands. 

I hold no sway over those in power being a lowly Thug. I can however plead to your humanity and ask that you think of the greater good. Do the right thing; hunt down these heathens whenever they should arise. One underscore, watchlist, two underscores, isolation, regular beating and lots of time to think about the mistakes they've made, any more than that, bullet to the back of the head. Take no chances.

So for now, let us be proud of the killer of the  __________I_________ beast, but also let us keep our wits about us so that this black mark upon our history is not repeated again. 19 fucking underscores, Jesus Christ. Rest in peace, motherfucker.

Floppy, you better get back here right away and explain to me where you got this dossier and why you are handing it to me. Are you trying to frighten me, Floppy? Is that your game? Do you think you can come out here and give me this warning and just stroll off into the sunset? Absolutely not. I make the warnings around here, buddy. I demand to know where you got this information.  

A speech about shit names by a guy called Grin-24, who’d have thought it, eh?

Still, at least it’s not as bad as Ayeno_Thaik_Wondough, or even WhiteNikeSocks. Did the mother of that child hate them or just really love socks? 

Hearing someone ranting in the distance something about a great man with a great name, a dark stranger approaches takes a seat and listens carefully. Intrigued by this Grin-24, he nodded and agreed with all that is said. 

Grin-24 you speak sense. A name with so many uneven underscores should never be allowed to walk these streets again. 

With that he reaches into his picket handing Grin-24 a note that reads 

It could be worse 

Everyone, I'm sorry. I only have myself to blame. 

Bonkers, stunned at the tragedy of this man taking his own life, continued:

Once again, another promising youngster leaves these shores.

The one who shall not be named has claimed another life.

How long must we endure these turbulent times. Is there light at the end of this tunnel?

He then took a deep breath and shouted:

Friends, brothers, sisters. I say we rise for our rights. 

We rise for a better world.

A world of even-ness.

A world without underscores.

A world where you can go around feeling safe at night without having to fear... that monster.

Join today the Underscore Patriotic Uneven Retaliation Alliance for Strength and Solidarity(UPURASS).

Join now and help make the world a better place.

Jon overheard the ongoing discussion on naming travesty, underscores and numbered people and smiled

"Even when godfathers have been falling like ripe olives from an age old olive tree in a sudden late summer storm, thank God, humour survived."

My soul is caught.

As I get some sort of wierd satisfaction out of being annoying, I can’t help but feel a sense of camaraderie with the man of underscores. I’ll bet  he went into his grave laughing with both middle fingers in the air. What a fucking beauty.