An Open Letter to the Lineage of Tetley/Flash-Fire

Hello old friend.  And you are my friend, despite whatever nonsense you retain a tight grip on in terms of resentments.  The truth is, neither of us know why you are so strongly attached to the path of darkness, that is, the path of negativity and aggression.

I am a sovereign individual.  Objectively a nice person, who has been subjected to years of anger and mean-spirited words from you.  Decades of implied death threads.  Millions of dollars have been returned to me, following my generosity in sorting you out with a bit of cash here and there.

And for what?  I don't know why you hate me.  And I don't think you do either.  I think you simply find yourself in a situation.  Allow me to develop a point.  If we think of you as mass produced cream of tomato soup, then we arrive at a point where action is required.  You are of course hived off from a gigantic vat of cream of tomato soup, but you are indistinguished from the rest.  What you do, in persecuting me, is opt not to form the basis of a satisfying lunch, perhaps with croutons, pink peppercorns, and coffee.  Instead you seek out the confinement of a tin.  You weld yourself into this tin (the tin representing the limitations of your intellect, it having been rendered dull and useless because of battering).  The very mist of your soupiness then morphs into a steam-hand, which grabs a nearby welder (a device, not an actual man employed as a welder - that would be absurd), and  you then weld your entire being into this tin.

And there you stay, son.  Bland soup in a doubly closed tin.

 I want you to get out of your tin.  I want you to have ambition.  I want you to have a sit-down with me, and let's clean the dried basil out of your ears and talk some bloody sense into you.  

I'm not your enemy, son.

Please sign your name below.  This is a petition to compel Tetley/Flash-Fire to have a sit-down with me.

JOIN ME

I sign this petition wholeheartedly. Flash Kitten should have a sit down with you, and you can feed him sardines from a tin. Meow.