As the right-hand man to one of the most influential men in the business, part of my duties is making sure only the most pressing and important information makes it to his desk. Being a crewleader is a tough job. It's a lot of work. In just a week, Ronnie has brokered a peace treaty, said no to purging, published an electric interview, bravely avenged the murder of AlliedProWacker, and diligently sought the WS of Pacino, whose killer remains at large; as much, and often more, than most achieve in their lifetimes in the job. Ronnie simply doesn't have time to deal with every single person who wants to reach him, though he appreciates their well-intentioned reverence as much as anyone. 

In order to recognize some of these people, I'd like to take a minute to spotlight a few choice selections from the fan mail basket.

Let's begin:

To: Not_a_Proer
From: RonnieVanZant
Sent: Aug 17, '24 14:28
Subject:

Whatever hippy bitch 

To: RonnieVanZant
From: Not_a_Proer
Sent: Aug 17, '24 13:19
Subject:

You are a troll and I look forward to ending you soon

I liked Not_a_Proer immediately. He had juice. But Ronnie's response was everything you could hope for in a leader: strong, decisive, an unmistakeable subtext of demonstrative violence. These men brought the best out of each other. The best idol-fan relationships demonstrate symbiotic benefits, and this one was a doozy. 

To: RonnieVanZant
From: Gianni_Ligambi
Sent: Aug 23, '24 17:50
Subject:

*spits on you*

Gianni_Ligambi, a Wise Guy in the Joseph_Ligambi crew, is next on the list. It wasn't as much a piece of fan mail as it was drool on paper but you get the sense that happens often with Gianni, whether intended or not. I wouldn't be surprised if his mother had taken to laying a newspaper out over the floor before opening his letters. He's a good kid, and a Ligambi, and we wish him all the best because we know he's trying. 

To: RonnieVanZant
From: Kast
Sent: Aug 25, '24 01:41
Subject:

Why are you not dead yet? You’re a fucking rogue with a shit crew and no defense. Wtf is really going on??

The LHM of Allie is a longtime fan and supporter but he must've sustained some sort of concussion before sending this one because it's nothing like his previous correspondence, even forgetting to tuck his usual lipstick-stained napkin into the envelope. Ronnie earned auth from Kast's own GFC, both myself and purge survivor Skorp make up a clearly not-shit crew, and Ronnie is fully BGed and fortified, so wrong again. 

Kast, you have got some reading up to do but we're going to send you another signed Ronnie Van Zant photo for your collection anyway because we like you, we like New York, and we're all friends here, especially Ronnie and Sniffler, your superiors. 

That's all for now but I'll be sure to add a few more highlights to the list when there's more to share, and with a man as great as Ronnie, I'm sure there will be.

TomOfFinland, this is just the sort of brilliance that means you'll always be my RHM, no matter how much Scorned complains.

Completely on their own initiative, it seems the Questions of Money assembled and have been sending Gianni_Ligambi telegrams with examples of me being good.

I think our crew has almost single-handedly transformed the discursive community 

TomOfFinland is one, if not, the single greatest Right Hand Man of The Questions of Money. With sheer strength he puts people down like it's nobodies business. TomOfFinland and myself make a great team. We also have BeefStroganoffer, Ken, and AlliedProWacker-2 as well, to mske up our beautiful family!

With all these Questions of Purge. Maybe I need to start employing BGs!

Ronnie has today received the ultimate fan mail: a big fat bullet to his big fat dome. 

RIP

It really is such a tragedy :/ I had such high hopes for Detroit as a city.  Maybe one of you young whipper snappers that were under his

fortifications can step up and rebuild Detroit to the great city that we all know it can be. Skorp, it may be time to man up and assume the

rightful throne. You may be a young lad but I have complete faith in your ability to lead vicariously just as your previous leader Mr.

RonnieVanZant did. Thoughts and prayers go out to the family of the lost and I wish you all good luck on the remainder of your journeys!

@Ravenger, thank you for your kind words. Unfortnately, I am a little wee Earner. I don't have enough clout for this position you have put me up for. I appreciate the vote of confidence, though. TomOfFinland, have we located said killer of our wonderful boss yet?

Kast, your presence here is proof of the influence Ronnie has even as a dead man . I count you as one of his greatest fans indeed. I see no other reason why you, a Left Hand Man of a Godfather family would choose to break your street virginity in this context.

Truly we are blessed by your special appearance. Before today I didn't know you existed, and now I salute you special Kast. It is just a shame you were not able to send fan mail whilst he still lived, before Ronnie's melon head exploded.

Kast, it's good to hear you are the kind of person who requires confirmation 7 days after the fact that an auth with all of the standard announcements, speeches and a week of longevity was indeed not a rogue. You seem like you're very much on the ball, it's easy to tell how you've risen to a position of leadership and exactly how much value you provide in that position. Coming from probably the #1 RHM in the country before Ronnie ate the poisoned apple, that's no light compliment. 

Kast interestingly advised us to hit him up, should we every want to add to our longevity and no less than 2 hours later, retires. 

You brought up RVZ twice in your short speech, clearly showing your obsession with him. We all have love for RVZ, some just really hate to admit it. 

Kast will be reunited with Ronnie in heaven, that's what matters.

I hope they are happier now they are together.

RIP Kast.