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Mafioso Tradizione
Issue 5
Jan 10 2012
MASSARCE(S) HITS UNDERWORLD
by Sal_Giaquinto
First Blood
War came to our streets nearly five days after ringing in the New Year. Members of the Philadelphia crime syndicates were hunted and eradicated without prejudice, marking the largest takedown since the Detroit massacre (highlighted in Mafioso Tradizione Issue 1). Philadelphia was unable to muster any resistance. Authorities believe the killings are linked to elements of the Chicago and New Orleans organized crime families. Witnesses stated New Orleans kingpin Stamina was seen leaving the home of Philadelphia acting godmother LottaBEssen after multiple gunshots were heard. To date, no statement has been released to the streets for the reasoning behind the killings. Off the record, the activities of the late bodyguard assassin untouchables were cited as a possible justification. The notable deceased include earlier mentioned acting godmother LottaBEssen and underboss Pharol.
St. Louis takes a bite out of the Big Apple
Almost 24 hours following the takedown of Philadelphia – a wave of gangland violence was brought upon the New York crime families. Acting godfather Stallion and the heads of the New York families were almost immediately killed. Surviving underboss of the DEMONIC PHOENIXES, -Ladyfighter- and capo ImNotTeQ took to the mattresses and exchanged fire with St. Louis. In the initial confusion Chicago mobsters Blutarsky, Aang and T-Man-The-Second were mistakenly gunned down by New York triggermen. This mistake ushered in the reprisal of Chicago. Casualties were inflicted to both St. Louis and New York syndicates, but New York by far suffered the most. It is rumored that ImNotTeQ reached out and arranged a duel between himself and St. Louis godfather Hound. Authorities revealed that ImNotTeQ body was found in a vacant parking lot. Coroner’s office commented that the gun wounds inflicted on ImNotTeQ were of two different calibers suggesting two different shooters. Hours later –Ladyfighter- also succumbed to her wounds and perished. The notable dead include acting godfather of New York Stallion, NY bosses Ashes and doogle. As of yet, no official statement has been released from St. Louis for the aggression.
Closing the gates on Gateway City
Yesterday, 11pm on the dime, yet another wave of gangland violence hit the streets. The aggression was directed towards St. Louis syndicates. Godfather Hound, bosses JewishJake and WorldsStrongestMan along other high ranking members of the organization were immediately gun down. Many surviving members rallied to Madara, who took refuge in the empty streets of Los Angeles. On the offensive were the cities of Chicago and New Orleans. Unofficially the hostilities were justified for the deaths of Chicago mobsters Blutarsky, Aang and T-Man-The-Second who were mistakenly killed days earlier. Shots were exchanged between both sides, resulting in the death of many high profile mobsters. Hostilities eventually ended when Madara perished.
On behalf of the Mafioso Tradizione staff - our hearts go each of the fallen.
NOSTALGIA TODAY
Source: Mafia Gazette Issue 130 - Dec 28th '03
Courtesy: Jaundies Gazette Archive
FATHER TEQ DEAD
Uncle Nicky shot down Father TeQ after the good father tried to defend his family after hearing rumours of Phattony’s involvement with High Society. High Society is an underground group that spawns up every once in a while into public view through rogue crews hell-bent on taking out the current leaders. Mr. TeQ disguised himself to investigate the rumour he had heard about a planned rebellion by this group on New Years Eve that included plans to remove the current family leaders from their seats of leadership and replace them with chosen members of High Society’s higher ranks. In a public statement TeQ included transcripts of conversations held between himself (in disguise) and Phattony and others where Phattony discussed the New Years plans as well as other happenings on the HS front. Uncle Nicky stated, “Any leader who shoots mine dies even if I have to take them all down by myself.” Also said to be a member of this underground group was recent rogue Death Claim.
JOKE OF THE WEEK:
A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly, she spotted the most beautiful car that she had ever seen, and walked over to inspect it. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escaped. Embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed and hoped a sales person didn't pop up right now. But, as she turned back, there, standing next to her, was a salesman. With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?" Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted simply from touching it, you are going to shit when you hear the price."
EDITORIAL: SPIES? LOWER THAN SCUM?
by I-despise-Spies
With the fall of New York many asked, “Why was this done?” With at least, up to the date of this editorial, only one person stepping forward and claiming responsibility for the fall of New York. Now let me assure you, the person who stepped forward was NOT a Godfather, or Crewleader head... not even a Right Hand, I dare say not even a Made Man from the warring city...
The person who steps forward to claim the responsibility was SuperBee... a then Wise Guy from New York. This rat.. strolls into IRC Avenue. After most are dead and explains he was a plant.. a spy, for Hound. Apparently a very good friend of Hound. He goes on to explain how he informed Hound of an attack coming from New York, Stallion and Ashes were planning and he was privy to the conversation... Now after speaking with children of the fallen, and read journals I can safely say, no war for St. Louis was ever planned or discussed. This rat took advantage of a friendship to cause chaos and destruction. Providing false information for no other reason than his own enjoyment. When we allow paranoia to run our lives we give in to any mad mans whim. With rats like this roaming our streets not just out of control but encouraged to find “information” we are all in danger! I hope a lesson has been learned, regardless of how long you have known your next door neighbor or the guy who delivers this edition of the paper to your door step, take the rumors they hand you lightly. Do your homework and yes we are mafioso but can we not use diplomacy must we act uncivilized?
This Bee stung our community once, let us make sure it never stings again...
RIGHTHANDMAN SPOTLIGHT
Sadly this interview was completed only a day before Pharol was gunned down. We felt it important to keep his memory alive by submitting this great interview.
Well folks, down on IRC avenue the other day in the coffee shop known as #DL I was some how tricked in to writing and conducting an interview for your Mafioso Tradizione. See, this is what happens when I don't keep my big mouth shut. I was challenged shall we say, to come up with an interview that was interesting yet informative with a mafia boss who really wanted to get his point across. So, after many rejections of my advances on him for 'cyberz' we finally got to business. However, there was no sock placed on the door handle. Here is what happened. - PoisonousJelly
PoisonousJelly: Well, Pharol... Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to speak to me. Hell, who am I kidding, we all know you've been waiting for this day like a hungry dog waits for his master to feed him. Annnyway...
What brought you to the life of crime?
Pharol: Money. I'm a greedy bastard, and some say that's what turned my HQ into a fortress of tyranny.
PJ: Ahh the tyranny, obviously a well known fact among the mafia. What would you say makes you a tyrant?
P: Well, I like to start off my morning like every CL with a few baby seals to club. Then I move on to bigger and better things, like making Tristan clean up the floor when Sasdin doesn't make it to the bathroom.
PJ: Sounds like a well uhm 'oiled'? machine. So what of your son? Would you want him to follow in your footsteps? Is he a little tyrant in the making?
P: Fuck no. The little prick takes a shitton of my cash, and runs off to some New York school to become an "artist". That last thing I see in him is a tyrant.
PJ: He's a ponce? I'm not suprised *AHEM* uhm... What were the goals you set out to achieve apon arriving off the boat?
P: As soon as I saw the circumstances of each city, I knew I wanted to work in Philly. My goal was to bring Philly up as best I could. I guess the "greed" bit took a backseat to "pride".
PJ: Admirable I must say, for a mobster. Now you're a Crewleader, have your goals changed?
P: Slightly. "Pride" took a backseat to progress, and I've been working with other Philly folk to bring together what we want out of Philadelphia.
PJ: Excellent, We'll talk a little bit more about your involvement in Philly soon. First, I would like to gather your opinions on some things. There has been talk in the streets lately about a lot of old topics. What're your views, say on the use of your bloodline to get you by in life?
P: I think it's sad that people develop self-entitlement from the accomplishments of their ancestors. The only reason I would bring up my father is to show you how much better I've done than him. He's dead, what leverage could he possibly get me? Sorry, you're supposed to be asking the questions. That was rhetorical.
PJ: Some say that past relatives can show a leader just how trust worthy they are and help them towards earning things faster in life. For example, their button.
P: Yeah, a criminal uses his father's name to get ahead in life. It doesn't surprise me, but I'd hate to see a Crewleader accept such logic for a Made promotion.
PJ: What do you view as member whoring and how do you think we should eradicate it? If indeed you do think it should be stopped.
P: This is quite a sensitive issue, and I'm glad you brought it up. In my mind, "members" is the new precious resource. In our world, the "precious resource" shifts between money, kills, and people. When it's "money" you get instances where people will use dirty methods to make a quick buck. When it's "kills", you get unnecessary conflict for the sake of building up a gun.
PJ: So what do you think of the technique of forcing your sponsorship on civilians?
P: When it's "people", you have recruiting letters clamoring for a newbie's attention; and that can give the new guy a sense of entitlement, which is a bad attitude to give a newbie. I think the best technique is to simply explain everything to them. I have had conversations with countless mafiosi, and they'll head off to another family. I don't feel betrayed or cheated, because my intent with them is just to help them understand our world better. If they find another family more appealing, I'm glad they came to a reasonable conclusion to join them.
PJ: So more along the lines of teaching them to make a decision for themselves rather than grooming them to join you?
P: Exactly. The number of new people walking our streets has dipped over the past few years. More than recruitment, we need retention.
PJ: Couldn't say fairer than thats, sir.
So, Philly was once in the opinion of many, a laughable city. One that wasn't to be taken seriously with the mishaps and public berating in the streets of not so long a go. How do you think Philly has over come this so far? Do you believe that it is now a city to be reackoned with?
P: I think we are in a constant state of overcoming our issues. Every city has issues, and it's the way we people come together to solve issues is what defines us. I'm not going to sit here and act like Philly is a powerhouse, but we are in a constant state of growth; noticeable growth.
PJ: Pharol, thank you very much for speaking to me today. I feel we have certainly got to know you a little bit better. I wish you all the best with your endeavours.
* Pharol runs off with your hubcaps.
PJ: Oi! Get back here! I took them from MonaLott's car! She finds out I won't get any more cookies!!!
DEAR CASSI
Dear Cassi,
I've heard that testosterone is a natural steriod. I've also read that steriods increase muscle mass. Since the penis is mostly comprised of muscle tissue, is it safe to say by increasing one's testosterone levels one would in fact increase their penis size (over time) as well?
PS. - What is the best remedy for premature ejaculation that doesn't include expensive prescription drugs?
Regards,
SmallQuickie
Dear SmallQuickie,
Haven't you ever heard that phrase... Size doesn't matter?? Or... It's not the size of the boat it's the motion in the ocean?? Well... I must tell you. Those people are LYING!!! By all means, do WHATEVER necessary to increase that size!!! Testosterone, penis pumps, enhancement pills, SURGERY FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!! But just remember... Size does matter.
P.S. Have you ever tried picturing your grandparents getting it on? That visual just might help extend the life of your penis.
Sincerely,
Captain Cassi
Dear Cassi,
Recently I decided to venture into the turkey smuggling business after reading that they were becoming hard to find in Canada. There is an apparent high demand for turkeys and not enough supply for petting zoos. Not knowing where to get a turkey I asked around and my wife told me that they sold them at the grocery store. I quickly went to the store of many foods and picked up three turkeys. I decided to name them Tequila rose, Matt, and Jack. It was all going well I thought. Then the problem started when I found out they only want meleagris gallopavo silvestris turkeys. I do not know what kind of turkeys I have. It is hard to tell because the previous owner seems to have removed their feathers and other identifying marks. How can I find out if I have the right type of turkey for smuggling with all of that in mind?
Sincerely,
Trying to broaden the smuggling market
Dear Smuggler,
While I'm not a professional smuggler by any means... I would venture a guess here that you're doing it wrong. I bet these people are looking for alive turkeys. Maybe you should check into something a little easier? Maybe sheep smuggling? Or Alpaca's? Those seem to be all the rage today!! At any rate, I don't think you're going to find what you're looking for at the local supermarket.
Sincerely,
Not Black Market Friendly Cassi
Dear Cassi,
How do you make women *Explicit* *Explicit*? I mean it's not difficult to do it *Explicit*(once you find it) but that feels like I'm taking the easy road. I like to work for it so it feels like I accomplished something challenging and worthwhile.
Your response it greatly anticipated.
Sincerely,
Stuck dialing zero on the pink telly
Dear Stuck,
It's funny that you call it the easy road, because most men think the easy road is just missing it altogether. I am quite *Explicit* to receive a request for such assistance, I didn't think this kind of curiosity in men existed! And I wish I had a uniformed answer for you. But unfortunately, just like *Explicit* for men, the *Explicit* is different for every woman. The best advice I can give is keep *Explicit*! Try different *Explicit*, *Explicit* and one day you just may be rewarded for your efforts. And if not, at least you'll have fun trying!
Sincerely,
Cassi Westheimer
***
EDITORIALS:
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*Disclaimer: Views expressed in editorials aren’t necessary shared by the Mafioso Tradizione*
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