Are you like me in a world questioning where you belong or what you truly have to offer? I can’t help but wonder if anyone else feels like they are in this epidemic of apathy. That no matter how we try to escape it these mountains of expectation continue to build. If you are experiencing a similar situation how are you personally combating it?

Tupac takes a puff and looks out to his homies. Those young thugs trying to make a living who aren’t guilty of the crimes they commit because of the feeling of goodness they get when they contribute back to society, similar to Robin Hood.

The age old question lingers in my mind. How active should we be as uppers or made men or really at all? Is there an approach to our time commitment in these suits that properly expresses our valuation of this life? Are we utilizing our time to the best of our ability maximizing our efforts in obtaining mafia success or are we doing the bare minimum to keep our crews afloat in dry times?

I look back in the public recordings and journals of yesterday and it appears to me that the life of the mafioso in our world has Been in a constant state of evolution. The expectations of leadership and the experience of the adventure of our lives has altogether changed. Is it all been for the better? Is the requirement of more time spent really the answer or is it the quality that occurs within the time spent that justifies a leader?

I found myself looking through some public shaming of uppers who display low levels of engagement in a public way and I could not help but think to myself how idiotic that was. Despite people being around for more hours each week does not guarantee them to be the kind of leader we hope our children to be served by. Availability is important, please do not disregard that, but availability with no attempts made signals of apathy. Don’t get me wrong, as a current Right Hand I am giving available time I have to be present and represent the crew, to recruit and help lead, but my time pales in comparison to those who don’t have the unique obligations I have. 

I think I myself am living in an activity pandemic. A staleness realizing my bloodline can no longer compete with the likes of those who have the vast amount of hours to give and the type of cannons they can build. I see others who once lived on a measure of quality within short bursts of engagement share with me they are unable to compete at the highest levels. Perhaps this is for a time as our world continues to evolve or perhaps it’s permanent and the expectations of leadership is to put forth higher hours of commitment. A sadness sinks within me when I recognize the days of those three month crews and cities are gone. For me, a personal staleness has grown. Reminded of the mountain tops to climb to achieve such success could never again be my blood. The ideals and dreams that was once held have sunk into the depths of memories. Now all that seems to reside is a desire to support and strengthen, which isn’t bad, it’s just not for myself. Is that good? 

I guess I am grateful for my bloodline to have been able to achieve such great things. To have befriended many and to have overcome odds that were stacked against them. Perhaps it is time for me to recognize that this is not a bad season of life for me but a different season calling me to awaken to new desires and passions allowing others to step into places I can no longer go. To consult with rather than commit to. Perhaps this is the time of my life where it is actually not a pandemic of activity but just a new way of life. 

If you find yourself in a boat like me, struggling to see what you offer the world, what’s giving you hope? I think for me shifting my perception and frame of mind in recognizing what I can still give and offer opposed to what I have left behind gives me a surge of confidence that I still have something worth giving. Maybe it’s teaching the new guy how to shoot a gun, probably it’s just being present to the person in your crew who is down on their luck, whatever it is what are you finding worth giving? 

Tupac steps to the side takes a sip from his drink and hopes for someone to share their view.

Thank you so much for this eye-opening perception. Luna looked around her and noticed that others may have been hesitant to step forward and voice their opinions, but Tupac's insights about his current view of life made her think deeply. 

I obviously cannot speak for the other mafiosos here, so I will share what I know of my ancestors' journey. However, there are a lot of questions you have posed so I will try to explain my thoughts slowly. She calmly said then smiled.

Are we utilizing our time to the best of our ability maximizing our efforts in obtaining mafia success or are we doing the bare minimum to keep our crews afloat in dry times?

Well it's easy to judge someone by looking at their activity and achievements, though I think it's a bit harsh to say that one is doing the bare minimum. Also I truly don't think time is the best measurement of success. What one has achieved in a year could be achieved in just a few weeks for someone else. Quality over quantity right? 

Furthermore, I think we need to stop obsessing over how much time someone is spending in their headquarters because it's dragging us away from the true essence of being in a crew. As I recall my ancestors' lives as crew members, they had no problem putting in the hours and eventually climbed up the ranks, but what was it all really for without engaging with fellow crew mates? What kind of crew leader or upper are you when you only clock in when it's time to complete your daily hustles and not even greet your members when you step foot into the HQ? 

I simply cannot accept that this is just a 'new way of life'. 

I'm truly put off by it. Probably why I have not followed my ancestors' footsteps as quickly as I should. I am probably in an activity pandemic too. 

If you find yourself in a boat like me, struggling to see what you offer the world, what’s giving you hope? I think for me shifting my perception and frame of mind in recognizing what I can still give and offer opposed to what I have left behind gives me a surge of confidence that I still have something worth giving.

My new goal is to help my family in whatever way I can, but mostly through exposure in the streets and enforcing increased camaraderie. I may not be able to offer any sense of leadership like my ancestors did, so I will try my best to help in other ways.