Sneaker walks up and tacks a bulletin on the board.

Indianapolis welcomes all of you football fans to our city. Feel free to ask a local if you are lost. We are more than happy to help. We might even just interject if we overhear you wondering where something is (like I did just yesterday.) We are friendly like that. Do not be surprised when you have a great time. We will do this event justice just as we have the Indy 500 over the last 100 years. We are used to big events so this will be a breeeze for us.BUT

Don't take our hospitality for granted. This is a city of over 800,000 people, 400,000 of which have to problem grabbing you, throwing you to the ground and holding you for the police should we see you commit a crime. We will not walk by like it isn't happening. Once you are caught you will spend time in our County jail which is over 100 years old and we have no intentions of updating it to make you comfortable. You will not get a speedy trial. You will not be released within a few hours. We take our sweet time processing people so plan on making yourself confortable and being detained until the event is over.

We are happy to have you here. We will keep you entertained through the Superbowl festivities and the game itself. When it is all over, we will gladly show you the way to the airport and convert our two lane veins into town into one way veins out so you can easily begin a safe journey home.