At this point I've received zero tips, no one cares about me. No one cares about what I was bringing to the table. Have fun finding out about wars and why they're happening without someone like me. I've written a song about how much this has pissed me off:

I wrote a newsparper

It was about what's going on

The happenings from today

and from yesterdayyyyy

I wrote a newsparper

[He wrote a newparper]

Ohhhh I wrote a newspapper

[He wrote a new paper]

Ohhhh I wrote a newspapper

[He wrote a newparper]

Ohhhh I wrote a newspapper

[He wrote a new paper]

I was feeling like bringing you all to hear the news

But no one wanted to know it

Like a ostrich you dug your head in the saaaaaand

I'm so dissapointed in you all, you've let me down and today is my last day that I write a new paper and you'll never hear from me again and I'm so fucking sick of this bullshit all I ever wanted to do was bring the news to people but no one wants to hear the news cause all they want to do is be bullshit and bullshit and I fucking am sick of this place, I put in so much fucking hard work and for what? Fuck you.

[He wrote a newparper]

Ohhhhhhhhh I'm done writing newspaprerrrrr

Anyways, sorry that I brought creativity and love and investigations to this world of ours. I'll never do that bullshit again. None of you deserve these talents of mine and I'm done. 

Unless you guys liked the paper? Please say one thing nice about it and I'll reconsider. Thank you.

Unless you guys liked the paper? Please say one thing nice about it and I'll reconsider. Thank you.

"I thought my grandparents newspapers were fun, but i laughed so much just reading your newspaper's title, that i almost peed myself. Keep it up!"

After careful consideration, I will be retiring and no longer having Newapper because of one thing and one thing only. The love I received for telling it like it is and never wavering in the face of evil was so overwhelming that I will forever cherish the kind words such as "I enjoyed the lack of giving any information whatsoever." 

The reason I will be retiring is because Joseph Litigations over there has sent his lawyers after me. His dogs of war, Micheal, Michael, and Motorcycle have sent me the following letter:

Dear Digornio,

Cease and desist writing this newspaper. Joseph Ligambi has told us that you have used his name as the funder of said paper and he will be suing you. You suck, you're gonna get buried in suits. We hate you. You have twenty four hours to retire or else you're gonna die, you moron.

From the law offices of, 

Michael, Michael, and Motorcycle

When I read this I was ashocked and now I have to leave you all. I can't fight lawyers, and this is what these cowards are throwing at me. I'll forever remember you all fondly.

Bye.

This is an abomination!

The people responsible must suffer great consequences. This was the best newparper to ever exist on these shores, it was a piece of art, a shining beacon of inspiration to the journalism world.

Unacceptable.