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The Bank of GiveEmAndBleedEmDry Started by: LeonaHelmsley on Oct 02, '07 11:51
As you walk out of the bank, having been rejected for a loan for the 10th time due to your shady line of work, a man in a dark alley motions you over.

Pssst, the word on the street is that you need cash bad. I know just the person who can help you. No its not some shady loanshark, this is one of the richest woman in the world who decided to take her mean streak to the streets and help you poor slobs. Call this number and set up an appoinment. You BETTER be on time or your ass is grass



The man walked away leaving you with a card reading:

Leona's Bank of GiveEmAndBleedEmDry
Short term loans and long term loans.


After wondering about this for days, you finaly make the call and get the following letter in the mail the next day.


————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————


So you want a loan.

Leona's Bank of GiveEmAndBleedEmDry can do that, but you need to understand what its about.

Mark Twain said it right: The only people that a bank will loan money to is the very people who don't need it."



Short Term Loans

————————

Short terms loans are loans that last 1.5 minutes, enough time to purchase drugs, fly, and sell drugs.If after 1.5 minutes your loan is not fully paid back, you will be dropped in the East River. I'm a rich bitch and I plan to stay that way.

Most people are approved for these instant loans.


The current interest rate is 10% and the maximum loan amounts are as follows:


Civilian: 35,000


Thug: 35,000


Gangster: 35,000


Goomba: 70,000


Earner: 105,000


Wiseguy+: 140,000

Once I respond to your loan request you will be required to give me the following details:


Your current location.


What drug you will be buying.


What price you will be paying.


Where you will be flying to.



What price will you be selling at.


That you understand this is a 1.5 minute loan with a 10% interest charge that is due back in 1.5 minutes or else your life will be taken.




Long Term Loans


———————-


Long term loans are loans that last more than one day.They are offered only to people who can show their pedigree and are considered credit worthy.Most people are not approved for these loans. The current interest rate is 20% and the maximum loan amounts are as follows:


Civilian: 350,000


Thug: 350,000


Gangster: 500,000


Goomba: 750,000


Earner: 1,000,000


Wiseguy+: 2,000,000


Higher amounts for any rank and better intrests rates will be considered on a individual basis at my own discression.



Once I respond to your loan request you will be required to give me the following details:


Your father, grandfather, great grandfathers name.


Your family's original famous name.


What you will be using the money for


That you understand this is a loan with a 20% daily interest charge and daily profile update.


if I dont hear from you daily, seeing you might be out of town, I better hear from you AS SOON AS YOU GET BACK.

I'll be expecting the payment for all the days that you missed ASAP.


If I dont get it, yeah, you know the drill, you will be dropped in the East River. I'm a rich bitch and I plan to stay that way.

Before money is sent, you gotta put down in your ID Papers (profile) the following information:

If you owe me cash and at any time you are seen without it, you know the drill, you go swimming.



Currently in debt to Leona's Bank of GiveEmAndBleedEmDry for $(put dollar amount here) as of (put date/time paste here)


Interest paid: (date of last interest paid)


Interest paid: (date of last interest paid)


Interest paid: (date of last interest paid)


Interest paid: (date of last interest paid)


Interest paid: (date of last interest paid)


Example:



Currently in debt to Leona's Bank of GiveEmAndBleedEmDry for $530,000 as of Sep 17, '07 08:20


Interest paid: Sep 18


Interest paid: Sep 19


Interest paid: Sep 20



I'm a mean bitch and I don't like to loose money.

DO NOT SCREW ME OVER.


If you ever miss an interest payment, you will be killed and rewards will be put out on your childrens death until your children pay back the loan.

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Nice copying and pasting of Tad's bank.
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Listen up you punk.


Do you think that PERHAPS I might judge any of your crewleaders loan requests based on how I see his whole organization act in public?


There sure is a reason my associate Tad and I share the same information with the public in similar manners, so next time just hold your horses.

Leona walks away patting her lap dog
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My point is they're the exact same terms, loans, etc.. :\



Sorry if I came off rude, but what's the difference between you two?
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Maybe they are married. They could possibly both be business partners as well. Those could possibly be why terms and loans are the same good sir.
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Poor Tad.


That bitch is a pain the ass.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.


and her owner is also one tough broad!
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Mars,


Thank you for the compliment.


I have been given the dispensation from Mr Tad, who has the monopoly on Lending, to run my own line of credit for the customers in the six cities.


Thus our rates are the same, since we all are part of the same conglomerate.
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Watches all the mafiosos running around with gold watches.. and a few float by in the river


Good luck with your business, I only hope those who are interested realize the seriousness if they get involved. You are now in a strong strong position of power and I wish you the best of luck maam and hope and know business with prosper for you and your associates.

Tips hat in the direction of LeonaHelmsley and smiles
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DEAR Crewleaders.


Kindly inform your thugs to stop practicing their guns in my direction.

I just came back from the Bahamas in a delightful mood, and somehow am willing to forgive (but never forget).


The BANK IS NOW OPEN.
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bump
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For those who might have missed this the first time.
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you've stated the amounts you charge for lending money, what about the ineterest we wopuld receive for paying in money and having an account in the black (not red)
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I am here to make money at your expense.

Not to help you make more :D
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I have heard that many of you are in dire financial need.


I am here to solve that.
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I heard that you slept with God and have a bastard child with him. Instead of spending the millions he pays you in child support on the youngster, you have set up a loan agency. And whilst your baby sits in its own shit and go's hungry, you are off killing people who dont pay up. Is this true?


May I nominate you for Mother of the Year?
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I thought you died...


Shame

Smirks
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