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| Zombie Hunting | Started by: BillyBathtub on Jun 18, '08 00:19 |
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*Billy wandered through the graveyard on what was a dark and drizzly night... Well not so much a drizzle than a mist, as it was a very fine precipitation rather than a solid liquid formation... Solid liquid of course being an oxymoron... But he digressed. It was nights like this that he was also able to escape from the mundane chores that the wifepiece assigned to him daily. "Clean out the cat litter", she would say. "CAT LITTER?! DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO I AM, KENDRA?! WHEN PEOPLE SAY MY NAME THEY ACCENTUATE IT. ALMOST AS IF IT'S... ITALICIZED!", he would reply. Women... Can't live with 'em, can't put masks on them and pretend they're famed mafia Boss, IzzyCreamcheese.* *Tonight he was hunting... Some people had cried foul on others for 'bloodline hunting', but what Billy was doing tonight was no such task. These lines had not been carried down through the holy art of procreation... These were not sons and daughters of their parents... These were zombies. They were buried in Pet Sematary and came back different. Of these were the super-CP zombies that needed to be put down before they infected everyone with a deadly strain of chicken pox and a healthy dose of entitlement. They had just face-blasted TheBloodyNine and Cerasota in a multi-family effort to rid the world of zombie contagion. Billy had almost been bitten by TheBloodyNine, but it was a British zombie and its teeth had fallen out quicker than American zombies, unless of course it was one of the millions of American zombies without insurance, in which case being a British zombie might actually be better for continued oral sustainability. Billy was prone to going off on tangents in his head, and this was probably one of the main reasons he couldn't get fucking Wise Guy even though he's pretty sure he's done the work and his crewleader was holding his promotion like an asshole. Whenever Billy broached the topic of promotions with the boss, Jonnie would cradle him and say, "Shh, let Papa take care of it." It seemed to be ploy to prolong the gap to Wise Guy, but oh to be cradled, worth every miserable day without 20 drug units.* *There was one last zombie to rope in: The deadly AngelicalDeath-zombie. Buried under the false name of tonyscotto, she was delayed in thrusting her arm through her topsoil grave, and thus tough to spot initially. Just several short days prior, Billy finally spotted her breaching the place of eternal rest, and commanded for all around him to open fire. The creature fled to the crypt of Schwarzenegger and hid out for days. Nobody dared approach because it was rumored that entering the crypt would automatically mean you were a loser like its forever occupant. There was no cooties shot powerful enough to rid yourself of being a sissy to that capacity. Many of the hunters had hoped that fire would scare AngelicalDeath-zombie out of hiding like Frankenstein, but this was going to be a pesky undead CP. After several days, Billy dismissed the other hunters and paced around the grave trying to pass time until "tonyscotto" re-emerged. One ambitious Canadian hunter, the late AlexisVonWaffle, cried, "BLOW HER FUCKING FACE OFF!!!" Billy was taken aback because Alexis was like 17, so he replied, "Wow, Alexis, where does a young man get such anger?" Alexis spat on the ground and replied, "They stopped production on this DeGrassi comic book I like until next Autumn." Billy nodded solemnly, he too was a closeted DeGrassi fan, and hated the hiatuses.* *Billy lit up a smoke. He always had to smoke at the graveyard, because if Kendra smelled it on him she wouldn't let him come out and play zombie-hunt anymore. The most satisfying moment of the war had been when TheBloodyNine had looked up at Billy's boss Jonnie, blood pouring out of every embarrassing orifice and sputtered in futility, "This wasn't a real takedown, doesn't count!" Jonnie looked at him, eyes piercing like a majestic eagle, and replied, "Tell me... Does this bullet feel real? No takebacksies." The clap of the gun and the limp body, would in fact, indicate it was. Okay Jonnie didn't actually say that, but if he had it would've been the greatest finishing line ever.* *So there old Billy was, watching the crypt. Soon others would arrive. They would all come to bear witness to the slaughter of stupid AngelicalDeath-zombie. There would be nowhere else for the creature to turn, and it would have to come out and face the music. The CP reign would officially close and a new chapter to open. It would be a pretty awesome chapter filled with dragons, Excalibur, and the promise of not having to ask half the population for a reference into being Made Man. He wondered, in the dwindling hours of night, whether after all that torment and work, anyone had ever thought the final mighty CP to fall would be thought of as one last loose end? He'd leave the search for answers up to philosophers, Billy scratched his baby-grapes, belched, and kept vigilant watch, for soon it would be over.* |
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On the other hand... JackBauer likes to prance around with his penis between his legs singing "I'm a little tea pot" |
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| Reply by: Sao at Jun 18, '08 00:27 | |
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| I won't tell kendra we were playing zombie hunt if you don't tell a certain member of CP i took her last twinkie | |
| Reply by: Jonnie_Reese at Jun 18, '08 00:27 | |
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Zombie hunting? Are we in Racoon City now? |
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| Reply by: Phantom_Ghost at Jun 18, '08 01:41 | |
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Does this mean that it is over? All the zombies have been taken care of? Can we finally move on now? |
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| Reply by: GreenAgent at Jun 18, '08 07:01 | |
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| Damn zombie scum. Talking of which, i can't wait till RE5 comes out! | |
| Reply by: Hitman908 at Jun 18, '08 08:02 | |
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Stumbles through, wearing an "I fucked Tessa Campanelli" t-shirt, and holding his gun shakily in one hand and a bottle of bourbon in the other. I hear ya, man. I've been huntin' these goddamn pink elephants for a week. Takes a swill of booze. They keep coming BACK. |
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| Reply by: Madhouse at Jun 18, '08 10:19 | |
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I just did a sex wee. Ghost stories always do that to me! |
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| Reply by: Foamy at Jun 19, '08 22:34 | |
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