last time I checked fruit doesn't taste bad. Neither do raw veggies with a small portion of ranch.

Brother, don't just try and replace nasty sweet garbage with 'healthy' versions of it. It'll never compare and it'll just give you cravings. Learn to love a good apple. Dip celery or baby carrots in hummus or fresh guacamole. Stuff like peanutbutter (organic, not the sugar-loaded brands) and mixed nuts (like trail mix, keep the raisins, lose the chocolate) is good because protein is healthy and will satisfy your appetite quickly as long as you moderate yourself. Good luck, you're doing the right thing taking care of your health! 

Try intermittent fasting. Eventually you want to snack as much and meals will be enough.  

I absolutely love raw veggies dipped in hummus. Carrots, bell peppers, cucumber, broccoli, and lettuce all viable options. 

Opt for the fruit based versions of sodas cos they’re probably the healthier alternative; Orangeade, Lemonade, strawberry milkshakes - even Cherry Coke instead of regular Coke.

Steamed foods are supposed to be better for you too, and technically deep frying shit is a method of steaming, so basically anything deep fried is healthier than broiling. Lard is good food lube if you’re pan frying anything.

Popcorn is like 95% air, so if you’re feeling snacky, buttered, salted popcorn makes you feel like you’ve eaten something when you haven’t really. I’d suggest avoiding dark chocolate cos it doesn’t taste nice. Milk chocolate is tastier. Deep fried Mars Bars are said to be pretty delicious, and the bonus is - they’re deep fried, so basically steamed goodness in a tempura blanket.

Colourful foods, like colourful animals, are basically warning you to stay away, so do that. Carrots, apples, grapes, melons, tomatoes… all natures warning colours (reds, yellows, oranges). Those things would probably bite or sting you if they were animals. Don’t give them the chance. Treat them with the caution they deserve. Beige foods are always the safest. Nobody gets stung by a beige animal. Same principle.

If you have a piece of cake, make sure you finish the entire cake. Remove the temptation from your pantry.

Potato chips are just steamed potatoes, and I’ve never seen an obese Irish person. Except my neighbor, but he eats celery too, so take from that what you will.

If you need any more advice, just gimmie a shout - I’ll be on the couch watching tv with a couple of burgers and a pizza.