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| The Mafia Tribune - Jun. 20 '08 | Started by: Mary_Livermore on Jun 20, '08 21:40 |
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War with CP and Project Mayhem By JBella June 7th. A day that should not have happened in the minds of some. And in the minds of others, a day that was long coming. But many, if not all, will agree that the day will be one of the most controversial days ever to hit La Cosa Nostra. On June 7th, 1:08 am, Jonnie_Reese killed Numbers4Glory, a Philly crime boss, in his sleep. This was the first of many deaths, one that spelled the end of several families: Sindicato dei Numeri (and The Sexy Numbers) and Resurrectio Da Vita, along with The Eighth Deadly Sin, and L'Esercito Degli Scatti. There were approximately 121 people that were killed in this take down, which can be speculated as being one of the highest body counts our society has seen thus far. Originally the number was thought to be closer to 300, but then upon closer investigation police determined the deaths to be either self-inflicted or due to inactivity. Mr_47, representing the 47 Enterprises in Chicago, made a statement regarding the war. "Animal and I, as the ranking crewleaders, have decided that, in the interest of preventing further bloodshed, we are recognizing the crew of Jonnie Reese in New York. He is now officially authorized and no longer a rogue. There are those of you who will undoubtedly be upset. However, keep in mind that Mr. Reese fought his way to his current position, and, in our opinion, has earned his headquarters." He also requested that those who set up shop in his city without permission leave as soon as possible. A day and a half after the first shot was fired, Jonnie Reese went to the streets and spoke about the current policies regarding the 6 cities. 1. The Made Man reference system implemented by the former regime is now abolished. 2. Leaders will now be responsible for what goes on in their cities (e.g. promotion to Made Man, city auths, etc) 3. The 48-hour rule regarding shooting new people who have just gotten off the boat is still in effect. 4. Disrespect = Death Mr. Reese ended the speech with saying that he and his family were "...fully prepared to work alongside all of the other leaders and bring back a striving society and move on from this bloodshed. We hope to achieve great things for ourselves and our world." I had a chance to speak with the leader of Project Mayhem, Jonnie_Reese. When asked about who were the members of this group, Mr. Reese replied: Jonnie: The members? Apathy, Pantuseus, BillyBathtub and myself were the original members. When asked about other members, he mentioned Animal, AnthonyGreen, ChrisPaul, TheLoveDoctor, and members of the United Nations among those who helped Project Mayhem in their takedown. Pickhead, Niccolo and I contacted several people for a chance to interview with the Tribune regarding this subject, namely the people mentioned above (or their direct descendants). The following is the result of a collection of interviews done with the members of Project Mayhem, and those who helped them. 1. Why did you feel that it was necessary to take down the old regime? Jonnie: I felt it necessary because a lot of my old friends were upset with the way things were being run. Some of them even quit our lifestyle due to the fact they knew their children would be killed for little or no reason. I grew up in the old days and I wanted to make an attempt to bring it back to how things were run before. Animal: We didn't like the way CP were handling things. K-Dawg: Personally, the last straw came for me when RedBull was shot because his great great great great grandfather was UncleNicky. As if that wasn't bad enough, they shot Charlie Baltimore because he knew of this ancestry and kept it from them. Pants (relative of Pantuseus): Day in and day out, I hear a lot of things. Some of the things I heard most often was people hated being hunted for something their ancestors did, and no one liked the MadeMan referal system. For Pantuseus personally, he just felt it was time for a change. TheLoveDoctor: Well I was not involved in the initial plan to take out the current rime, but there were a lot of things about the leaders, at the time, that I did not agree with or disliked that influenced my decision greatly when it came to deciding who I wished to help out when the time for action came. Deano (son of Apathy): 1. That's easy, the CP were killing society as a whole. Everyone was either leaving or hiding. After Cab_Tufting died, Apathy saw that he had no chance in hell at going anywhere or doing anything freely. There would always be big brother watching him. AngelicalDeath stuck up for Apathy many times and kept him from swimming with the fishes; she would say that she always had Apathy's back and protected him from harm, but what did Apathy do to warrant such judgment? I dunno...maybe it was some genetic disorder that our ancestors had. The thing is, Apathy was dying a slow death and so were all his friends. That and he was sick of people asking about earnings, donations and shot records when those who really mattered were asking about family and health. Stuff that really matters. He was in the top structure of the CP for a long time and he saw a lot of bad shit happen to good people for no reason. Mind you he was not trusted enough to REALLY be upper structure with all CP. So any surprise betrayal by Apathy is just cheap makeup used by the fallen. 2. How long did it take you to plan something like that, especially because of the way the field looked at that time? Jonnie: It took about a month of planning. There was the job of getting people I could trust, that also had good guns. There were a lot of schemes and plotting that took place. Lot of spying and inside information. It was harder for myself because I had to be incog and face the task of training my gun and getting Made Man without people noticing. Deano: Well the Project Mayhem plan took around a month or more I guess. Apathy was planning shit for 3 months prior to attack; however, this was the first chance he had at actually getting to put shit into action. Animal: A few weeks. Pants: It took quite a while. I don't have an exact time frame, but most of the planning was done by Jonnie. In the beginning they weren't really sure how it would pan out. But as the planning moved forward, the more confident they became that they could actually accomplish something. It was his baby from the get-go. Pantuseus just kind of tagged along for the ride, and gave his support and advice. There were quite a few snags along the way (snags I'm not going to get into), but it all worked out. K-Dawg: Well, I can't really comment on that. We at the UN weren't gonna be moving for another few weeks but when Jonnie started we knew it was the right decision to join in and help out. TLD: Well as I have already explained I wasn't involved in planning, I first heard about what was going on when I was woken in my sleep by a friend; I heard that two dons had been taken out including my own boss. Lots of people had decided to move into their own HQ's and it was nothing short or chaos. I made a decision to join them and move into a place of my own over in Chicago, unfortunately I was needed on urgent business out of the country but I had already made my decision and had my plan in mind I set my plan into action making sure my HQ would not be burned down or me killed whilst away on business knowing what would be waiting for me when I returned. 3. Were you expecting the outcome that you got from the war? Jonnie: I definitely did not think I'd last that long, and especially to be authed. I figured we would make a pretty large dent against the CP and then die, from CP or a rogue. The fact that I am authed with one of the largest crews on the game I believe speaks for itself. Note: Jonnie_Resse had 50 members in his family at the time of the interview. Deano: Nope, not at all. Apathy figured that Jonnie would shoot and miss or WB and die and he could slide into the shadows unnoticed ready to plan for another day. We had a dream and that was it. Pants: As I said, in the beginning of the planning stages, they were nervous. But things calmed down and fell into place once they got going. Pantuseus had no idea it would turn out the way it did, but they felt they could cause some real damage, and perhaps get some heads to turn. Animal: Yes! K-Dawg: Of course, wouldn't get myself into a war I cant win. TLD: Yes when I had heard that two Dons and other high ranking members of society had already been killed along with the plan which I had formed and put into action when I returned from my business I didn't expect anything other than the final outcome, the resistance lasted longer than I actually expected but I never doubted what the end result would be. 4. How do you feel when people tell you it was all a farce; you didn't deserve your victory due to the disruption of natural order in our world? Jonnie: Hmm, I win. Deano: We don't deserve what? Glory, fame? We never sought any. We did this for others not ourselves. Animal: I would like them to rank up and do what we did and then see what they say when they are told they don't deserve what they got. TLD: I prefer to look to the future rather than the past. What has happened is done and has been talked about plenty with enough shouting to last a lifetime I prefer to move on and look forwards. K-Dawg: Well theres a word I use for situations like that. A word taught to me by my wee granny in Ireland years and years ago. FUCKEM! Pants: In one ear and out the other. There was a serious malfunction, one no one could have predicted happening. And it completely turned this thing of ours upside down. The Gods did what they could in order to try and make things right. But no matter what they did, there will always be someone that wasn't happy with it. My bloodline has seen many things happen during their stay here, and have grown to just go with the flow. 5. What is your take on being compared to CP in terms of your actions? Animal: Let them talk... CP had the floor for months... give us that same time and then judge. K-Dawg: I think that's laughable. Pants: When there is a controling faction, there is always going to be someone or something that compares you to the faction that they just replaced. It's just the way it works around here. I don't remember who said it, but it fits. You can't scramble an egg without cracking a few shells. TLD: I don't think you can possibly compare the two, different people, different ideas and different ways of working. Jonnie: Hopefully the naysayers who believe this will see the light once things have calmed down. Deano: We have been in power a week, and people have come out and said that we are pure evil and no better than the CP that we took out. Every take down or transfer of power takes some time and in that time elimination of ALL THREATS AND ENEMIES is a must and commonplace in our society. These are words that have been said by everyone who has led in the past. Librizzi, Amber, CP, UN, you name it. It is needed at first to maintain control so growth can take over. People just need to have some patience, and I can guarantee that if you die from now on, you fucking deserve it. Some have even went as far as saying we are all paranoid and trigger happy. I was in the CP and was a high ranked member in the CP founder's crew. The paranoia and distrust of society was at a point I have never seen before, to the point of being ridiculous in my opinion. And lastly all those INNOCENTS that are sad because they died? Here is some more heavily used sayings. You were ranked and in a war or takedown, all the ranked members get taken out. Good people die in situations like this; it just seems to happen. If you were not ranked and died, well usually it is the vultures that pick off the homeless. If you had died in the initial CP takedown and then you died as a result of the resurrection well...If you were taken out the first time there was a reason, we are not gonna give you a second chance. And to stretch that one a tad farther, if you died a third, fourth or fifth time, there was a reason for it. You have to ask yourself...what was I doing, who was I with and what did I say and to who? These should clear up why you died. CP had 4 months; we have had a week. All I can say is give it some time. 6. Why do you think people say that Project Mayhem, namely Jonnie Resse, controls all of the leaders now despite statements from leaders that show otherwise? Jonnie: I don't make any decisions for anyone. I run New York; the other city heads do their own things. The only thing I have control of is New York. Deano: He doesn't control anyone; he is being very diplomatic, or trying to be actually. But everyone figures he is the same blood lusting serial killer his great-great-granddaddy was. He is trying to do what's right and good, but people keep pushing him, trying to get him to resort to his bloodline's old ways. It ain't gonna happen; he has too many counting on him to stay the course. Animal: He doesn't... not even close. He is probably the most adamant about families controlling their own thing, not a collective voice. Pants: It doesn't matter how many CL's there are. There is always going to be a "Top Dog". And that "Top Dog" is going to always be known as the controlling force behind everything. Doesn't matter what he/she does to change that...they will always be seen as the Puppet Master. K-Dawg: You need to bring that up with the people saying it, I'm not a mind reader. TLD: I think people don't have a clue what they are talking about, hearsay and rumors get thrown around and people latch on to them. My position with Jonnie Reese is a simple one; He runs his family over in New York I run mine in L.A. He does not bother me with my affairs nor do I bother in his. If I hear of something that concerns him I would let him know, just the same as I would expect him to let me know if he found out something that could concern me, but I would expect this from any of the leaders and is nothing personal with Jonnie. We will work together and make decisions together - with the other leaders - on matters that affect this world other than that I have witnessed nothing to suggest Jonnie controls anything other than his own family and of course is working together with Animal with project shadow. 7. What are Project Mayhem's plans for the future? Jonnie: The plans for the future are to make this place better for the overall good of the community. We are here for the people. The people give us our power; without them we are nothing. That's where CP went wrong. Deano: Growth, and having each city deal with its own issues and policies without worrying about what others think. They deal with their own shit, and if a global issue comes up then the leaders meet and discuss the problem like the old days. We wanna see people be able to show their worth and let their skills and talents be on display without fear of getting killed, demoted or not ranked for it. We want people to feel they can do as they wish and be themselves. *disclaimer* within reason that is...if one's talent is running amuck taking potshots they will be dealt with accordingly. We want positive things. Pants: I think thats better left for Jonnie to answer. He's the Top Dog. I leave that in his capable hands. 8. Last, but not least, since some people considered CP to be tyrants, do you believe in the notion that only a tyrant can replace another tyrant? Jonnie: Jonnie_Reese did this, Jonnie_Reese did that. Jonnie_Reese hit me with a wiffle ball bat. Animal: I believe if they want a tyrant I can give them one... but I am sure that isn't what they want. K-Dawg: Not at all, I think the common man in the face of tyranny will always rebel. Pants: To oust a tyrant, you must become one yourself in order to get things the way you think they should be....even if only for a short time. What happens after that...well...that's anyones guess. TLD: Not at all, the leaders of the past led things there own way we are a new set of leaders each with our own ways of running things and looking to make this world a better place. What that will entail who knows we all have our own plans and ideas for our cities and we will see in time what happens. Deano: Ahhh... the age old saying rises again. I think FlyingPig would say, "Go fuck yourself" right about here, but he ain't around. I have seen this question many times in my time. What is a tyrant? That description is so vague right now for most. And it is from being beaten down and forced to remain silent, that they don't know any better. How do you describe a tyrant? The CP iron fisted the fuck outta society for a long time. We are trying to eliminate the threat so we can move forward...unlike tyrants we wanna worry about everyone else and put our personal achievements on the back burner where it belongs. Note: Definition of tyrant: A tyrant is a single ruler holding vast, if not absolute power through a state or in an organization. The term carries modern connotations of a harsh and cruel ruler who places his or her own interests or the interests of a small oligarchy over the best interests of the general population, which the tyrant governs or controls. However, in the classical sense, the word simply means one who has taken power by their own means as opposed to hereditary or constitutional power (and generally without the modern connotations). This mode of rule is referred to as tyranny. Many individual rulers or government officials are accused of tyranny, with the label almost always a matter of controversy. Chicago News Reporter: Amanda Huginkis A week that started out as one of celebration ended in one of pain and despair for the former faction known as 47 Enterprises. On June 9th Mr_47, the head of the Chicago Mob Syndicate, widely known for his self-printed newspaper The Mafia Weekly and for his jovial and entertaining disposition, had the privilege to announce to the public that he had picked a long awaited Captain for his city. Dirty_Henry_Jung, a Capo from 47's crew, took the reigns to his own (smaller) private headquarters and transitioned into his new position amid many a happy Chicago citizen. 'The Research and Development Division of 47 Enterprises' was officially up and running. The joy, it seemed, was not destined to last. Two short days later, on the evening of June 11th, Mr. Jung was out celebrating his birthday with a few close family and friends when it was reported that two unidentified gunmen opened fire on the restaurant where the happy occasion was being held. Mr. Jung and his Right Hand Assistant, Cartman, were caught in a hailstorm of bullets. The assailants fled the scene just moments before the two men were pronounced dead. News of the attack met Mr_47's ears where he made a hasty appearance at his associate's funeral. He was overheard as having briefly said, "Help me out on this one. Why?" A large gathering of patrons at Mr. Jung's funeral all expressed their grief, including one The_Red_Narc, Right Hand of 47 Enterprises, who was caught leaving his condolences over the casket: "Seriously. Dammit man. You worked hard for this. I think the thing that bothers me the most is that it's your birthday." Dirty_Henry_Jung Date of Acceptance into the Mafia: May 5th Date of Death: June 11th A Capo and Captain for 47 Enterprises. Rest in Peace, Dirty. Late in the afternoon of June 13th, Mr_47 was seen in the Streets and not at all his usual perky self. He was seen ranting and raving over the murder of his dear friend Mr. Jung and how the killer, though numerous rumors had littered the Six Cities like a faulty trash pick-up day, had not yet been uncovered. This was the last speech of the man's the public would ever bear witness to. That same evening, less than eight hours later, high ranking members of 47 Enterprises began to drop dead all over America. Shortly thereafter it was made known that the reputed Mob head of Las Vegas, Animal, was responsible for the chaos. He cited reasons for the take down as a variety of occurrences; the straw that broke the camel's back being The_Red_Narc shooting a member of La Casa Ombra. The member in question, a Wise Guy by the name of Breeze, was murdered in revenge for being one of the original two gunmen who killed Mr. Jung and Mr. Cartman just days earlier. Sometime in the wee morning hours Mr_47 and most of his family was killed in a double effort by Animal and his ally Jonnie_Reese, head of Project Mayhem. It was later made known by the New York Mob Boss himself that it was he who gunned down Mr. Jung just days prior. "Yes I killed him," he was heard stating in an official Mafia address. "I was given evidence that he was plotting an attempt on the lives of my family and myself." A small gathering at 47's funeral all expressed their condolences for what was known to be a brilliant Mafioso. Grief-stricken patrons were overheard as having said "One of the finest newspapers this place has seen in ages. Your intelligence was only surpassed by your creativity. Mighty shame" and "One of the genuinely, truly talented." Mr_47 Date of Acceptance into the Mafia: January 24th Date of Death: June 13th Boss of Chicago. Head of 47 Enterprises. Editor in Chief, "Mafia Weekly". A man who made many a day brighter just by having his presence known within the Six Cities. Rest in peace, 47. In the aftermath of devastation the surviving members of 47 Enterprises made due, either joining other factions or going 'down with the ship' and the streets, at least in this reporter's opinion, have taken on an eerie chill of seriousness without the lighthearted entertainment of a certain Mob Boss. A sit-down with TheLoveDoctor by Niccolo Masi At last, after literally hours of pestering, conning and holding my breath TheLoveDoctor was kind enough to share a drink with me and answer a number of questions our readers have been twittering on about. In our initial meeting I suggested we meet at the Books-To-Go in Long Beach California, but TheLoveDoctor (or TLD as he shall hereafter be referred to) wasn't warm to that idea after, apparently, a "minor difference of opinion" between him and the proprietor of the aforementioned establishment. Instead he opted to be interviewed in his Den at the family estate in Palos Verdes. After a thorough, yet, surprisingly tender security check at the hands of his body guards, we entered his library and commenced with the interview. To start with, a little background: TLD is number 15 of 24 children in a rural and extraordinarily religious polygamist family. This isn't to say his upbringing was any different than the rest of us, IE, football, girls and petty crime, but due to his text-book case of 15th child syndrome, he grew restless and was driven, or rather compelled by his family, to go out and make the world his bitch. After receiving a Bachelors Degree of Theoretical Mathematics from the Goodenough College in Central London, TLD went on to pursue his Doctorate of Love, which he earned upon publishing his dissertation in Jeep Theory (his theory finding that 87% of women who drive Jeeps are hot, rather than the previously accepted 90%). (transcript of interview can be found in "War with CP and Project Mayhem") I think it's fair to say that TheLoveDoctor is nothing if not optimistic. His take on the situation is a positive one and it is evident that he is in a prime position to further his goals and aid in the goals of some of our other prominent families. By no means will it be smooth sailing ahead, for that is the nature of things, but his footing appears solid. Barring any upheavals in our society, a laughable and unlikely scenario, this reporter sees no reason to dismiss TheLoveDoctor as anything less than a competent and viable leader. With the interview wrapped up, we stood and brushed aside the empty beer cans. TheLoveDoctor was kind enough to take me on a tour of the hallway leading away from the Den, the foyer connecting that hallway to the front door, and a spectacular aerial view of the front porch as I was hurled over it to land, ear down, on an exquisitely paved California cement driveway. Niccolo is the former North American Poet Lauriat, High Priest of the Promiscuates in the CVJLDS church and recipient of the Ramnath Goenka Excellence in Journalism award. A Glimpse Into the World of CP By JBella CP. Who would have thought that two letters would cause so much controversy when mentioned? CP was formed approximately two years ago by a group of friends. Eventually, their descendants started their own families, and in the recent past, have maintained a hold in our society. On June 7th, their reign ended with several shots fired at the heads of several families, including Resurrectio Da Vita. When I first contacted a descendant of the late CommodumPerfectus, and asked him was it possible to get a group together to be interviewed, he said, "There are no more members of CP. They aren't around, and if they were, wouldn't be interested." After some convincing, he agreed to meet with me privately to give his views on the events that took place. He only asked that for every question I asked him, he would get to ask one of his own. "This to me is a conversation. If you want something you have to give something back." Note: This interview is not a reflection of CP as a whole, for as my guest pointed out, he only represents 1/10th of the group. And the questions that were asked of me are omitted for lack of relevance to the topic at hand. Since he had brought up the issue of "CP" not being involved in Cosa Nostra, but rather just a coffee shop where people gathered, my first question was, "How do you feel about the fact that even though your ancestors had two successful regimes, people choose to group you and others as being part of "CP"?" S: Well, I don't mind being associated with CP, aside from the fact that CP itself was never [part of Cosa Nostra]. The line between [outside and inside the coffee shops] isn't so much a line but a channel. It flows both ways. I have no reason to hide my allegiances, but I think issues arise when people begin to label the actions of one person as a CP action. "CP did XXXXXXXX". People are always stressing the divide between [the two places], but ignore it at their own lesiure. The label CP was a nice big target to throw darts at. JBella: Regarding people lumping you and others collectively as CP...you didn't think it had anything to do with a group of people who hung out together in a [coffee shop], working together to overthrow the regime at the time, and managing to stay up on top as a reason for people to have a hard time to distinguishing the two entities? S: The only difference is, we gave it a name. The UN had one channel just like us. Anita had one main room where everything was discussed. Just because we have CP at the end of our names, doesn't make what we did any different. JBella: You mean #unitednations? Or something else? S: More like #nicky. JBella: Ah [okay]. S: Where all the decisions would be made. Or #bullhump. Things got a bit sticky when I declined to answer one of the questions that he had asked me, for it had nothing to do with me. But after I stated that I would respect his choice to not answer certain questions, the conversation continued. JBella: So the next thing I wanted to ask you was, how did you perceive the leadership of the people who happened to be part of CP? S: I think that the leadership under the CP regime was good. I mean every regime makes mistakes, not everything runs perfectly. I've made my fair share. The non-CP leaders at the time were largely the best i've worked with in a long time. We saw a lot of 1st time Crewleaders who are prone to making big mistakes. But i think altogether they did fairly well, and were largely good people interested in the userbase. JBella: Any names come into mind when you mention the non CP leaders who worked with you ? S: Felt Alfonzo was a particularily good leader and had it not been for his poor selection of RHM would still be a good leader. _Rhuarc_ is another very hard working crewleader who I worked with, with a genuine heartfelt interest in the improvement of the userbase. We had then sidetracked into a discussion about the gods' decision to bring back the "essence" of certain people to be placed into their offspring. Not being pleased with my response, he abruptly ended the discussion and asked me to proceed with the interview. JBella: Alright then. What do you think was the key to your [ancestors'] success...especially when some had lineages back to back to achieve high ranks? S: Key to [our] success. Long hours, hard work and dedication to the family. [My 2 ancestors] donated over $75mil to their respective families. [They] worked hard to promote activity in business and street areas. And above all, honesty. JBella: Well, my next question is, what do you think [your family line] accomplished? So if there's anything you would like to add besides what you said previously, now would be the time to do so. S: [They] achieved nothing. [They] worked to build a better user base, and they are currently in the hands of people who manipulate women for nudes then spread them around to stay alive. Back stab 3 year long friendships to keep [themselves] alive. Crewleaders who can't speak and don't understand grammar or punctuation, So any efforts [they] made to encourage growth in the user base is fairly voided. S: Ah I did exclude a cheater from the list of current CLs. JBella: Bloodline hunting. People said CP did it; my question a and b are, did you feel [your ancestors did] it, and did you feel other leaders do it? S: [They've] bloodline hunted one person. JBella: What was the justification for it? (this response is intentionally left unaltered; i.e wasn't made IC) S: Zebedee threatened me IRL on IRC and despite numerous complaints to Jaundies staff, no action was taken against this user. So being a CL at the time, I left #divinelunacy and removed them from the game about 3 times. I have been accused of bloodline hunting Asylum. I've killed him 3 times, and each time I had justification to do so. S: I did not see any of the crewleaders beside me bloodline hunt excessively. And by excessively, I mean at all. A few users would sign up, abuse the crewleaders then die and claim bloodline hunting S: (Jer) S: So you can call it what you like I suppose. I've died twice under new regime for who I am. Such is life. JBella: Were you surprised at who was involved in Project Mayhem? (Jonnie, Apathy, Pantuseus, Billy, etc) S: Jonnie, no. Apathy, yes. Pantuseus, no. Billy, no. TheLoveDoctor, yes. Chris-Paul, yes. Riley-Freeman, no. Animal, no. S: Anyone I missed? JBella: AnthonyGreen? S: Nope. JBella: So why are you surprised at Apathy and TLD for being involved, and not the rest? JBella: and Chris S: The rest have pretty much had long standing hatred for CP so it was inevitable that they would change sides if they felt the opposing side would win. TheLoveDoctor was friends with Eyzlee and Belle for years and gave their pro times up to Jonnie. Apathy was a close friend of AngelicalDeath who always supported him and vouched for his integrity, he bought out and shot her. Chris-Paul was a hard working member of my [father's] family who [he] trusted and he betrayed that trust. JBella: So why do you think they were willing to change sides like that? S: Spineless? Most people only care about the protection of their [lives]. They have no perception of concepts like Integrity, Honour or Respect. After the interview, S did ask me a question that, even though it is not related to CP, it related to whether a journalist should always try to get both sides of a story. S: No one from my side of the fight will read it S: So you're representing my opinion to a group of people who won't accept it at all S: So. Why bother? JBella: If I would have let that stopped me (no one will care about certain sides) I wouldn't had done anything at all. S: Ah so basically, this is all for you? And not the userbase. JBella: ... JBella: Um, where did you get that from JBella: You think I like interviewing people and having them call me ignorant and that I'm kissing the current regime's ass? JBella: You think I like asking people for things and they totally blow me off JBella: No it's not for me JBella: I don't like subjecting myself to abuse for kicks. In my time as a reporter, my challenge has always been to get both sides of the story. Why? Because when people read articles that I write, I want them to have a better understanding of the issue at hand, not just another opinion. We have enough people giving their opinions. Until next time, fellow constituents. News from New Orleans A Captain in the Big Easy! By Striphe Earlier today, notorious crime figure K-Dawg was seen handing the keys to a brand new headquarters to a well known criminal in the mafia organization. This Mafioso was later found out to be Callum, the ring leader of crime all across the Midwest and eastern part of the United States. Our sources indicate that Callum will be running a small family under the wing of K-Dawg and will be answering directly to him. The Boss of New Orleans, K-Dawg was heard saying "He FULLY deserves this opportunity and I have every confidence that he will make the best of it.". Only time will tell how this criminal organization does, but Callum has the backing of one of the most respected Mafioso on our shores today. The United Nations in New Orleans By: Striphe Family, Respect and Honour: All equally important aspects of a successful criminal organization in our world. Recently the United Nations have regained power in our fine cities, more noticeably New Orleans. Some of you may remember the infamous crime figure "Uncle Nicky" and the era of our criminal world for which the United Nations controlled all business operations and criminal activity. Rumor on the street says that K-Dawg and his family are in the process of building their organization and are in the process of renovating New Orleans back to the city of never ending parties that it used to be and bringing back the United Nations to restore something that our world has lost: Family, Respect and Honour. Disrespect at funerals ends up deadly consequences! By:Striphe Recently, the local funeral homes have had increased business based on Mafioso's showing disrespect at a funeral for a fallen Mafioso. Violence in our fine cities has been very high lately, and the funeral homes just don't know if they can handle the increase in business! New Orleans Crime Boss K-Dawg was heard saying, "That's the place where his friends and family say their final farewell to their fallen comrade and to disrespect that is the lowest of the lowest of the lowest." It's simple to understand. If you understand the concepts of the mafia, you should respect the dead, no matter what they did while they were alive. More News From New Orleans by Pickhead What's happening in the Big Easy? I'm here to tell you. Don't like my writing style? Blame it on US public schools. Return of the United Nations The UN, love it or hate it, is back and here to stay. In case you are not a history major and are wondering what exactly the UN is, K-Dawg is more than willing to explain. "The UN was originated when UncleNicky killed the dreaded MrEvilman and set up in power himself. The family he had around him at the time have remained loyal and trusted to each other." And on June 8 Animal cut the big red ribbon to make it official that they have officially returned. It seemed as if most people at the official ceremony were rather happy to see the UN. "This is a step in the right direction...yea yea; we'll toot our own horn for a while. But with out a doubt there will be some different things happening and I hope the community embraces it." said PR_Rep. K-Dawg seems optimistic about the UN's future. "As for the organization itself, yes its here to stay." Which leaves only one question? What is the future of the mafia? Will it excel or fall flat on its face with the reemergence of the UN? Only time will tell. Chaos in the Funeral Parlor With war comes death. With death comes..... insults? Not the way things are supposed to happen but a recent onslaught of rude funeral insults has made it the norm. And people have had enough of it. "There is one unwritten law that is part and parcel of our way of life. It's the one law that separates the low life scumbags from the men of honor we all try to be. Disrespecting someone's funeral will meet you with a bullet time and time again regardless of rank or position within our community. I find it absolutely disgusting that when someone dies the first lesson they leave to their children is to go and disrespect another man's funeral." While everyone within the mafia seems to agree that disrespect at funerals should result in a person being fitted for cement shoes, some wonder if it will ever really be enforced. Will a boss kill one of his own men for a comment at a funeral, especially when he disrespects someone from a rival family? Will disrespect ever stop? When asked, Animal simply stated "No." We shall see. (Editor's Note: There will be further updates regarding the war in the next edition.) The Made Man Reference System: My Thoughts By Fuckerish So how did all this start? It wasn't a CP thing to start with, you know. A God by the name of Squishy appeared in the streets one day and mentioned a vouching system for people to get their buttons. It was a good idea, and could have been used by each family head in a positive way. After all, we're in the Mafia and in order to become a Made Man you usually have a "Godfather", the one who took you in and showed you the ropes, who would eventually be the one to vouch for you to become a Made Man within a family and also be present at your ceremony and sometimes even conduct it. If done correctly, it would have been great for La Cosa Nostra as a whole, if each family head was their own boss that is. What CP did was to twist the policy to suit their own purposes as a group and not family heads; a means of taking out any possible "threats" even though they themselves were the ones who were forcing people to vouch for one another in order to get Made. What's worse is that it didn't matter who vouched for a certain Mafiosi, it could be anyone from a different family than the one who needed a reference. That alone makes you wonder what LCN had come to, or at least it should have, when three complete strangers could vouch for a Wise Guy to get Made within a family they're not even part of. When you have leaders saying "Hey, I need your three references" just because your button is there, and it wouldn't matter who vouched for you as long as they were Earner and above and at least one Made Man out of three people. Your leader didn't even have to know said Mafiosi who were vouching for you, and your leader didn't even have to trust you in order to promote you to Made Man. But then again, the reference system was never about trust was it? Sometimes I wonder how people couldn't see a problem with it - where is the honor in that? How did it turn into a "free for all"? The sole reason to why the reference system was put in place, was so it could be used as a Intel gathering system, a Gestapo-like system. This was in order for them to see who was friends with who and who was vouching for who, and if need be, interrogate whoever they wanted because of this system that now showed them the ties between a few people. And when one Made Man fucked up, those who vouched for said Made Man suffered regardless of their hard work and loyalty to their families. But that's what CP wanted anyway, more people to shoot no matter how much work they put in for their families, no matter how much time they spent helping CP grow stronger and richer. If you call that being part of a family or even La Cosa Nostra, I think you're in the wrong business, it was practically borderline slavery. Used to milk you of all you hard earned cash, and then fitted in cement shoes when you were no longer needed, or when someone you believed would make a good Man of Honor fucked up. Back in the days, it was usually the upper structure that decided who got their button. Hard work and dedication from family members and their activity got them noticed, and when the day came where their leader and the heads of the family thought of them as loyal and dedicated Mafiosi within their organization, they would call them in for a meeting and conduct the ceremony with all of the upper structure and Men of Honor from the family present. This was where their loyalty was reborn so to speak, this was where they would be shown the ways of Cosa Nostra (notice how I didn't say "La" before C.N which means I'm talking about the Sicilian ways, not American) and told the rules of the secret society, and become men and women of honor, the feeling when you go through such a ceremony (if conducted properly) would be far more greater than any other feeling you ever had. A great leader would raise his or her members as if they were raising their own children, as images of themselves, and if raised well they would grow to become the most loyal and obedient Mafiosi you ever saw, and with the Made Man ceremony to seal the deal, you would make them feel immortalized and part of something far greater than themselves, Famiglia. Trust, loyalty, honor and respect, all achieved. If you ask me, a reference system was never really needed. However, if used properly the way it should have been by each family head within their own families it could have become a great addition to our way of life. But when twisted and used in favor of the few, to suppress the many.... Goodbye, La Cosa Nostra. "Where Friendship Ends, Family Begins." V. Luciano Mallory Advisory's Take it or Leave It By: Staff Editor Dear Mal Advisory, I'm having problems with my love life. I've been chasing after this girl, but she keeps rejecting my advances. I pour my heart out to her and she just looks at me with this blank, listless stare. I try to tell her that she's special, but she's so cold to me. How can I make her heart beat just for me? Sincerely, Dying for Love Dear Dying, Its easier to get a girl's heart to race for you, if she first has a pulse. I think its time to say goodbye. For good. Sincerely, Mal Advisory ———————————- Dear Mal Advisory, I am so worried, please help me to know what to do. I have a grown son who spends his life ordering people around and shooting people. He is into drugs, truck hijacking and (sob) I think has even taken his elderly neighbors purse before. Now he has met up with this woman who I love like a daughter but she is starting the same path as he has been on. Now, they are going to have a baby! What can I do to be sure my grandbaby acts more human than animal? Signed, Worried in Las Vegas Dear Worried, Does Baby Gap sell fedoras? Rattle silencers? Sometimes you've gotta accept that the nut doesn't fall too far from the tree. Sincerely, Mal Advisory ———————————- Do you have burning questions about your life and need answers? Submit your letters to Mallory Advisory today. Contact the editor for details! The Battle for Philadelphia By RonMexico The Pennsylvanian political scene erupted recently, when a businessman by the name of Tyrant(deceased) announced his bid for the mayoral office of the city Philadelphia. With a campaign running somewhere along the lines of "Hey, I'm rich", he was off to a strong start, taking an early lead in the polls against no one in particular. He was running unopposed - but not for long. By all accounts an underdog, especially seeing as he was from the opposite end of the country, Valiant_Luciano was not one to stand by and watch democracy be lowered to a mere formality. He entered himself onto the ticket, thus giving rise to the Fuckerish party. The race was on. Now, I've never been the kind of guy to sit back and watch the action - especially that which is political in nature - from the sidelines. I was on the phone immediately, making arrangement, setting dates. On the train to Philly I subjected myself to rigorous preparation with the aid of my extensive notes and a bottle of 12 year old single malt. My arrival in Philadelphia that day was like slipping - no, being shot - down the rabbit hole. One after another, shady individuals came to my motel room. Some exhibiting their latest wares for a reasonable price, and some looking for a few to take home. It didn't take long before I had breached the surface and implanted myself into the seedy underground network that runs deep within the city. Pimps, dealers, thugs, and politicians. For days, I followed the twisting web - one contact to the next and back again, until finally I neared what I came for. A few more garbled phone calls and secretive meetings silhouetted in the moonlight, and it was set. The only debate between candidates to be held unsanctioned, and completely off the record. Valiant_Luciano and Tyrant(deceased) face-to-face. In private. What follows is an audio recording of the meeting, transcribed verbatim: [Recording starts] RM: ...and, uh... shit. VL: Sure you know how to work that thing? RM: Of course not. T(d): ... RM: Right, well let's just get on with it. Mr. Luciano... What would you say has been the liveliest part of the campaign? VL: I think it must have been when the old ladies pinched my cheeks and my bodyguards had to save me. Oh, and of course the two shots that have been fired at me during this election. RM: Mr. Tyrant, same question. T(d): ... RM: Uh-huh. Interesting. So, Mr. Tyrant, it looks as though Mr. Luciano is burying you in the polls. What would you say accounts for that? T(d): ... RM: Right. Mr. Luciano? VL: I believe it's my young age and good looks, Tyrant is such an old man and just plain boring really...I have a long life ahead of me, and probably a lot that I can achieve during that time, so peoples hopes sprung to life when a younger opponent arose from the masses. RM: Now, your supporters, especially, Mr. Luciano, have been very vocal about Mr. Tyrant, saying that if he were elected, he would quote - 'stink up the office'. Your thoughts on that? VL: Think he's been swimming at the docks to be honest, he should know it's polluted. No shower, soap nor shampoo will ever get that smell out. RM: Mr. Tyrant, your rebuttal? T(d): ... RM: ...useless. Er, uh... Anything you'd like to say before I go, Mr. Luciano - and only Mr. Luciano? VL: Well, I would like to thank those who voted for Fuckerish, and making a long time dream come true—if I do win. I love you all, be you old and ugly — not you Tyrant, I hate you....I kid I kid! — or young and beautiful. If I am elected to Mayor of Philly, the new slogan will be "I am Philadelphian, for we are Immortal." Live long and prosper my minions. [Recording ends] RonMexico is a truthseeker, mutineer, and all around dubious creature who roams the night with a bottle in hand, searching for women, song, and the occasional lead. Vegas sees the Light By Dumont The Mafia community saw the introduction of number of Crew Leaders and Captains last week, which began with the naming of leadfoot as Animal's Captain. This division of La Casa Ombra, which leadfoot named leadfoot Light Industries (LLI) preceded the recovery of this community from the devastation and mass murder that had ensued shortly before. This decision was greeted with enthusiasm, as leadfoot and his ancestors have had a long stretch on the Mafia scene and he has many friendships, supporters and acquaintances in the Mafia community. leadfoot, with his new division of Animal's crew, stated his first intention was to "get as drunk as skunks", and make a short speech announcing himself to the world for those few that didn't know who he was, after his hangover had eased off. Evidently the hangover is taking longer to wear off than he anticipated, or he is still celebrating with a large consumption of alcohol, as no speech has yet been made by the Captain of Vegas. The Tribune would like to wish him good luck with his future endeavours, and hope he and Alessia, as his Right Hand Woman, lead a prosperous crew under Animal. leadfoot has decided to step down from his post as of print time. Updates will appear in the next edition. It's A Hard McCock Life: The Trevers Chronicles By: Staff Editor June 20th, Are you there God? It's me, Trevers. Sometimes I feel like you're not listening to me... I hope you are. I really need you now. I learned in school that I'd be going through these changes... hair in new places, cracking voice, funny feelings. I didn't realize it would be this rough. Its affecting my job. I mean how am I supposed to stick up a 7-11 when everyone laughs at my own stick up? Its hard. The job I mean. Not my... Never mind. Sigh. My voice is really bad. When I get excited, I start sounding like a girl. I don't think I can handle the cracking, or Birday hitting on me in the coffee shops anymore. Its so depressing. Do you think you could speed this up for me? I'm running out of bed linens and its two weeks til laundry day. The other kids are teasing me. Singing songs and what not. I put on a tough face. Sticks and stones you know. But my pillow is stained with the tears of unfathomable sadness. Why am I so awkward? But I'm not blaming you. I just need your help. Thank you for all the good things in my life. I do appreciate them. I just focus on the bad a little more often than I should. And thank you for salsa. I owe you one. Letter From the Editor: I must first apologize for the lack of activity from the print house of The Tribune. I know, no excuses and I will not make any. On the topic of the money donated to me. It will be used as a fund for literary contests held in the future as there were not enough submissions for an edition during the time Numbers4Glory was still alive. Now, I must thank you, our readers.. For giving us a reason to come back to the Streets with your news. We will be working as a team in an effort to inform and entertain on a weekly basis. If we have enough submissions we will produce a bi-weekly paper instead. Thank you to the people that worked their fingers to the bone to make this edition possible. You are all awesome and I appreciate every word you put into this edition. Keep up the good work guys! If you are interested in helping out with the paper please feel free to contact me via Mob Mail. I look forward to hearing from you! With Respects, Mary |
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Traviata takes her issue and reads it thoroughly, twice, a large smile forming at her lips. Bra-fucking-vo, Mary. Fine piece of work you've got here and an absolute pleasure to read. Do keep it up, its wonderful to see the return of a grand newspaper to our shores. |
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| Reply by: Traviata at Jun 20, '08 21:45 | |
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yes it may have been a while but they do say that paitence is a virtue and so it was true, this was a fantastic read. I think it has been proved - to me at least - that the tribune is THE place for the news around these streets and long may it continue. well done to all involved I look forward to the next issue. |
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| Reply by: TheLoveDoctor at Jun 20, '08 21:55 | |
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That RonMexico is quite the smart fellow, I must say. A true American hero. And good looking, too. ...And the rest of the paper wasn't terrible, I suppose. |
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| Reply by: Madhouse at Jun 20, '08 22:05 | |
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Rubs his eyes!! The tribune is Back! Excellent read! |
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| Reply by: Mahoney at Jun 20, '08 22:31 | |
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Excellent job to everyone involved. That Fuckerish dude is sexeh. Yup.... |
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| Reply by: Valiant_Luciano at Jun 20, '08 23:07 | |
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| My favorite part is where it talked about my family line. Even if it still ended up with my grandfather dead. | |
| Reply by: Senility at Jun 20, '08 23:23 | |
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| That pickhead guy seemed like a genius. The next Dickens? Not a chance. Great job everyone. | |
| Reply by: PikePole at Jun 21, '08 02:03 | |
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| Great job, guys. Awesome to see the Tribune back. | |
| Reply by: Imagine at Jun 21, '08 04:29 | |
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Great job. For someone who is not a regular in the coffee shops, having a paper to read is a big help in terms of keeping up with the latest happenings in our world. |
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| Reply by: GreenAgent at Jun 21, '08 12:04 | |
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Fantastic job to everyone who contributed to the paper. Looking forward to issue 2. |
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| Reply by: Vic_Mackey at Jun 21, '08 12:07 | |
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"TheLoveDoctor was friends with Eyzlee and Belle for years and gave their pro times up to Jonnie." Classy. |
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| Reply by: Imagine at Jun 21, '08 12:20 | |
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Now I have to admit usualy I can tend to not read threads as long as this but all the way threw it kept me entertained to get to the end. I have to say a great job done here and I loved the interviews with the leaders since its always great to know what someones thinking and there opinions on current matters. great job to everyone invovled. |
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| Reply by: TrappedWind at Jun 21, '08 13:50 | |
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| Thank you to all of you for taking the time to do this. You've done well. | |
| Reply by: Penance at Jun 21, '08 14:05 | |
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That was a long read but totally worth it! Thank you so much! Well done everyone that was involved. I appreciate it. |
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| Reply by: Parker at Jun 21, '08 14:38 | |
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| Very well done- nice work | |
| Reply by: KeatsValjean at Jun 21, '08 16:59 | |
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Nice to see the paper back on our streets. Well done. |
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| Reply by: Argon at Jun 22, '08 18:16 | |
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| Great job whens the next one comming out | |
| Reply by: RileyFreeman at Jun 22, '08 18:22 | |
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| Amusing read, keep up the good work | |
| Reply by: VinDiktive at Jun 22, '08 21:31 | |
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| It will probably come out when we write it Riley :p | |
| Reply by: Dumont at Jun 23, '08 05:20 | |
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