Yes, it's me.  Kuku.  The butt of your jokes.  The recipient of your violence.  The much maligned man for whom YOU reserve your most bitter spite and cynicism.

You'll listen to my speeches of course, particularly if they're directed against an enemy of yours.  Heck, you probably sent me the information I used to make that speech.  But, like a bather in a royal household used as a receptacle for monarchical lust, I am used and then ignored, left metaphorically in a dank outbuilding wishing that those in high society didn't reject me in public yet covet me in private.

Am I complaining about this relentless case of double standards?  No, I am not.  For it is widely known that my own behaviour has not always been good.  Far from it.  But my lineage has been noted for many things.  In recent years, that is having the life expectancy of the humble bumble bee in bleak mid-winter, but my lineage is proof, is it not that men can and do change.  

LET'S TAKE A MOMENT TO SAY HELLO TO FRANKCASTIGLIA

Not even my critics, neither of them, would deny that I come from a lineage of generosity, of spirit among many other things, and that I rarely have an unpleasant word to say about or to anyone.

And, yet, I stand here a pauper.  Broke.  Unable to make money, because no crew will take me in, unable to employ agents who could make money for me, because of the merciless nature of my persecution.

So, leaving what is left of my dignity at a hot-dog stand and moseying on down here to talk to you, and extend my cap in my hand and earnestly ask for some money.  I have a figure in my mind, and that total will retire Kuku.  

PLEASE SEND ME YOUR MONEY

In short, if I have ever made you smile, or laugh, then please send me millions of dollars.  If I have entertained you with my speeches, newspapers, reviews, searing commentary, or hapless attempts at leading crews, then please send me millions of dollars.   If I have infuriated you, so much so that you've lost the run of yourself and have acted out in uncharacteristic ways, then please, send me millions of dollars.

YOU WILL WIN PRIZES

I will be awarding very, very special prizes to big donors.

Don't be shy - share with me your pie.

Send me your money.

but my lineage is proof, is it not that men can and do change.

I have witnessed much change in you, Kuku. What was once a man capable of leading a gang as powerful, ruthless, and with as keen of a business sense as The Questions of Money, is now a man doomed never to exceed the rank of Goomba.

You have changed, let's see if others have as well.

FrankCastiglia can you say one positive thing about Kuku?

PAY THE MAN, HES THE ONLY ONE TO STILL CARE ABOUT THIS WORLD!!!!!!!!!

DAMN YOU ALL FOR IGNORING HOW IMPORTANT HE IS

WHERE IS THE BEAST?

I dont have the millions to donate to you, but I will admit you are very entertaining and I never hesitate to come and see you you are saying in the streets, not the hero we asked for but you are the hero we all needed 

So here we are again, another diatribe dressed up as a competition from the ever suffering, ever whining, self aggrandizing minstrel of misery, Kuku.  A man who not only consistently paints himself as a tragic hero of some epic tale but reads much like family friendly comic relief.   Forever doomed to be caught in the imaginary, cruel tides of persecution;  Grand, operatic and, obviously, utterly predictable. 

Honestly, you drone on about being the butt of bad jokes, about being a recipient of violence as though the world has somehow conspired against you as a part of some grandiose vendetta, when the stark reality is the world has become disillusioned with your ceaseless, self inflicted, street speaking spectacle.   

Oh, how unfair that no one will take you in;  How fucking devastating that no agents will make any money for you.  I would posit though, Kuku, could it possibly be that the common denominator in all of your abject failures is, in fact, you?

Not happy with exhausting your own personal well of self pity, you then resort to the last refuge of the truly shameless, outright begging for money.  For sustenance I ask?  For survival?  Nope, far too humble for someone of your ilk, you demand millions, MILLIONS.  Do you really think that your wailing soliloquies and endless victimhood entitle you to vast sums of wealth.  What, does the world owe you a kingdom as well as a living? I think not. 

I mean, what are we actually getting for our millions?  The dubious privilege of being witness to your latest round of teary eyed, self mythologising nonsense?  Perhaps the honour of being on the receiving end of yet another one of your insufferable speeches, chock full of imaginary slights and grossly exaggerated injustices?  Fear not though citizens, our generosity will not go unrewarded as Kuku, in his infinite wisdom, has promised us a plethora of PRIZES.

Yep, that's right, you heard me correctly, the legendary Kuku prizes.  Such fabled rewards that, much like your slowly waning credibility, never really materialise.  

How many have been promised these funds and reached for them, only to be rewarded with a grasp at fresh air?  

How many fools have historically been lured in by your empty promises only to then be left standing nothing but the bitter realisation that they have, in fact, been played?  

An artist you are Kuku, but not one of rhetoric, leadership or substance; You sir, are a master of deception. 

So to sum it up, no Kuku, I will not send you millions, I will not send you thousands, hell, I wont even send you a single, lonely cent.  I will however, send you exactly what you crave in abundance, ATTENTION.  The knowledge that, once again, someone has taken the bait and acknowledged you.  Yet again, at least one person has read your pathetic little appeal and once again you have been pitied; Not for your supposed persecution though, simply for the relentless, all consuming need you have to be noticed and validated. 

So congratulations, enjoy the spotlight while it lasts, Kuku.  It’s the only thing you’ll ever have, and even that is beginning to fade.

Jurgen has actually made me quite curious so I'm going to donate 1 million to Kuku and see what kind of prize comes my way. The spirit of generosity has been running through me since the Durden/Paulson wedding festivities. 

Your accountant makes note that $1,000,000 has been wired to Kuku from your account. The note "I'd like a prize please" was included.

Thank you, RobberBaron.  A note from my accountant;

You have regifted Quad Corrupt Agents to RobberBaron.

Thank you Kuku. After Jurgen's impassioned rant, I wasn't sure I'd receive anything at all but this has worked out much better than expected. I'm quite glad to have put myself up for a "legendary Kuku prize".