Consider this your only warning.
The story ahead is a heartbreaking one.
Please be aware that it may evoke distress, particularly for those sensitive to the loss of animals.
If you feel this might upset you, it may be best to stop here.
You have been cautioned.

It was a dark and dismal day in the streets. You'd be forgiven for missing it as most days are the same these days. But this day was particularly dismal. Today was a day of mourning.

Slowly moving towards you from the distance was a dark figure - shorter than you'd expect. He was dressed in a black suit - the full works, with a jacket, blackout shades and a cute, but sincere black hat. No leash though, because the Doggos had no masters.

As they approached nearer, you notice they are lost in thought. Likely the same repeated thought... on constant loop. The daily struggle of the doggo mind. Doomed to repeating thoughts. Doomed to repeating thoughts. Doomed to repeating thoughts.

He breaks the cycle.

"Today... We lost aDog."

"I tried telling that pooch he was gonna get himself killed..." The figure now in front of you raised their head to reveal their snout.

"He didn't care. He was on a mission." The dog looks at you blankly. You pause. Puzzled, you take a second look. Is that Dog? Dog Doggo? Isn't he..?

"You're not crazy. Different dog. Didn't he tell you there were loads of us? Oh boy, you should hear about aDog back at home... He's a walking legend! Hear this... The dog has no gun, no crew, no protection, no fear!! Just a dog and his crazy words. His crazy, annoying, truthful words!" The dog chuckles with pride. "Dumb mutt... Clever, bastard, dumb, fucking mutt." He kicks the ground.

"I tell you something though," he leans in. "He's inspired the entire litter!" His eyes beam wide open. "I can't even tell you how many of us there are..." He pauses, rolling his eyes around their sockets as he thinks. "There must be at least twenty-six! Maybe more..."

"I'm bDog: Dog bDog Doggo. I'm not quite as big as aDog; he was a BIG, STRONG dog. That greedy bastard would never let Mama have five minutes rest! The little bastard was always on the teat. Served him well though, didn't it? You know he's the first dog in our line to make it to TWO!"

"TWO?! That's like... so many doggy years - that fucker died way before his time and he'll still probably live longer than the rest of us Doggos!" He chuckles again with pride. It was obvious the dog was upset but these dogs didn't cry. They were strong dogs.

"Yeah, he's inspired us all... Freed us! There's dozens of dogs doing laps, buzzing with excitement to get out and play! I've had to slow them all down. I told them: One at a time! These motherfuckers are paranoid... If we all start bounding out of the kennels at once, the people won't have chance to hear us speak! No, no. No sudden movements, no spooking those at the top. They're too easy to fright."

"aDog may be gone, but the hope he left us will live on forever! Doggos love hope! We thrive on it. You can't give us the tiniest bit of stimulus... It only makes us more intrigued... More inquisitive. More excited. EXICTED DOGGOS."

The dog pauses, his head spinning on a swivel. "Did you hear that? Did anyone else hear that?!"

He jumps around with his tongue hanging out and his eyes spinning to survey the area. "I HEARD A NOISE, DID SOMEONE HEAR A NOISE?!" He pants and runs in circles before stopping abruptly. "Might be a possum in the trash..." He thinks fondly of aDog for one last moment.

"What took them so long to murder the dog, I wonder?" He pauses to ponder. "See, we were all utterly convinced he'd be dead as soon as doggily possible. But not so - he lived for TWICE that! In the beginning, I'm sure they imagined him to be harmless. It's just a dog barking at the air, right?

I mean, how many of their sleepers really pay attention to these streets? How many even know what things used to be like around here? They're all force-fed lies to keep them fat, dumb and quiet. Half the puppets on strings come from bloodlines that have never had a backbone and the rest are largely made up of fresh bloodlines with no clue what this place could be... What it once was. Before they gutted it of all character and soul.

That's two major parts of their strategy you know... They've surrounded themselves with newer bloodlines but refused to teach them how to really become mobsters. It wouldn't be prudent to teach the new fish too much now, would it? They may start thinking for themselves and use it against them. No, no! Better for them if they strangulate rather than educate.

Maybe that's what wrote the dog off in the end. He took it upon himself to start educating you good people. That was unacceptable. If the plebeians started understanding the manipulation they were subject to, maybe they'd start asking too many questions."

Doggo suddenly thinks of aDog and giggles to himself.

"I'll tell you what he did... The crazy, hilarious bastard. He woke up this morning and he wrote a big letter to every Philadelphia buttonman. In the letter, he shared everything about their spineless Godfather and their history of fucking over those who swear loyalty to them. He went on to shit on JTG Riina's line too. Just ugly truths, you know? But actual truths, nonetheless! Maybe that's why aDog died... Perhaps they're simply scared of the truth."

He pauses to think.

"You know, a great friend once told me, 'Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.' Those words have stuck with me. So maybe it wasn’t malice. Maybe dog just struck a nerve... Upset a Philly mobster or two, and they wanted blood. Definitely a stupid move if you ask me, because there’s always another dog to take his place. But hey... You know what? I think I finally get it. I think I finally understand aDog. Keep sending us bullets, Plastic Mafia. The Doggos will keep coming."

"Since Dogs passing, I've been drowning in paperwork. You know, payment for this, payment for that, flower arrangements, a cute little (but also big) doggy-sized casket..." He waves off the thought. "Anyway, it got me looking into all his files. The guy was a real loon, he's got artefacts and logs and all sorts of shit... Dating back over a decade - shit you wouldn't even realise existed. Shit that probably shouldn't exist. I think he was an OCDoggo or something, because his system is meticulous. Anyway... Ignoring all the juicy stuff for now, I stumbled across one bit of relevant data. This is for all to see - it's publicly available if you know where to look, but here I brought a copy for your perusal."

Rank Breakdown
Godfather - 4
Don - 10
Consigliere - 21
Boss - 23
Capo - 19
Made Man - 18
Wise Guy - 119
Earner - 39
Goomba - 31
Gangster - 65
Thug - 8
Civilian/Petty Thief - 38

"Did you know only 24% of the criminal world today are Made guys? That's shocking to my line. Is that normal? We don't remember that being normal. But it's worse than that. You know, it could be understood - there's just been a rogue Freethinker. Maybe it's a skewing of the data, right? I considered the same, but no - it's been two weeks since that event. Spike's offspring? They're Made, of course!"

"Yet there are 119 Wise Guys. That's 39.67% of the under-Made population! Almost half of you are being held back! You're being stalled. Limited. They're intentionally stunting your growth. Disgusting!"

"This is just another of their cheap tactics. More strangulation. Suffocation."

"Why are you being held back? Are your earnings lacking? Have you kept in touch? Listen, if you need some help on how to fit the criteria of becoming a Made guy, the first thing you should really do is not look for advice outside of the family... However, Doggo understands how this world can be under a corrupt administration. So if you need some help or pointers on how to break through the invisible wall to become a Made Man, you just reach out to your nearest dog - we'll help you on your journey.

I'll warn you though - it's very likely it's no fault of your own. I've heard from many around our great country that despite having long lineages with great success of achieving their button, this time the opportunity just isn't presented to them. They swear they're doing all the right things, putting in all the effort, doing everything they can for their family, but there is no reward. There is no promotion for them. There is no future for them. The carrot is a lie.

It got this doggo thinking. What are you supposed to do in that situation? What would one of our doggos do if we were being maliciously held back?"

He chuckles to himself, imagining the scenario playing out in his head before he returns to present.

"We'd probably authorise ourselves. Set up, take a crew. If they won't give us progress, we'll take it. Fuck it, why not? If you're being denied for promotion and you've really tried everything else, what's stopping you? There's clearly no future for you. What do you think they will do with you when you seem to grow too strong? Or when they start thinking you've realised that there is no future for you? If you ask too many questions?"

Dog widens his eyes and slaps his paw up the side of his head.

"Dead."

"But there's over a hundred of you! Can you imagine the carnage if you all, at the same time, decided to turn your back on your families and demand equal treatment?" He looks up to continue exploring his imagination. "Oh, it would be magnificent, wouldn't it? Aren't you tempted? To stand up and say 'FUCK YOU!' to them?

I would be."

"Hey, listen... Today is a day of mourning. I'm really not trying to cause any further problems for the Doggos. Not today. We can continue with havoc tomorrow. All I'm saying is... You all have far more power than you realise, you're just lacking direction and leadership. Sure, they've got the guns. But who controls their protection? When the next Freethinker comes along, who are they going to ask to take protection shots for them?"

He raises his eyebrows and fixes his eyes on yours.

"Something to keep in mind."

He stops for a few moments and looks down the street at the magnificent kennel aDog had left behind. The cute, doggo-shaped casket could be seen at the top of the ramp. The dog sighed.

"I need to go spend some time with my brother. I look forward to seeing you all tomorrow. In brighter spirits."

He smiles at you.

"Pour one for the old dog tonight, won't you? A bowl of your favourite, he'd appreciate it."

Dog bDog Doggo walks on reverently. 

I would like to congratulate Spike on his Made Man promotion...he is a ranker. 

I heard he's a bald wanker

I heard Spike is to blame for all deaths along with Striphe and Joe.

And here you are KerryOki, attempting to sing like as good as a drunken patron, perceiving they are singing their heart out while, in reality, it sounds like a cat crying. Is Alejandro there in the karaoke room with you?

Dynamite you should really wash your tongue, my friend. That isn't a real salad.

However, I love that you harp on me when all I said was something that I heard. Calm down princess.

Dog wanders down the road whistling a hearty tune.

"Hey, KerryOki... What did one bollock say to the other?"

He pauses.

"Hey Striphe, it's ya neighbour Joe!"

And he continues on his way.