Does anybody know why there are no snakes in Ireland?

For St. Patrick’s Day, I hope you all were able drink green beer, wore green, eat corned beef and cabbage, and had a trusty garbage can for vomitory purposes nearby. It is a jolly holiday.

But that was practically just yesterday. Let’s talk about the day after St. Patrick’s Day.

As we’ve seen time and time again, there are attempts on our lives. There are people in the background trying to get rid of those in power. Let me be honest. I love it. I love that they try, and I hope they succeed someday. We do what we do for the thrill of danger, the thrill of combat, the thrill of death, and the thrill of revenge. However, the other day, they needed to do better…

What happened is that some certain individuals from the shadows, many of those who you could guess, made claims that they had some friends with weapons capable to take over this world of ours. That could’ve been great! It would’ve been fantastic to see! Death finally! A ladder to climb once again. But alas, that didn’t happen because some people are inept… and reckless in how they handle their shadowplay.

The people yesterday were killed in three stages. Center, East, West. This was by design, and executed to perfection. In this world, we have to pick up our eggs and crack them while wearing mittens. Admittedly sometimes you have to crack some eggs to make an omelet, but in general, yesterday was a pretty good omelet with very little shell in it. Some people caught strays unfortunately, but overall, those targeted were specifically targeted because of the whispers of their shadowplay friends. And if we missed some and they get us, fuck it.

So about those snakes or whatever they were, we had to get a staff and knock around in the bushes and chase them back into Europe. Thank you all.

Truly yours,

SpiteSpiegel

P.S. Hiss Hiss Kiss Kiss.

Firstly, allow me to congratulate you on establishing the 16th iteration of the Bebop family in Las Vegas. It was good of Striphe, Angelo and Hans to give you this rare opportunity to try your hand at leadership. I'm excited to see where it goes. 

Secondly, thanks for addressing the deaths of two Dons (presumably a linked retirement of another), two Consiglieres, two Bosses (and again, presumably linked retirement of another), four Capos, two Made Men and two Wise Guys yesterday. It would have been easier to just let it pass without saying anything - like Viktor's wake - but I, if nobody else, appreciates being kept updated about what is happening and why. 

Looking over the status of the casualties, it makes for pretty grim reading for a 103% prowess Wise Guy hoping to enjoy relative prosperity in the not too distant future. Do you think it says anything about the state of our families that our leaders were either (a) conned into giving the highest possible promotion to their members who were being controlled from the shadows or (b) that they allowed those same honoured people to have their shells accidentally cracked and did nothing to defend them? 

Frederick steps on a dead snake (where the hell did it come from?) as he approaches Spike.

First off, allow me to congratulate you on yet another successful purge. It's become quite a routine thing for you and yours. You've practiced it so much that you've got it down to a science. Well done. Truly.

Now then. I'm quite curious about one of your statements. You claim you hope "they" succeed some day. You claim you do what you do for the thrill of danger, the thrill of death, but your actions say the exact opposite. If you actually wanted to face the thrill of death, why would you insist on killing every single person with a large gun who isn't on your payroll? That, to me, just screams you're afraid of death. It isn't thrilling to you at all; it's terrifying.

We can all respect and appreciate the desire to be on top. Nobody is questioning that, nobody is questioning your motives. We all understand how the mafia works. What we are questioning... is why you have to continuously lie to us all about why you do what you do. Just say you were afraid of them, so you shot them. Some honesty would be preferred over this rubbish you spew time and time again.

One other thing I am genuinely curious about. You and yours have been at the top for what seems like millennia now, constantly purging any threats to you, constantly authing the children and great great great great great grandchildren of those on your payroll. At what point do you get bored? At what point do you realize how stale everything is and want to spice things up?

These streets have been dwindling in numbers with no hope of returning to their former glory. This is caused by many external factors, but your complete control over the mob, even from beyond the grave on numerous occasions, is one of the leading factors. Do you really want to keep sending these streets into further disrepair? Are you that hellbent on being powerful, that you're happy to see these streets continue to die as you keep destroying the population because of your cowardice nature?

Obviously, this is not directed explicitly at you, Spike. Don't get your panties all wet, I know you're just the messenger boy. It's for the entire regime. Everyone in command who has been so across multiple generations. You're all part of the problem.

I leave you with this. What does it take to live on these streets without fear of being murdered for literally no reason? Is no one allowed to shoot their gun, ever? Should we all just constantly donate ours to the crew armory? Do we need to sign a legally-binding contract that states we can't attack you without massive repercussions? What is it that you want?

When will we be free again? When can we have fun again?

Frederick picks up the dead snake he first stepped on. He places the head in his mouth and clamps down, severing it from the body. He spits the head out and walks into retirement before he can be shot for using his First Amendment Right.