Spike steps off a boat, with a suitcase by his side. He has a tan, a very good tan. 

So, I have returned from a journey to furthest end of the earth. I lived to tell the tale. I reached an island, quite desolate, but with a pretty grey beach, with a tinge of nostalgia. I saw parrots, and other wildlife. There were also tribesmen, living in backwards ways, as I would soon learn quickly.

To my surprise, the tribesmen were a tribe of toys. Some were small tin soldiers. Others were dolls with pull strings. I saw a nutcracker there as well… There was a jack in the box with a broken spring, but still a big smile. The thing is though… about these toys… They were all alive. I gave them metal tools, and they were surprised by the durability. They had been using coconuts and rock to build their homes. I walked around the island a few times, in a matter of a few minutes, as it is a small island.

It became apparent that the toys had rust on them. The wind-up car’s yellow paint was turning brown, and its rubber wheels were cracked. I started to notice something else a little off about them… I looked closer at the small toys, and soon realized that the doll with a pull string on it had mismatched eyes, one blue and bright, and the other just brown and dull and significantly smaller. I noticed that the boots on the cowboy action figure were actually heels. 

As I looked behind a bush, I found a little teddy bear with an eyepatch. The teddy bear spoke to me, “They took my eye, mister, and I have been hiding behind this bush. Please don’t let them see me. They will tear me apart.” I realized that this was an island of cannibal toys. I took the bear into his arms, and started to run across the 20-foot-wide island back to his boat. I was not going to be staying overnight as I had planned. I told the teddy bear that it would all be okay, and we sailed off back to civilization, so that I could get the bear a new eye and tell the stories of the horrors of the Island of Misfit Toys. 
 

Voldemort stops to listens to the mans speech, completely lost and totally confused as to what is going on here.

I must ask, as a man who has recently found himself intrigued by the intricacies and every day doings of the mobsters all around me, I have one question for you sir...

Voldemort stops, and looks at the man, still as confused and dumbfounded as before

Is this a fictional story, are you stuck in the Christmas lands, or am I just so unaware of how things operate around here, that no matter how hard I try to understand this, I never will?

Alexander rides out on his chariot dropping flyer behind him as he goes.  "The incompetence in Los Angeles is rampant."

"

FatGrin was stood near a boat, a confused bald onlooker and an abandoned chariot as he listened to...a story? Fever dream? Speech with in-jokes and references that only a couple of people might understand and he wasn't one of them? As he mulled that over, he felt a light breeze tickle his jowls, and his attention was drawn to flyer being cast haphazardly back and forth in front of him. He plucked it from the air, a frown quickly scrunching up his face from top to double chin as he read it.

We have bigger problems than your 20ft cannibal toy island at the end of the world, Spike. This man has been bloody Burgerhoused right on our doorstep!