BROADCAST LIVE FROM THE DUCK'S BILL HEADQUARTERS, FROM INSIDE ONE OF THOSE BOOTHS THEY SHOOT AIR INTO TO MAKE MONEY FLY AROUND

"Goooooooood morning everybodyyyyy, this is QuackersFeatherbeak, your brand-spanking-new host for the Speak Easy Radio Show. We're broadcasting live from The Duck's Bill HQ, where our super-team of lawyers have just finished acquiring the rights to this once abysmal, now stupendous radio show, and we're unhinged, unfiltered and unapologetic, baby."

Quackers hits a couple buttons that make monkey howls, farts and doorbell noises simultaneously, shaking his head at the stupid gimmicks FMP relied on to keep listeners engaged.

"No time to waste, let's jump into one of our favorite segments...CONFESSIONS FROM THE DEADBOX!"

Quackers sets off a couple siren noises and another fart effect, this time with canned audio of a small girl going, "Pee-ew, stinky!". 

"For those of you out of the loop, FatherMacklePenny sucked pavement this morning - ", canned audio of crowd going, "Awww!", "But enough good news!", rapturous, boisterous laughter. 

"We wanted to dedicate this segment to the big man, your former host, if only to pay some small tribute to the dummy who made this all possible. We're proud at The Duck's Bill to be ascending into a true multi-media monopoly, and it wouldn't have been possible if MacklePenny hadn't gotten himself killed so quickly and hilariously after practically begging for our attention. Rest easy, you deacon of disaster."

The sound effect plays about 3 seconds of 'Taps' before descending into a chaos of donkey 'hee-haws' and a deep-voiced echo repeating 'Speak Easy Radio Show' overlapping at different volumes.

"On to the segments we'll be scrapping from a regrettable episode 1: 

The High Bid Confessional? Scrapped. MacklePenny may have been on the bread lines but The Duck's Bill doesn't beg for hand outs.

Advertisements? Scrapped. Half of episode 1 was filled up with ads, it was unlistenable. This show is now run by generational wealth. The only thing we're selling is out.

The Holy Giveaway? You guess a number and get a measly 200k? I guess we can keep doing that. Somebody guess a number, if that's fun for you."

Loud canned snoring noise.

"That's all the time we have, folks, say your prayers and....whatever sign off Macklepenny used to do on this thing. Turn the other cheek, and we'll slap that one too. We'll see you next week."

QuackersFeatherbeak
Radio Host | Multi-Media Tycoon | War Veteran
"Fowl-mouthed"
PM to participate or criticize.

Now this is more like it. This is quality entertainment - both informative and thought provoking. The best thing that ever happened to the Speak Easy Radio Show was Father Marklepenny getting shot in the face. I hope he is listening and learning now, way up there in Heaven, or possibly in Hell, where terrible radio show hosts go.