The Duck's Bill Issue 9: Quacked Up
I'm All Drumsticks

Loyal readers,

I come to you today with a question, the scientific ramifications of which extend even beyond those that created me - a hybrid duck-man, with a duck body, duck head, duck wings and duck feet. 

The question is this: 

Can three dummies share one single brain cell?

In recent days, I've received telegram after telegram from Duck's Bill readers thanking me for my bravery and the insight shared in my investigations into the world we live in today. I don't do this for fame or money, though of both I have plenty; I do it for them. For the truth. 

And yet, a small gaggle of dooflebrained hunchbacks continue to plague my issue release parties, press conferences and galas, whining about this or that, weeping hysterically, chewing demonstratively on paper, howling, shrieking, shaving their own heads, you get the picture. It is a mess. Some of these readers have famously been added to the Banned Readers List, from where there is no coming back. 

I do not enjoy that process. It gives me no pleasure to permanently bar a reader from enjoying Duck's Bill publications, seminars, events and getaways. In most cases, I do it for the safety of my own loyal readers, so they may feel free to enjoy lazily leafing through new Duck's Bill issues at newsstands, without the threat of some rabid, country-bumpkin like Shane_Stetson trying to chainsaw-murder them, or placing hits on them, anonymously, for embarrassingly small sums. 

And so the quesiton at hand: Can three dummies share one single brain cell?

<Mistletoe> Thank you! And yes! Puppies make everything better, now just to figure out what to name him!
<Katerina> I was going to write a response to your thread RPing about that lol
<Route> Maybe it can be trained to pee on Duck's Bill papers

"Without engaged readers, you would throw out issue after issue, knowing that it is just being used for makeshift doggy pads ready for urine and feces.

Reply by: Shane_Stetson at Mar 31, '25 15:07"

"They make very good training pads for dogs.

Reply by: Lucy at Apr 15, '25 22:43"

Three hecklers. One single joke between them. Did someone put them up to it? Are they being paid to deliver these canned lines? Or can they really just not do any better? Because this is just SAD. 

Route, congratulations. You have earned a LIFETIME BAN. 

UPDATED BANNED READERS LIST:

LUCY

ROUTE

SHANE_STETSON

This is alarming for several reasons. 

1) The shameless slander of the deceased. Let it go, bro. Shane's blowing up clouds in the sky. Leave him be ffs. 

2) Does a VIP deputy have the authority to ban people in the Streets? Debateable.

3) That conversation between Mistletoe, Katerina and Route took place in Riina's private speakeasy. That means you've got an inside man feeding you info.

Who is it Duck boy? Spill the goods. Who's the mole? Who's feeding you info praying you'll end up as foie gras? I don't want to point fingers, but BerZerk, explain yourself.