It has been a lifetime since that fat feathered fuck dirtied the streets with another sub par edition of his newspaper. Most people are celebrating this, but not me. Without the paper I have nothing to line my fifteen bins with and the rats who live there are getting very, very angry. 

Has anyone even seen him anywhere lately?

One can only hope he hasn't been turned into Order number 77: roast duck in an orange and plum sauce.

Peace out friends

Stay humble 

#FuckTheDuck

He probably accidentally banned his 2 readers. Although I am relieved that the streets aren't filled with his dirty and not environment-friendly papers, I am kinda sad that I now have to buy regular paper to wipe.

ThinGrin, running the best, most frequently released paper in the country is hard work. Am I rewarded handsomely for my troubles? Yes. I am scandalously rich. Has it changed me? Yes. My old friends are dead to me. I run in different circles now. Has it made me a harder, more cynical man-duck? Yes. I've seen things you wouldn't believe, and outlived dozens of hecklers and haters. Shane_Stetson tried to kill me, but I'm still here. Will I continue to bravely investigate and report all of the latest and most pressing news occuring in the mafia world? You better believe it. 

Lucy, your bitter, relentless anger is unfortunate but understandable. All of the newspapers you aren't banned from have barely released a fraction of an issue since my last several releases. You can't have any idea what's happening in the world and it scares you. Duck's Bill readers enjoy the privilege of an enlightened existence. There isn't a moment in their lives when they aren't up to the date with my thrilling editorials or the latest banned reader list. But you are exiled, ignorant and resentful. I pity you. 

Shut up and release another "issue" already. Paper prices are up these days because you keep killing the trees to release the fever dreams you call newspapers.

Also quit calling me Lucy. My kins keep seeing my name and notifying me. Some of us don't wanna see your face you know. From now on it's miss De Montefio to you.