The Duck's Bill, Mini Issue 11.6: 'Jeff_Fort Took A Poo' Day
Egg-Sucking, Scarecrow-Kisser

Loyal readers,

This is the first issue of The Duck's Bill published since Jeff_Fort - RHM of the Adelin- crew - threw his own poo everywhere in a fit of rage. If one were to be more specific, he produced a so-called "juicy shard" from his bowels and decorated our previous issues release event with "the slight spray off poo and magna fart floating around". This display of street dominance was perceived equally with awe and disgust by most onlookers, and there has been no official comment yet from crewleader Adelin- nor LV Godfather-Chairman Marie, both of whose tacit endorsement of fecal terrorism seems all but confirmed at this point. 

In honor of the event, The Duck's Bill has decided to commemorate that day - May 21st - on May 29th, as the official 'On May 21st, Jeff_Fort Took A Poo On The Streets And Threw It Everywhere' day, and will be hosting a parade and special broadcast of FatherMacklePenny's Speak Easy Radio Show, which we forgot we owned. There will be a host of enormous prizes, a non-violent writing competition, and a keynote address from QuackersFeatherbeak, the #1 mafia journalist currently operating in the American Mafia.

As this is a Duck's Bill event, all readership bans WILL apply and trespassers will be promptly killed by Spike and Riina.

It has also been brought to our attention that Savannah, of the Adelin- family, has doubled up on Duck's Bill bans, earning her just the 3rd mega-ban in mafia publishing history.

The banned reader list reads as follows:

Lucy

Route

Shane_Stetson

Tony_G

Lieutenant_Titus

Emerald

Adam-Sandler

Cyclone

big_jason

The Entire Giacomo_Parisi Family

BerZerk

Jelly-Viterelli

Tony_Soprano

Lighter

The Entire Adelin- Family

MrKrabs

@ArianaGrande

RoccoMoretti

Clampazzo

Kaime

BlakeOakfield

Blur

Savannah

Fluffy_Tummy

FrancisMarzollo

TIIYAH

JackTheRipper

Rum

Coke

KyronFlux

Crystalize

angeloSDNitti

moonlitopus

Optimus

JohnnyTwinkleToes

YourNextWife

TheDumpTruck

Jeff_Fort

MiguelMorales

Father_OMalley

sh0rty

MC_Hammer

Jimmy

DariusMaglione

Jeff_Fort's Grandmother

Joe-Ligambi

KennyRusso

Domenico

Littlebite

Petroleum_Jelly

The mega-banned reader list now reads as follows:

Lucy

Jeff_Fort

Savannah

There will also be live music.

Until next time,

QuackersFeatherbeak 

How does this work? I am banned so I can't read this?

I have not read it yet, but I'm tempted

Don't want to break any rules, can you explain it to me sir journalist sir?

Unfortunately, KennyRusso, in order to create a more exclusive readership, The Duck's Bill has engaged in a campaign of completely random reader bans, of which I have absolutely zero control or oversight. I am just the messenger. It appears your name is on the list, meaning you have been banned from all Duck's Bill release events and Duck's Bill-associated events, such as our parade to honor Jeff_Fort throwing his poo everywhere. My condolences. 

send me some money then so I won't get sad about being banned

or your bgs are gonna get it. just ask BerZerk

I ain't scared of the consequences.

KennyRusso, please stay away from my BGs. They are good men. Patrick donated his kidney to his brother last year. We all pitched in around the office to get him a greeting card but they gave it to him before I had a chance to sign it, which upset his wife. If he were to get killed before his family had a chance to celebrate 'On May 21st, Jeff_Fort Took A Poo On The Streets And Threw It Everywhere' day on May 29th, I would feel like a terrible employer. But I will not be sending you any money. 

2. Success!
You killed two bodyguards.

May Patrick rest in peace.

Kenny, I've told my boss on you. I'll tell my mother too. Please send me 15 million dollars.

I sent 5 is that enough

have pity I'm poor

I'd rather have you killed but I'll accept it. Riina, please abort the mission. He can live. 

phew thank God, I thank you for your mercy

also you're a terrible employer. I hope Patrick's wife makes you life hell.

Rest in peace, Patrick. KennyRusso is a cruel and vindictive man.

Anyhow, I will be making t-shirts for the parade commemorating the May 21st event. The first five parade attendees will receive a free t-shirt. Everyone else will have to pay a fee to be determined once we see if anyone actually wants to buy one.

All I need is for someone to create the t-shirt design. It should be shart-related. And then I need them to distribute the t-shirts to all prospective buyers. Also, to collect the money. Finally, I need that person to distribute to me 50% of all the proceeds from this scam charitable event.

That's a terrific idea, TomJoad. You see everyone wearing trenchcoats and fedoras these days, but where are the t-shirts? Let's dress down a little. This is a family event. You wouldn't want to spill mustard on your pinstripe suit! Or whatever comes out of Jeff_Fort this time around.

KennyRusso, I'll pay you 5m to shoot this idiot's BGs. 

My 5m? add a few more and I may consider it.

What do you mean your 5m? It's my 5m. That's Patrick's 5m. However, I've realized that Alexander is not a banned reader, so he is legally entitled to be here, despite his completely asinine, borderline braindead opinions. He and his bodyguards are free to stay. 

If I find work as Alexander's bodyguard, can I too stay here? Or I'

If I find work as Alexander's bodyguard, can I too stay here? Or I'm still on the banned list?

sorry I burped and replied without finishing my thoughts. I apologize.