Tom was leaning against a street post on the corner of Cass and Warren in Detroit, trying to kill some time while waiting for others to arrive for the planned Art Gallery heist. Summer was almost here and the ladies at Wayne State University were dressing for warmer weather. 

Sensible, Tom thought: "I'd do the same thing if the boss didn't make me wear this monkey suit". 

But Tom wasn't the only one paying attention to the sidewalk traffic that day. Tom never went anywhere without his friend Dick. Although they were quite attached, they were complete opposites. Tom was very rational and logical. He was never impulsive and thought through everything before taking action. Dick, on the other hand, was impulsive and usually showed poor judgment and a short attention span. This was a source of constant hostility between Tom and his less logical friend...

D: "Hey. Hey. Dude. Hey. Look. Check her out. She's fine as fuck, huh? You should get after that".

Tom: "Will you shut the fuck up?"

D: "HEY! I mean it, seriously, look".

Tom: "Settle down. It's just an I.D. card. Nothing to get excited about".

D: "Yeah, but look. She's fine as fuck, huh?"

Tom: "Did you hear anything I said?"

D: "You should hire a corrupt agent for her and send her a telegram with a winky face".

Tom: "Now why in the hell would I want to do that? I work hard for everything that I have".

D: "Cuz she's fine as fuck. Look. Dude. Look. That's nice, huh?"

Tom: "Sometimes I hate you. You know you're responsible for almost every bad decision I've made in my entire life, right?"

D: "Haha, I love you too, buddy. So are we going to get after it, or what?"

Tom: "Fine, but this is the last time. You know she's probably some nasty hag, right?"

D hands Tom some tequila
D: "Stop complaining and do as you're told".

TomJoad, you may try to protect the identity of your friend by using an alias, but we all know you're talking about @DariusMaglione.

Let us call a spade a spade. And Darius an enigmatic womanizer.