With the fall of the previous regime, the economy of the criminal underworld has taken a significant hit. Hands are dipped into once overflowing war chests and coming up dry; somewhere in the ether JTG smiles proudly. The credit market is in turmoil, as desperate traders fight tooth and nail to snatch the lifeline of the single $425,000 bounty like Joe-Ligambi at an every possible opportunity to auth himself. With this in mind, knowing the value of money at a time like this and already having invested heavily into now thrashed fortifications during rebuild whilst my crew take their 12 hourly paydays, I am pleased to announce the first of many vastly overpriced works I'll be commissioning for Detroit.

Simon gives a signal to some of his fresh recruits and they begin to hand out flyers. 

You will all no doubt be aware we lost a true warrior during the conflict; a man destined to lead us to a bigger and brighter future only to be cut down moments before he doubtlessly would have ended the fighting singlehandedly. I am of course talking about the great proffit himself, big_jason, taken from us much too soon and a loss we might never truly overcome. 

Simon bows his head and allows a moment of silence to pass across the gathering before continuing.

As one of my first acts as the steward of Mug City, I am seeking a skilled artisan to create for me a statue to honour big_jason that will be talked about alongside the 12th Street Public Toilets as one of the landmarks of the city. Keep in mind, this is a place where a 20ft effigy of Hobbs hasn't been extinguished in almost 3 years, where d0m1n1c decided to torch his own business rather than serve the patrons who gathered there and where a library is even said to be buried beneath thick vegetation, if you can believe that. The point is - only the best work will be accepted, which is no less than jason's memory deserves.

I'm prepared to reward the successful sculptor disproportionately handsomely for their efforts. Everyone knows that shrewd financial planning is a scam, and my horoscope told me today that, "it may feel safer to keep your feelings under wraps, but this is a day to be brave, and share", so here I am sharing. 

There is a prize of...oh I don't know, say $25,473,578 available for the chosen designer. What a strange number, I hear you say, how did you come to that? Well, that is actually the exact amount which I won from the MR Lottery (significantly more than that which QuackersFeatherbeak bagged, in case you were wondering) and I have decided to do the Lord's work with it instead. Take a look at this....

You glance at the flyer hastily stuffed into your hand by one of Simon's ugly goons, failing to notice your purse being lifted with the other:

DETROIT COMMISSION #1: HONOURING BIG_JASON

• Design me a statue or monument so that the sacrifices of big_jason will not be forgotten
• This must reflect the unique qualities of big_jason and accurately record the many things that made him a superstar of the underworld
• The winning entry can be of any length and should be shared here or sent to my mailbox if you wish to keep the shine solely on the big man
• All efforts will be judged by me and an impartial judging panel who will determine what best suits the Detroit landscape
• The chosen designer will have their works constructed in the Detroit Business District where it will be mandatory visiting for all Detroit residents
• They will be paid HANDSOMELY for their efforts
• Entries received after 17th July 23:59 will not be considered

 So that's that. You've got a week. 

LET THE MEMORIAL TO BIG_JASON BEGIN.

Eala was very keen to continue to collect her princely pay day's so brown noses with a quiet “What an excellent idea”

She shudders at the mention of the 12th Street Public toilet given her recent terrible experience at this frankly disgusting location (Almost as disgusting as UglyInbredGeorge)

“Simon, do you think the Big Jase monument could rival the Statue of Bearderus over in Chicago?

Also, two questions...
1.    Whose job is to clean the bird shit?
2.    Will there be prizes for non-entrants?”
 

Simon, I LOVE this. 

big_jason was a titan of this community and his legacy must live on.

I propose a big_jason Fan Club (BJFC) be stood up so we can come together and share memories.

However important that this isn't confused with the BJSFC (blowjob Spike Fan Club) which I know ole Spacey and Joe Ligambi have been leading diligently and dutifully for several years now.   

The timing of this contest strikes me. The balance of the swansong bank account was slowly dwindling as our hardworking members take what is rightfully theirs, their paydays, and SUDDENLY a suspiciously specific number of dollars disappear and I'm left with a note from our accountant telling me the entire swansong fortune is now wired to an escrow with nothing left in our coffers.

Normally I would be upset about this, both because our members deserve their paydays but perhaps just as if not more importantly I deserve a payday. An empty bank means no paydays. Disaster. Ruination. Depression.

HOWEVER.

When I found out the money would be used to commission a statue of JASON PROFITT my sadness, anger and erectile dysfunction faded. You can't build an ivory tower without shooting a few elephants. Or swans.

Finally, something in Detroit nearly as beautiful as me. Though I tend to be busy not marrying my relatives, I'll be hard at work sculpting Big Jase out of soft, wet mud. I'd use marble but it's hard and my bones are hollow and brittle, in a normal way. And I already feel that as the only contestant able to use his chin as a supply shelf, I have a distinct advantage. 

There once was a Jason. A meager thug who strode upon these shores to "watch the carnage". But unbeknownst to this titular, mononymous character, there lurked another jason. A bigger, better jason. A jason that once had the Detroit Business District aflutter with his avant-garde approach both art and micro-economics.

Our young Jason stood no chance. When faced with the prospect of turning Gangster in a world already dominated by big_jason, he took his own life. But we're not here to honor the defeated, the meek, the small. We're here to honor literal opposite.

big_jason was not just a titan, but a big titan. Wielding bigness, he rose like sweet cream to the top of the sour milk of the former regime. The head of said regime, Spike, was quoted as saying "he deserved his own city". Not during the several years of Spike's regime, of course, when multiple cities had been handed out to incompetent Ligambi auths in sequence, but in some other, theoretical regime where that decision would not be Spike's to make.

I, for one, support the erection of such a statue and will gleefully offer my entry at a later date. This city, this country, continues to grieve with what was taken from us and a statue may be precisely what we all need to start to heal.

The loss of BIG_JASON is one that will stick with this community for many years to come. He was a pillar of prestige in our world, that all should look up to and aspire to be. I'm not one for stonework or sculpture, so I won't be drawing up any plans for this monument. But I look forward to seeing the end result, and paying my homage on any future pilgrimages to the holy land of Detroit. Let us all grieve for him, and remember his words of wisdom:

"playing with death is bad
for your health all your homeboys are  dead your going be last one left when you reach for your gun I recommend you be quick don't freeze because if you do your going to bleed IM a DON-General and  Admiral"

Truer words have never, and may never again, been spoken.

Clears his throat and attempts to be heard over the crowd...

I would like to participate and design something, remarkable. However, I never new this person nor did I ever interact with them. Any chance we can get some more information about the person in order to better design a worthwhile structure? You mentioned there were "many things", any chance we can get specifics for those of us whom were unlucky enough to not know him?  

Alright Swan Geeza, listen up! While I respect the sentimental stuff and your touching tribute to big_jason (top lad, no doubt), let’s have it right… if we’re talkin statues and immortalising legends in Mug City, there’s only one proper choice….. me, Liam Gallagher. For the people. For the culture. For the swagger that’s rubbed off on this city through every rebuild and rave since day one. Big_jason might've been a warrior, but I’ve been a goddamn icon – soundtracking the chaos, giving the masses somethin’ to believe in, and doing it all with style no sculptor could truly capture (but they’d better try). So crack on with your artsy competition, but know this… that statue belongs to me, for all my fans out there who never stopped believin’.
 

LG x