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| Confessional with VendettaJames | Started by: TheSpacePope on Jul 07, '08 01:35 |
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The following transcript has been released to public view because Mrs., James' check bounced. Let this be a lesson to you all. VendettaJames: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been...um, yesterday since my last confession. The Space Pope: Mumbling: Oh, Lord, here we go again. VJ: Sorry? TSP: What? I didn't say anything. Go on, my child, what troubles you today? VJ: Ah, ok. Um, anyway. Yesterday I kicked a puppy. TSP: Wait. Are you wanting a basic confession or were you wanting me to pretend to pay attention and act sympathetic? VJ: Um...Lets go for sympathy today. It's been a good week. TSP: Ok, go on. This puppy, did you kick it out of spite or what? VJ: Well, I don't really know. It was just there, I guess. I also shoplifted. TSP: Sorry, did you want to upgrade that to Confession with Absolution? VJ: Na, maybe next time. TSP: Sure. What did you shoplift? VJ: Hell, I don't know! A comb and a pack of cigarettes, I think. TSP: When did you start smoking? VJ: I don't smoke. TSP: Riiiiight. Well, I wouldn't worry too much about all that. You seem to have made significant progress since yesterday. At least you didn't shoot anyone. Did you? VJ: No. I don't think so, anyway. Father, I'm still struggling with my issue of irrational feelings of lust towards men in uniform and positions of authority. TSP: WHAT!? You didn't tell me that! VJ: Sure I did, but about the shooting thing. Is that something I should be really worried about? TSP: Wait, wait. When you say "feelings of lust", are you talking about just, sort of, a fanciful attraction, or something that actually drives you to pursue someone? VJ: Well, usually pursuing, I guess. I thought I told you that. TSP: *Fidgeting heavily in his booth.* No, I think I would have remembered that. Is it any specific type of authority or uniform? Maybe religious figures? VJ: I don't know. It just depends on my mood, I guess. But the killing things is what's really bothering me. I don't really have a problem with murder, I'm just bothered because I don't know exactly where God stands on it. You know, if he will see it as justified like I do. TSP: Ah, I think you're fine on that. Now back to the "lust" issue. What sort of situations brings those feelings on? VJ: Sorry, are you ok? I mean I really need some guidance when it comes to killing. TSP: Doesn't matter, not important. What we really need to do is focus on your sexual issues. There are very important details here The Space Pope needs to uncover. VJ: What? Why? I mean, forgive me, Father, but I'm sure that murder is more grievous, eternally speaking, than moral issues. TSP: FORGET THE FUCKIN' MURDER! It's all good, don't worry about it. Let's talk about what makes you all lusty. VJ: I think you're getting side tracked here. TSP: Listen you, which one of us is wearing the big pointy hat!? Huh? Now give it up!! VJ: How about I just come back later? TSP: GOD DAMN IT! Get back here! Don't hold out on me!! VJ: Walking quickly towards the door. I'll talk to you later, ok? TSP: This doesn't absolve you! You're still under condemnation! You must fulfill the terms of your repentance! ANSWER THE QUESTIONS! Please!? TSP: shit. |
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| lmao. sooooo looking forward to the next VJ confession | |
| Reply by: telkin at Jul 07, '08 01:37 | |
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She listens to the tape in horror wondering how many tapes The Space Pope had made of their conversations in the confessional. Erm, Your Holiness.. Do you have a moment? She fidgets with jacket.. You erm, got my last cheque right? |
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| Reply by: Iris at Jul 07, '08 01:40 | |
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Yes, dear Iris. Your $11.5 million came through just today. Go thy way and sin no more. Remember, children: Make sure you have the funds available before you write that check. God frowns upon those who cheat their fellow neighbor. |
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| Reply by: TheSpacePope at Jul 07, '08 01:44 | |
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| I hope you're available for weddings. | |
| Reply by: Vic_Mackey at Jul 07, '08 01:46 | |
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| Certainly. And for you, I'll only hit you I'll even promise not to mock your wedding vows behind your back! I also do children's parties, barmitzfa's, bachelor parties and grand openings! | |
| Reply by: TheSpacePope at Jul 07, '08 01:51 | |
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| damn butterfingers. forget the "hit you" part. Sorry. | |
| Reply by: TheSpacePope at Jul 07, '08 01:52 | |
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Oh, I'm not getting married. I was generally talking about inner HQ weddings. However, that does sound lovely. |
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| Reply by: Vic_Mackey at Jul 07, '08 01:57 | |
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| Which ever. Also, now seems as good a time as any to add that plural marriages still run $250,000 plus an additional $100,000 for each spouse involved. | |
| Reply by: TheSpacePope at Jul 07, '08 02:01 | |
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| How much does divorce cost? | |
| Reply by: Johnny3Tears at Jul 07, '08 02:02 | |
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| Divorce is a sin in the sight of God and The Space Pope will have no part in it. Eulogies, however, are covered and I think posting your (soon to be) Ex's name on the hit list is a workable loophole. | |
| Reply by: TheSpacePope at Jul 07, '08 02:04 | |
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Having what little polish left on her reputation tarnish rapidly, VendettaJames steps out from her office for a very rare appearance in the street. Look. I had the funds. The check bounced because of the exorbitant extortion fees I had to pay to make sure only the *edited* version of this transcript got publicly announced. I refuse to pay you another cent for your blackmail, Mr. Pointy Hatted Space Pope thingy. She storms back to her office, but stops after a few paces. And I'll be by confessional, same time tomorrow. I've done a few more things tonight I'm not too proud of. |
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| Reply by: VendettaJames at Jul 07, '08 02:24 | |
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Blackmail implies that I attempted to hold something over your head for the purpose of financial gain. My dear, The Space Pope does not take kindly to the idea that he would stoop so low as to sully himself with petty thievery and extortion. This was simply an exercise in humility and repentance. Making a full accounting of ones transgressions is an integral part of washing the soul of impurities. Besides, if The Space Pope had decided to blackmail you, you can rest assured he wouldnt have permitted his information to become public knowledge...once the check cleared. Same time, same place for the next confession? Speaking of blackmail...Still waiting on YOUR check to clear Alessia. |
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| Reply by: TheSpacePope at Jul 07, '08 02:32 | |
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| This, quite frankly, is why I never go to church. Well, this and the whole "God is a superstition" thing. | |
| Reply by: Taskmaster at Jul 07, '08 02:37 | |
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BLASPHEMER! The Space Pope hops up and down on his tippy toes pointing at the heathen Taskmaster. BLASPHEMER! OFF WITH 'ES HEAD! |
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| Reply by: TheSpacePope at Jul 07, '08 02:39 | |
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| I never realized how short you are in person. You remind me of Napoleon, only with a Pope hat. | |
| Reply by: Taskmaster at Jul 07, '08 02:53 | |
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| I tried to mug biscuit but didn't succeed. Please forgive me and buy me bodyguards!!!!! | |
| Reply by: ZzTop at Jul 07, '08 03:43 | |
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| Ahh yes, Taskmaster. It must be comforting to know that you arent the only pygmy in the 5 cities. I bet it feels good to finally meet someone that you can speak at eye level with. Say, those arent high-heels youre wearing, are they? | |
| Reply by: TheSpacePope at Jul 07, '08 08:32 | |
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| kicking a puppy wow that hurts....My the man above forgive you!!! | |
| Reply by: LuckySlevinJr at Jul 07, '08 14:31 | |
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Bad bad woman If your going to kick a puppy, kick it for a reason :| |
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| Reply by: GeorgeAgdgdwngo at Jul 07, '08 14:39 | |
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