| Sep 23 - 01:32:31 |
|
| Post Reply | Post new topic | Page: 1 |
| Confession with Ganelon | Started by: TheSpacePope on Jul 07, '08 13:41 |
|
The following confession is brought to you by The Space Pope and various doners who wish to remain nameless. Ganelon: Your Holiness, good to see you again! How are the bunions? The Space Pope: Oh, fine, you know. Nothing a pair of medicated foot pads can't deal with. How's that little infection thing you had? Burning sensation when you pee, right? GAN: What? No...you must have me confused with someone else. TSP: Really? I could have sworn you said something about it. Ah well, never mind, never mind. So many people need help, I probably just don't remember right. GAN: Its ok, I know how it feels to be endlessly pestered by everyone's little problems TSP: Heh, I bet you do. How's the Chief Assistant's Hat fitting you? Still liking the job? Still finding it fulfilling and challenging being a Second Banana to Squishy? GAN: Funny man. I'm not a "second banana", you know this. I wield enormous power and influence in the Five Cities. Without me this place would crumble into dust TSP: *Condescending nod*, Uh-huh. I'm sure we all would would. The Space Pope motions to their usual gilded VIP confessional booth. They seat themselves comfortably, lock the doors and mix up a drink from the Confessional's Private Mini-Bar. The Space Pope slides his window open. TSP: Let's make this official, shall we? You know the normal rate for confession, plus the additional 20% for keeping this between you, me and God. GAN: Right, right. Ganelon flips through his wallet and slides $1.2 million through the "donation" slot. GAN: Ahem...Ok. Uh, forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been one month since my last confession. I fear I have been struggling with... TSP: Ganelon. GAN: Err, yes? TSP: Ganelon, this is Monopoly money. The wad of colorful yellow, pink and green bills is forcibly shoved back through the slot into Ganelon's lap. GAN: Oh, er...sorry. Heh must have not been paying attention. Can I, um...cut you a check? TSP: Will it come out of YOUR bank account this time? GAN: Yeah, of course. Well, see actually, it IS my account, but it's a company check, so it won't actually have MY name on it, but it is absolutely above-board! Really. TSP: Ganelon... GAN: What? Seriously, it's kosher! TSP: Ganelon. Is it actually an imprinted check from a local bank? You pulled that once before in the collection plate, remember? You tried to pass a piece of paper on which you HAND DRAWN a check with a bunch of phony routing and account numbers. GAN: No way! Look who you're talking to, man!? This is ME. The Cheese! The Chief Encirito! TSP: Right, Mr. Enchirito. Cash will do nicely today, thank you. GAN: Ok, ok...Ganelon reluctantly slides a fat roll of dough through the slot. TSP: Thank you. Continue. GAN: Right. So anyways. I'm always at these elite parties and stuff, right? You know, everyone wants a piece of my time. TSP: So you say... GAN: And, like, I'm always having to fight off all kinds of broads. Seems like every time I turn around there's some new floozy trying to fling her panties at me. TSP: I bet. GAN: So this older chick comes up to me and is OBVIOUSLY way into me. TSP: *sigh* Go on... GAN: Now, you know me. Normally I got no time for any girl who hasn't been on the cover of a magazine, right? TSP: Silence GAN: Right? So yeah. Normally I wouldn't have given her the time of day, but there was something about this woman. She was just...mysterious, you know? She had something about her that I couldn't ignore. TSP: And? GAN: And, so I talk to her and I couldn't really get away from her, but it's weird because I didn't really want to. That's odd for a guy like me who's used to having at least two Hollywood actresses on each arm, right? TSP: If you say so... GAN: Hey, you know how I get down. I can't keep 'em off me! TSP: So you're talking to her then? GAN: Yeah, so we talk, drink and things are heating up right, getting a little risque, you know? We're flirting and laughing and then, like, all of a sudden, she's like "you want to go back to my place"? TSP: And you did, I assume? GAN: I know, right!? It's weird 'cause Ganelon is all about the ultra-honeys! Ganelon doesn't have time for second rate stuff. TSP: Ganelon, you're referring to yourself in the third person again. Only The Space Pope is allowed to do that here. GAN: Oh, yeah...sorry. GAN: Yeah, so we go back to her place and she just comes at me, cougar like! She's all tearing my shirt off and shit, kissing all over me and, like... TSP: Ganelon, this is a church, not an adult film GAN: Oh, ok...Are you sure? I mean this chick was CRAZY! TSP: I'm sure. GAN: Ok, suit yourself. So, one thing leads to another, right and we part ways in the morning. But here's the REAL kicker! I actually saw her AGAIN! Now you know me, I'll give a girl the best night of her life...once, but there just isn't enough of The Ganl...er, of me to go around! But with this one...I can't help it. And it's not just the second date, but I've seen her like over and over! It's almost like we're dating! TSP: Well, good. I think its time you finally found someone to settle down with. GAN: Hold on there, Shiny Shoes. You're getting ahead of the story. TSP: Am I? Actually I was hoping I was getting to the end. GAN: What? TSP: Nothing. Go on. GAN: Ah, ok. So we have been seeing a lot of each other right? But the thing is...this older lady has a daughter! A SMOKING hot daughter, no less. TSP: Don't say it... GAN: How can I help myself!? They flock to me! You yourself said "thou shall give freely of thyself!" TSP: You know what I meant by that! I won't bother to explain it when you know what it means. GAN: Hey, I'm just doing what you said. Ok, so this lady, gets all jealous and forbids me from even talking to her daughter! TSP: Understandable. GAN: But I can't help it, see! She's younger and totally different from her mom! TSP: I think you should respect her mother. Thou shalt honor thy father and thy mother, remember? That doesn't just apply to your parents. It applies to all your elders. GAN: Whatever, one step at a time, right? TSP: Sure. Why the hell not? GAN: Yeah, so now I'm stuck between these two INCREDIBLE women and if the husband/father finds out, he's a really important guy, you know... TSP: Wait, the older lady is married!? This is more serious, my son. What is her name? GAN: Robinson. TSP: Sorry, did I just hear you say that Mrs. Robinson seduced you? GAN: Yeah! You know her too? She's incredible right? TSP: The Space Pope heaves a heavy sigh and begins rubbing his temples. A frequent action he finds himself doing during his conversations with Ganelon. TSP: Let me guess. Mr. Robinson is an attorney and you are thinking about following Miss. Robinson, the younger, off to US-Berkeley to stop her from marrying another man? GAN: WOAH! You are infallible, aren't you! TSP: Ganelon. You are confessing the plot to The Graduate. GAN: WHAT!? Hell no! Ganelon doesn't need to do shit like that! TSP: Ganelon... GAN: Hey, up yours, man! I come to you trying to redeem myself and you go and insult me like that. TSP: Ganelon... GAN: WHAT!? TSP: I'm right, aren't I? You don't need to make up stuff for me. I'm an impartial intermediary here. GAN: I'm not making it up! Honest! TSP: Ganelon. Don't add another lie on top of it. GAN: IM NOT! TSP: Ganelon. Sit down. Just admit it and we'll both feel better. GAN: There's nothing to admit! TSP: Ganelon. GAN: What!? It's true. Seriously. TSP: ... GAN: I mean...It COULD be! TSP: *Sigh* Ganelon, I'm not your frat buddy. I don't care how many women you bag...or fail to bag. GAN: Silence, broken only by barely audible sniffles and quiet sobbing. TSP: My son...there's tissues in the bar GAN: More silence followed by a thunderous bellowing of snot into a tissue. Then more quiet crying. TSP: Ganelon, there's no shame in not being the worlds most promiscuous Mafiosi. Once you learn to just be content with what you have you'll find you will be happier than you can ever imagine! I really was excited when I thought you had found someone you could settle down with! GAN: I'm just so lonely! The sobbing grows louder and begins to draw looks of pity from parishioners outside the confessionals. TSP: I understand. The Space Pope does not, of course, suffer from a similar lack of companionship, but The Space Pope does council many who do. A position of authority will naturally alienate you from close relationships. Take a moment to compose yourself and then let's cut this off. GAN: Ganelon manages to pour himself a few more stiff shots before finally getting his breathing under control. He blows his nose a few more times and takes some deep breaths through, still shaky lungs. He wipes the tear trails from his cheeks and straightens himself in the mirror. GAN: So, do I get my money back then? TSP: Hell no! Now get the fuck outa here and clean up those tissues. GAN: Thank you, Father. So you up for golf this saturday. TSP: What? Sorry, I didnt hear that, had someone else talking to me. So, right. I'll just see you around, ok? Stay out of trouble. The Space Pope, hurredly shoos Ganelon out the church doors despite his protesting. GAN: How about we hit the club later? Get our groove on? HEY! TSP: Yeah, yeah...Call my secretary. The Space Pope manages to shove a protestsing Ganelon out the door and bar it shut behind him. TSP: Lord give me strength! |
|
| Report Post | Tip |
|
LMFAO what a great read its so nice to read some light hearted stuff on our streets rather then the same old rants etc. Absolutly worth the read had me here in stitches! |
|
| Reply by: TrappedWind at Jul 07, '08 13:51 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| ahahaha good shit man. keep it up | |
| Reply by: VinDiktive at Jul 07, '08 13:51 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| I plan to. God knows there are many who deserve it...IRIS. | |
| Reply by: TheSpacePope at Jul 07, '08 13:53 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Laughing hysterically, she drops to her knees and gives thanks for small blessings. Thank the Lord, Thank TheSpacePope, Thank the papal pointy hat... Divine retribution doesn't get much better than that! |
|
| Reply by: VendettaJames at Jul 07, '08 14:11 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Who says God doesnt answer prayers!? | |
| Reply by: TheSpacePope at Jul 07, '08 16:42 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Well someone knows me a little too well. I think VendettaJames has been sharing my secrets with everyone. TheSpacePope, I gave you a little donation for your fine confessional practices. I await the next episode. :) |
|
| Reply by: Ganelon at Jul 07, '08 21:38 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Isnt it great to be loved? Alas, I would have written what she told me to write, but that stuff was just WAY too unbelievable. I hope it was unbelievable anyway because, man...if it were true. I dont think even The Space Pope could help you out. And, is that what the IOU was for? A donation? Thanks! Youre the best! |
|
| Reply by: TheSpacePope at Jul 07, '08 21:44 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
No one would believe what she told you... That's why she knows, and no one else does... lol |
|
| Reply by: Ganelon at Jul 07, '08 21:45 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
In Gary Coleman School of Journalism and Landscaping, where I got my Masters Degree, a statement like that is generally considered to be a confirmation of events. Its similar to the "we can neither confirm nor deny" statement that politicians use. It works perfectly well for the legal system, but the court of public opinion doesnt necessarily buy it. Its ok. Only Vendetta AND The Space Pope now know. And I think we can all agree that The Space Pope is a trustworthy man...So long as you're the highest bidder. |
|
| Reply by: TheSpacePope at Jul 07, '08 21:52 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| You want the real scoop... I'll come in for another confessional tonight. I can spill all the juicy details... | |
| Reply by: VendettaJames at Jul 07, '08 22:03 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Oh good Lord in heaven. Please, do feel free to come enlighten The Space Pope with all your juicy little....tidbits. It would do us both good, Im sure. That being said...There aint no way in hell I'd let that little dialogue go! Not without some SERIOUS distribution rights and royalty assurances! Im happy to let the Streets of the Five Cities enjoy a laugh as your expense, but that kind of art will stay tucked away in The Space Popes private collection! | |
| Reply by: TheSpacePope at Jul 07, '08 22:07 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Post Reply | View All Threads | Page: 1 |
How much do you want to tip for this post?
Minimum $20,000
Minimum $20,000
