MsAnnThropy vs. Swanfree Swansong et al.

Shane recently learned of an atrocity that occurred against one of his family members, MsAnnThropy. Ann was walking in Detroit, minding her own business with her newly hired bodyguard, when he was brutally gunned down. Thankfully Ann was not hurt, but she had paid a hefty $50,000 hiring fee as well as the funeral expenses to his family. He left behind two children and a wife. She requested privacy in this time of morning. Ann is now without protection due to the negligence of Swanfree Swansong's (further and hereby referred to as Swan) employment of UglyInbredGeorge.

When asked specifically what happened, Ann stated that she noticed George sitting down on the sidewalk in the streets of Corktown and licking locks of his own hair. Then, that fateful day of Aug 4, approximately 3:13p, he looked up and saw Ann, got up onto his feet and began a gimpy walk toward her, beginning to reach into his pant. Her newly appointed Bodyguard looked with disgust, until he pulled it out...a Glock. George quickly pointed his small pea shooter towards Ann's bodyguard, killing him instantly. This gave Ann the chance to flee, not wanting to cause more trouble in a different city than her family was based.

To put salt on the wound, she received a mail from George in her personal home, information she never gave to him. The letter stated that she failed a Detroit "audit". Ann made a simple request for compensation of $50,000 to make up for the initial hiring fee she paid, knowing she would still foot the funeral expenses out of pocket. George deferred this request to Swan's Financial department, who has not responded for comment.

Ann has filed a lawsuit against the Swan due to the negligence of their hired associate, UglyInbredGeorge. She is represented by Barnaby Fowler, who is based of Philadelphia and learned all of his legal expertise from the popular movie, Mr. District Attorney. He used his connections to bribe the Pennsylvania government to acquire his law license and is respected well enough in the law community to help himself to the free coffee in the lawyer's lounge in various courthouses.

She is suing for the amount of $10 million dollars due to damages that include the hiring fee, funeral expenses, the legal firms exorbitant fees, punitive damages, pain and suffering, lost wages, and mental anguish.

Swanfree Swansong et al. will be served legal papers and the lawsuit will commence. 

"WHEREFORE, the Plaintiff, Ms. Thropy, prays for judgment against the Defendant in the amount of $10,000,000, plus interest, costs, and such other relief as the court deems just and proper."

A Broadcast to the Nation

There were rumblings on the Streets that the "auditing" was widespread. Shane took to his contacts in the broadcast studios back in Los Angeles and passed on the message to get to all the radio and TV stations.

"If you or a loved one have been a victim of these senseless and negligent audits in Detroit, call our law offices at 215-555-5555."

If enough people called, the lawsuit can evolve into a class-action suit, effectively resulting in a move to swift justice in the egregious act by Swan.

Aug 06, 20:54:17    You attacked Shane_Stetson's HQ fortification with a stick of dynamite!

This was not an audit, Mr. Stetson. I was just pinning a note to your door. It's hard to read, as it exploded. Please scrape it together and then give me your response.

Thank you. 

Aug 06, 21:00:50

You WACKED! UglyInbredGeorge.

Shane stands over George's dead body.

"You have failed this audit. You're in my house now, grandma."

BigEasy was up, bright and early, full of excitement for the full day of legal matters. He knew it wouldn't be easy but justice rarely is and today justice would be served...or so he thought...

Once he learned what had happened his mind raced, "Who was at play here? Is it possible his death was intentional? A possible cover up? Loose ends tied? Is it possible this goes deeper than anyone could have possibly imagined?"

He flipped open his notebook, jotted a couple thoughts then made his way back to the HQ. He felt there was more to this story and he wanted to be the one to uncover it. 

Payday George was the best auditor and Hit Squad Leader in the country. He was simply testing our defenses and kept us on our toes, and should've been properly praised and paid for it. 

Payday George did not deserve to die. He was man doing what he was bred to do. Such a shameful day for us all.

In honor of his name, everyone should take payday from their crewleader as we mourn a legend a man who was better than us all. 

@Shame_Stetson, you should feel deep shane for the injustice you commited against the auditing community today. 

George was just going about his business and you shot him in cold blood. I hope the many auditing guilds take swift retribution for this crime.

He did not have an auditing license in the state of Pennsylvania. I did have mine that I bribed the mayor for an expeditious approval and performed a health audit that he failed.

The lawsuit has been dropped as the negligent member is no longer alive.

@SlimRagnorok, let us begin our journey of friendship.

She is represented by Barnaby Fowler, who is based of….

Good evening Mr. Shane_Stetson, pardon my interruption. Gonna have to stop you right there, sir. We don’t do that sort of thing in here in Mug City, the whole “lawyer with a silly name” thing.  It’s not funny, it’s not fun. 

What I do find funny is the fact that you left out a great deal of what transpired. The way I understand it, @UglyImbredGeorge asked how much compensation MsAnnThropy required post audit, and a price was agreed upon. In fact, I believe it was MsAnnThropy that named her own price. When George offered to pay incrementally with interest, the idea was shot down by Ann, turning her nose up at the prospect of making more money than she had originally asked for. Does she not know how math works?

Anyways George was an honorable man, and I felt it necessary to make sure all the facts were included since you have decided to make this a public spectacle. 

I can assure you, the lawyer had no choice in his name. I'm sure his mother and father think it's a name only a mother and father can love, but he plays with the cards he was dealt. 

 

To: MsAnnThropy

From: UglyInbredGeorge

Sent: Aug 04, '25 19:34

Subject:

 

MsAnnThropy, I am willing to pay your compensation. I suggest a 28-day payment period, zero interest and a sincere letter of apology from my operating manager, twigs. How does that sound?

The terms over a month when it is evidenced that he does not miss a meal after collecting a frequent payday from Simon is preposterous. Fowler's client Ann would have had to bolster the burden of her $50,000 (with no interest according to what he stated).  Swansong is no longer liable for any alleged wrongdoing and she will eat the cost. We have sent Barnaby packing as his services are no longer needed. Drinks were had when we hired that man, as he would frequently talk to himself and call himself proactive names in the HQ.

Anyways, I have no other grudges or qualms from this point forward as a beautiful man did lose his life to a failed audit after attempting an illegal audit on my HQ. He barely scraped my door but that was unacceptable. If only my father Dynamite were here, he could have taught him some tips on dynamite- throwing.

Please do not shame my little brother Shane_Stetson. He is a good boy doing his best in a difficult situation. You all have no idea how hard he's worked to get to where he is. Ma used to say that boy had nothin' under his hat but hair and was born so buck-toothed he could scrape butter off toast. We used to use him as a spear while we huddled over mouse holes waiting for dinner to poke its head out. You all be nice to him. 

Shane_Stetson, what you did was nothing short of legendary. As a Crew Leader, you didn’t just clock in and go through the motions — no. You rose to the occasion like a modern-day champion, putting principle above compliancy and standing steadfast in defense of your crew member. That kind of integrity? Rare. That kind of leadership? Even rarer. It’s the stuff of workplace folklore.

All crew leaders across the board would do well to take a page — no, a full chapter — from your playbook. Your courage echoes through the corridors of our this thing of ours like a proud and defiant anthem.

As a humble expression of admiration and respect, I bestow upon you a complimentary gift basket brimming with nothing less than the finest gourmet chocolate-covered strawberries, handcrafted by the artisans at Sinful Delights in Detroit’s esteemed business district. May each bite serve as a decadent reminder of your noble stand.

I tip not just my hat — I tip the whole damn world to you.

I wasn't going to speak here, but Bethsheba, that is maybe the worst take I've ever heard in my entire life. 

I even pronounced your name wrong — it was that bad. 

Steve_Stetson has always been there for me, a wonderful big brother.

And Bathsheba, thank you for the kind and courageous words. I appreciate this fine and tasty gift you've given me; I will definitely have to visit the next time I am in Detroit to place a large order of doors in my brother's business, Stetson's Doors. Your beautiful words gave me a big grin, one that makes me ecstatic.

SimonTheSwanHunter, you take of these two, you hear? They are absolute gems and will get complimentary autographed copies of my book when I publish my expertise on management techniques. They are both very well-spoken, perhaps they can be co-authors?

I don't see that happening, Shane. I don't have room in my heart for another Stetson bait-and-switch. Fool me once and all that.  

I can assure you, the Stetsons do not bait and switch. Steve_Stetson runs a reputable business, building his doors with cheap and quick labor to get the doors out the door. When he runs low, actually, he sells that door too. He does nothing but open doors for the Detroit community and business owners, current and upcoming should take note of his work ethic. You have two members there that would never run you afoul.

On a more reminiscent note, you and I go way back to the days when journalism was neck-and-neck with competition for readers and we'd team up to critique the periodicals to make them better. I would never fool you. I would offer to join you on your next hunt if that is what you want. I did a lot of hunting on the farm as a young lad, so I'm sure I can offer you some assistance in good faith.

I find this turn of events so peculiar, Shane. When the late G-dog shot at your associate's bodyguards, you would have had a very strong case to demand his execution. Noone would have been able to honestly blame you for that. However, it seems that you wanted in on the current trend of audits and lawsuits instead. One might find that attitude benevolent and likeable, myself included.

You can't have it both ways, though. Either you planned for this outcome, or you were completely oblivious to the obvious fact that this is the way George would respond. You'd be a fool either way. You either go through the proper channels and demand consequences, or you join in on the fun. You ended up half-assing it and doing neither, and now you look like a fucking clown to everyone.