WhereWasI approaches the confused crowd,

I know what you're all thinking. Why would Las Vegas join a New York vs. New Orleans War? (Ok most of you probably didn't care, but shut up now that I have your attention). I'm here to shed some light on this particular question. GymTanLaundry had only just recently begun massing hoards of monkeys to his bidding in New Orleans when this war had begun. Word got around that PoisonousJelly may be losing his control over the monkeys. Some of his monkeys were rumored to be sneaking out of our HQ in the middle of the night to join The Juice Monkeys in New Orleans. He tried to pretend he wasn't hoarding monkeys, but we knew better. For one, ONLY ONE, instance PJ and I agreed about the monkeys. These new monkeys had to be stopped before they became a real threat to society. And so the Epic Clash of the Monkeys was set to happen.

We started our strike together in New Orleans. PJ brought his monkeys and it was a sight for sore eyes horrible. There were monkeys dying everywhere, some kill others with guns, others just got hit by traffic pulling poop off their faces. There was fur and monkey poop flying everywhere in the most wonderful gruesome battle I had ever seen. Long after their leader GymTanLaundry was killed his monkeys continued to fight with an unreal aggression. They were so juiced up there was a point in time no one thought the hub cap thieving monkeys would win. When all hope seemed lost for the Scouse Monkeys, I was called away to another city and forced to stop shooting the Fort Izzel monkeys. Right before I caught my flight I noticed PoisonousJelly was still pitifully stealing hubcaps while his loyal minions were dying all around him.

I wasn't there, but I was told by someone who was that when PJ held that hubcap up they started rally to around the thought of stealing hubcaps. Others said they started winning when I wasn't shooting wildly screaming horrible things at them. And some even crazier people said I was just hallucinating and firing my gun randomly into the streets of New Orleans hitting mostly Civilians.

The world may never know exactly what happened to the monkeys that day, but if you remember any particular part of the fighting, or have a diary writing about one, I'd love to hear it. I'd love to hear it because I want to know how the hell so many of them survived and made it back to the fort!!!

WhereWasI steps down, puts a paper bag over the rotting corpse of Fozzie and publicly slaps him one last time. Realizing the cops finally noticed he was grave robbing, and fully hearing the story of WhereWasI firing an unregistered gun in the streets of New Orleans. They began chasing him down the block with the Scouse right in front of them holding the key to a cage.

(OOC: Just had this brought to my attention, this was obviously humorous fiction. RIP to all the fallen, I just wanted to bring something to liven up the streets. If you have any issues with this, feel free to mail me and I'll consider your thoughts in my next comment/thread if they aren't unreasonable. Also meant to thank -Aoife- for fixing a bunch of grammar mistakes! I was tired... it happens.)

She listens to WWI's long winded tale of heroism and monkeys trying not to fall asleep.

I can honestly say I've now heard everything. May those that fell be at peace and their spawn run rampant in our Streets soon.

She looks at WWI and sighs.

When PJ retired for the evening he left me in charge of you, think of me as your babysitter... Did you remember to feed the monkeys and tuck them in? Read them their story? Hmm?

No. You didn't.

I had to.

She starts to glare at WWI.

They may behave for me, but that does not excuse your forgetfulness. Get in there and clean up the poop. Charlie shit everywhere and now Tammy, April, Jason, and Chelsey are playing in it.

I will read stories, I will even attempt to feed them.. But poop scooping is your duty.

WhereWasI circles the block ditching his pursuers and glares back at the evil woman,

Those were Fozzie's duties. Last time he had me "tuck the monkeys into bed" one of them lost a tail. Just switch the LHM rules he left behind with the RHM rules he left behind and pretend you can force me into my cage. Iocaste is incharge of that and being slapped in public duties now. Few have succeeded in getting me in my cage since yesterday. I'd like to see you try!

Also, I scoop no animal's poop! Down with the Scouse Lord! And Down with his new Maide who doesn't realize why I get locked in a cage at night!

WhereWasI slaps Iocaste, and then runs down the block seeing his pursuers finally figured out where he went.

She smiles and offers WWI a plate of cookies and a glass of milk.

Here you go my dear.. I know that after all of your hard work you could use a bit of nourishment. Please, go and recharge your batteries...

They are fresh out of the oven and baked especially for you.

She waves the plate under the weary WWI's nose and places it and the milk in his cage at the foot of the bed.

Hush now, PJ is trying to sleep and I'd love to catch a few winks myself before he hogs the blankets. Eat a few cookies, drink your milk and let us sleep...

I'll even read you a story.

(OOC: The following is an excerpt from a story called Go the Fuck to Sleep written by Adam Mansbach. You can find Samuel L. Jackson's around too.)

In a gentle soothing voice she looks at WWI and begins to recite her favourite tale as he eats his cookies and drinks his milk laying quietly in his cage.

The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dear
Please go the fuck to sleep.

WhereWasI approaches the cookies slowly, the aroma was enticing.

Those smell delicious, I don't know if I can trust you.

WhereWasI smells them again,

Maybe one night in the cage wouldn't be so bad...

All of the sudden a pack of monkeys stormed in and stole the cookies. WhereWasI was furious and took out his gun and screamed,

You Evil Bastards!!!

While aiming at the monkey, he realized that he would be shooting at his bed. He put his gun away and grabbed a nearby hubcap and took off. Surely enough the monkeys followed so he ran down the block to get away from them. He eventually gave them the slip and returned with MidnightQueen's plate.

You better be careful where you lure those monkeys next time! Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to sneak enough hay past PJ to make a bed?!? It took months!!!

She gathers some cushions that PJ had thrown on the floor and makes a fresh bed in WWI's cage and provides another glass of milk and another plate of cookies.

Now, now dear... Make yourself comfortable on your new bed. Don't worry about PJ, I'm redecorating this room anyway. You can have those pillows..

She holds out a warm blanket made from the softest of wools..

My mother knit me this.. I want you to have it..

She searches the room top to bottom, under beds, in closets, behind curtains, in dresser drawers for monkeys and when none are found she locks the windows and doors so none can disturb WWI.

Shall I continue the story?

She tucks WWI into his new and improved bed and continues to read in a soothing and gentle voice.

The windows are dark in the town, child.
The whales huddle down in the deep.
I'll read you one very last book if you swear
You'll go the fuck to sleep.

WhereWasI smiles,

Nice try, but one of those monkeys threw poop at me and there's still a little stuck to my collar. I can't smell anything but that! As for the pillows, I've grow accustomed to my bed of hay and those things would just get in the way it's a very small space.

WhereWasI sees the Scouse blacked out, wipes the poop off his collar with a napkin and wipes it under the Scouse's nose. He then turns, bolts towards the door but stops to say,

I am the one who will be taking this fort! You can put whatever girly things you want in it, but I will always be the one destined to take this fort! These monkeys are a scourge forced upon the earth and I will kill them all! Now good day to you, tell PJ to pick me up at the station I'm feeling like finishing my average day. Just tell him that and he'll know where to pick me up.

WhereWasI runs out into the streets of Las Vegas to cause his usual nightly havoc and destruction.