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[FaLL] - I hate Matt Started by: TonyTheTailor on Sep 24, '25 19:11
Brooklyn HQ was alive that night, cigars burning, whisky glasses half-full, and everyone in stitches for the same reason: Matt. He sat there red-faced, trying to look important, while the room took turns cutting him down.

Beluga smirked first. “Look at him, lads. The Sniper’s Nightmare. One leg smaller than the other. Whole body’s lopsided.”

Nike chimed in, “Sniper’s Nightmare? He’s more like 18 Months. Bloke’s only got an ear and a half. Can’t hear trouble coming if it slapped him.”

Minaxi didn’t hold back. “I’ll do you one better. Drill Bit. Small, boring tool.”

The room roared. Then came more. Someone shouted, “The Clock!” and pointed at Matt’s hands. One big, one small.

And of course, OldMan shouted "Oozy", short for “Oozy Looking At” because his cross-eyes couldn’t agree on which way was forward.

Matt just sat there, ginger head glowing like a streetlamp, grumbling in his thick Glaswegian patter that nobody understood. Half the room thought he was threatening us in code. Truth was, he was asking for an Irn-Bru.

A week later we learned the hard way these nicknames weren’t just jokes. He was our lookout for a shipment job. The rest of us moved sharp, coats flapping, boots quiet on the cobbles. Matt? He stared down a dustbin, convinced it was undercover. When the coppers finally arrived, he didn’t warn us, just shouted at the bin.

The chase was worse. We sprinted clean down the block. Matt tried, but with one leg shorter than the other he just spun himself in circles, turning the street into his own personal roundabout while the police bent over laughing.

That’s Matt. Sniper’s Nightmare. Oozy. 18 Months. Drill Bit. The Clock. Ginger, paranoid, incomprehensible, and cursed with more deformities than sense. The Family didn’t fall because of the Feds, Rico or rivals. It fell because we let him in.

The day Matt joined was the day the Mafia ended.
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Nike took Matt half ear out of his wallet and started chewing on it in front of TonyTheTailor

The problem was Nike didn't have any clothes on as he had just been doing a photoshoot for his boss, Spicoli so the shock wasn't the half an ear, more so that Nike had a tattoo on his butt of a Nike tick

 

TonyTheTailor was amazed, what a big tick you have he shouted

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