Dice tumble on velvet tops and bang against acacia rims, somewhere off the side of the road. The clatter of plastic against one another, and a low rumble as they roll and eventually lie still in a scattered group. The solitary table, with a single occupied chair by its side, creaks under the weight of the slim individual perched in the seat and sits otherwise inert amongst the discarded cigar butts and gum wrappings on the rough stone floor. The man in the seat is tall and thin, his build resembling something akin to a table leg or perhaps a small bundle of tooth picks, and his sunken face accentuated by the dim glow of candles on the outer edge of the table. His eyes, sharp and silver, flick up towards a newcomer.

"Welcome.. to Antimony's Testimonies On All Things Dice."

He snatches up the dice on the table, trimmed fingernails scraping lightly over smooth velvet.

"Dice are simple. They have values one through a thousand, and they're rolled by the dealer, me; let's call them DK, for "thousand-sided die", you following? I'm here to tell how to get rich off of these bastards." He throws a set of dice onto the table, which are yellowed and marred like the teeth of an old man after a lifetime of alcohol and smoking. "There are games to play, that's how you make money, y'know? they won't sell cocaine and make money for you that way. You bet on 'em, nincompoops. Tops, Swap, High/Low, Even/Odd. Those are the four primary games, you know how to play?" He squints at additional newcomers as they fall into a hush. He snorts. "Figured you wouldn't. Let's start from the Top, 'ey?

"Tops: a DK is rolled, and whoever has the higher number between you and the dealer (or the House, in finer establishments) wins the bet amount.

"Swap: a number is rolled between one and the bet amount; whatever you roll is what you pay your opponent, and vice versa.

"High/Low: a DK is rolled; High roll is 501-1000, low roll is 1-5000. Guess right and you win the betted amount. Guess wrong, and you roll straight to Hell.

"Even/Odd: a DK is rolled, and you have to guess if it's even or odd. Guess right and you get the cash, blah blah blah. You still with me?"

He coughs out a frumious cloud of stale tobacco smoke from a pipe that manifested itself between his cracked lips. After hacking for a moment, he continued.

"Now, how do you get rich? bet on everything? throw all your money into the highest bet amount? NO!" He emphatically slams the table, startling the crowd. "That's the sure path to poverty. POVERTY!!!

"There are four rules to betting on dice that will maximize your earnings and reduce your losses, so to speak:

"One, don't bet unless you have a minimum of $100,000, unless you are stupid lucky and, well, stupid.

"Two, never bet everything you have; keep more than half safe inside your bank, hey?

"Three, bet cautiously; bets are set at certain amounts, $10k, $25k, $50k, $100k, you get it. If you have enough for a $10k bet, don't bet. If you have enough for a $25k bet, bet on the $10k. If you have enough for the $50k bet, bet on the $25k. You can figure out the rest, right?

(Laborious puffing)

"Four, continuously stash your money. If you start winning, put some away. Just won a bet and have $250k? Put $150k (or more) away, it's not going anywhere. Got $100k? put half back in your bank and bet on something SMALL.

"Five, don't jinx yourself. And don't squander all your money on betting, either. That's six, I guess. Keep this up until you have millions, but for God's sake don't bother betting on more than the $50k. That's seven."

Antimony took another drag of his pipe and coughed vehemently into the thin crook of his arm, and the smoke billowed out like dust from off a Charlie Chaplin set. After wiping his eyes, he puffed again and looked at the crowd. "What are you still doing here?? GIT OUT!!!" The crowd shuffled on, murmuring to themselves about the validity of the man's methodology, some questioning the "crazy bastard's" sanity and wondered if he didn't belong in a almshouse.

Truely the best way to dice is to bet TonyTheTailor, and when you beat him into the ground, bet all your winnings. This way if you lose, youve really only lost Tony's money. No real loss there friends!