Comrade Nikolai, and his right hand Transistor stepped out of his HQ. Nikolai pulled his ushankas a little tighter against the winter wind. He looked up at the golden Ushanka on top of the HQ, and the men stationed there to keep it free of snow, and shining bright. With a grin he and Transistor made their way to their destination. He was meant to meet up with fellow comrades Megan, OdinProtsent and Milk. They were all supposed to help Milk pick out a Christmas gift for Comradefather TonyTheTailor. Leave it to Milk to wait until the last minute to do his Christmas shopping. Nikolai had his gift for TonyTheTailor for a month already. He had ordered a mated pair of Russian grizzlies straight from the Motherland. Nikolai had Transistor looking after them until it was time to gift them. 
 

As they approached the department store inside the South Philly outpost, he noticed that Megan and OdinProtsent had already arrived. Milk, of course, seemed to be running late. 
 

“Has anyone heard from Milkov? How is he late when he asked us to be here to help him out?”

The comrades waited for half an hour for the milk carton shaped man to finally make his appearance. Being oblivious to the nuisance he is, as usual, Milk was strolling down the street like it was any other day, and he had no where to be. Nikolai remembered thinking how silly he looked with three hats stacked on top of each other. He looked in the nearby window to make sure his two were still straight. He looked rather dapper with his two ushankas. He looked to his fellow comrades, ushankas in tow, and they had impatient looks on their face. It was always this way when things were planned with Milk. 

“Comrade Milkov! Where have you been? We’ve been waiting for you. Do you even have any idea what gift you want to get the Comradefather?”

Odinprotsent leaned closer and whispered to Octavius, quietly pointing out how Megan kept scanning the shelves with unusual interest. She moved slowly from aisle to aisle, fingers brushing over items she never picked up, never placing anything in her basket. It was clear she wasn’t there to shop.

Megan caught her reflection in the glass of a freezer door and chuckled softly to herself. Got ’em, she thought. They’re going to be so surprised when I give them all their gifts. She forced herself to look casual, even though excitement buzzed beneath her calm expression.

The truth was, Megan had been planning this for months. Late at night, when the rest of the group gathered to unwind, she often seemed distant and preoccupied. Some of the comrades noticed, whispering theories among themselves, but none of them guessed the real reason. Megan wasn’t pulling away, she was working tirelessly. Every detail mattered. She wanted this to be perfect.

This wasn’t just any gift. For the holidays, Christmas, Chanukah, call it what you want, Megan had arranged a two-week trip to the motherland for all her comrades. Every expense was covered. Flights were booked under carefully chosen schedules, transfers aligned down to the minute, and hotels selected for both comfort and discretion. Nothing had been left to chance.

Behind the scenes, the plan went even deeper. Megan had secretly arranged a meeting between PH ComradeFather tonythetailor and several influential heads of comrade families back in the motherland. Coordinating their availability alone had taken weeks of late-night messages and encrypted calls. It was risky, but necessary.

Her goal was clear. Megan wanted to establish a new line of South American import products. It was something bold, something that would strengthen their position. She knew it would resonate deeply with Kapitan TonytheTailor as South-American produce was his personal favorite. It wasn’t just business; it was respect, loyalty, and vision wrapped into one carefully timed proposal.

All that remained was the reveal.

But of course, as always, the three-starred Hand of the family Milk was late. Probably sat at a local watering hole for too long.

Megan checked the time again, irritation flickering across her face. The surprise was supposed to be perfect. Tickets handed out with smiles, disbelief, and cheers. Now, if Milk didn’t show up soon, the entire plan would unravel. Instead of celebration, they’d be rushing bags together and sprinting for the airport.

She took a steady breath and reminded herself that chaos was part of any great operation. Still, she couldn’t help thinking that if this went wrong, it would be the one thing she couldn’t plan for.

Some surprises, after all, have a way of revealing themselves, whether you’re ready or not.

After wiping his mouth and staring out into the great abyss for what seemed like ages.

Sorry I was late comrades.  My.... uh... watch broke.  One of my dealers was skimming profits and I had to pay him a little visit and lost track of time.  

Comrade Milkov has always been terrible at giving gifts.  what do you give a man who has it all?  Milk already saw the marble bust that Comrade OdinProtsent had commissioned and the bears that Comrade Octavius got him. All great gifts and Mlikov started to sweat a bit.

Damnit, why do I always wait to the last minute to do this shit.  he thought.

Milkov looks around the store in what can be considered a daze only to hear Comrade Megan talking about the wonderful trip she had planned

Fuck, why didn't I think of that?

Milk sighs and continues to peruse some gold watches before getting distracted by the toy section and taking another swig of his flask.

Hmmmm, I know I have some contacts with access to Soviet arsenals.  THAT IS IT!  You guys are going to be so jealous of what I am going to get Comradefather Antinov.  

Milk walks over to the counter and demands to use the phone so he can call his boxer Ivan. 

"Listen comrade,  I need you to call your uncle in the Russian military.  No, I don't have time for that right now.  Wait, you're telling me she put what where?  Did you like it? No, no, no.  We are getting side tracked here."

Milk sighs and lights up a cigarette.

"Sir, you can't smoke in here!"

Milk glares at the sales associate and shouts "You're not my supervisor.  I smoke when and where I want"

"Okay, back to business.  you need to call your uncle and get your hands on 7 T-55 tanks for the comrades, 100 AK-47's, 3 MiG-3's and does he have access to Yak's? Yes? I will take 3 Yak-9's.  I assume the 25 barrels of vodka will be free.  No, you will not get a finders fee... not until you win the tournament."

Milk, now relived that he had the gifts covered thinks about how to sweeten the deal just a bit more. He dials another number and Mack picks up the phone.

"I know your cousin was Havana, do you have contacts in Havana?  I need 25 cases of Cuban cigars.  No, I don't care about the cost.  I just bought tanks. Just get it done.  Thank you, thank you. Keep those ears warm.  Talk soon."

Milk walks back to the comrades.  "You guys won't believe this, I got us... TANKS!"

Milk stares out the window daydreaming about terrorizing FatTony around South Philly in his tank, while smoking a fine cigar and drinking some of the finest vodka the Soviet Union has. 

milk walks back into the shop after hearing Antinov speak

Comrade, I literally just bought you a tank and some fighter jets... and now you want socks.

Nerd.