"Friends, I come here in honesty, saying forth the lineage that I come from in the earnest hope that my friends and comrades in the Competitive Writing Community, as well as the vast number of you whose lineages have been in receipt of a Kuku kindness can help me right a wrong.

I invited a fine man, named Arco, to join me in an organised crime.  Whilst waiting to pull that job off, I invited him to pick my pocket.  He did, and in the traditions of the city of Detroit, I mugged him, obtaining $189m.  Understandably, he asked for it back.  Equally understandably, I explained that we are a mug insistent city and that I simply couldn't just return the money.

I came up with a plan - I said 'Arco, loan me a "Transistor" - that is, $80m, and I'll pay you $269m back.  Arco, like the good man he is, agreed and loaned me the money.  And this is where things came a bit unstuck...

See, I wanted to give Arco back all of his money, and then some, so I went to the dice table.  Sadly, I lost it all, and haven't been able to pay him back.  So upset has this made some people that Nightfall placed a hit on me, one that thankfully went unpunished.

So, this is me, Kuku, asking YOU to dig deep.  Donate what you can so that I can pay Arco back.  But before that, we're going to have a huge writing competition.  So I'm asking for you to donate, big, so we can get some HUGE prizes for the contest, and then give Arco the profit.

Finally, I'd like to announce that it's OK to shoot my BGs, if you send me $80m in advance.  This will go towards the contest to pay Arco back.

I'd like to think my boss, LittleSi, for her sterling support, and for not demanding that Nightfall was shot in the face for placing a hit on me.

Please donate to Oceanic so that he can finally repay his debt to me of $113,525.00, and then do not send him any more money. This man does not understand how interest accrues. The dept was originally only $500,000 but, well, he simply refused to pay it back and with compounding interest and no payments, it gets out of hand pretty quickly.

Do not enable him. In fact, don't even send him the money. Send it to me instead and I will reduce his debt in my ledger and send you a receipt. The receipt is even good for one free drink at big_jason bar in Chicago. (Take it off my tab, Big J)

Jez glances up from planting yet another glitter bomb and shakes her head.

"So, When one of my folks picked your pocket and walked off with the money, you come to me and demand he pay you back... but when you do it, you go dicing with it? Sounds fishy to me."

Jezabel, what in the Hell are you talking about?

What? You don't remember Messaging me about how Orbit picked your pockets and you needed the 500$s back ASAP? Was a bit back, for sure, but it's the only reason I even recognize your name.

Who is Orbit?  Why would I care about $500 when I'm a billionaire?

Look at TonyTheTailor - what a tragic zek

This might be the worst thing I have ever heard

look at Oceanic begging for money - what a tragic neckbeard 

I was mentioned. Interesting.
 

Yes, when you placed a hit on me, Nightfall, without even hiding your identity, and then, terrified of the truth, blocked me.

Rather sad, all in all.

Who is Orbit?  Why would I care about $500 when I'm a billionaire?
Reply by: Oceanic 

No.. You're a beggar and now You're dead. RIP.

Shrugs

Am I too late to donate to the cause?

This sure was an interesting read.