Esteemed Ladies, Gentlemen, and those currently facedown on their desks,

It has come to my professional attention that our glorious criminal empire experiences a most fascinating phenomenon each morning.

At a certain hour, just before the sun stretches its legs our fair streets fall into disarray and forget how to function.

Young hopefuls roam the sidewalks clutching envelopes, staring into the abyss like war orphans.
Opportunities drift unattended.
Certain individuals discover they are suddenly far braver than usual.

And the rest of us wake to find the underworld has apparently been left to run by pigeons.

It is chaos.

Absolute and tragic chaos.

One might assume a criminal organization would operate around the clock. Instead, we seem to observe a sacred window in which responsibility evaporates and the machinery of ambition politely waits for someone to finish their beauty sleep.

I refuse to accept that our empire must rely on well rested gentlemen.

As such, I am considering the recruitment of three or perhaps four distinguished insomniacs who possess:

• A deep mistrust of sleep

• A fondness for staring at walls at 4am

• A liver strong enough to withstand industrial quantities of coffee

• The ability to remain upright while the rest of the city has surrendered to their mattresses

Your duties would include:

• Being conspicuously awake when others are not

• Greeting eager young faces before they lose hope and take up honest employment

• Preventing certain “temporary power vacuums” that seem to appear with remarkable punctuality each dawn

Benefits include:

• Gainful employment

• The satisfaction of knowing the place does not descend into administrative purgatory before breakfast

• My eternal gratitude (redeemable for absolutely nothing tangible)

Let us prove that organized crime can, in fact, remain organized for more than eighteen consecutive hours.

Applicants who enjoy insomnia, paranoia and have never once described themselves as “temporarily unavailable” at an inconvenient hour are encouraged to apply.

Yours respectfully

Matt

As a lowly Earner in this world of ours, I hope that you find such insomniacs for the job. Perhaps you could include a couple of dollars for all that coffee consumption they will need into the benefits? 

In the spirit of a true Crewleader masterclass I will throw my esteemed RHM TextBasedMafiaRPGMan under the bus for not being present overnight. Rest assured, I will beat him and Milkboard him until the morale and performance improves.

To our Lowly Earner with financial foresight, ZoyechkaBelikov,

Your concern for the coffee budget is both touching and fiscally irresponsible. Naturally, the insomniacs will receive a highly competitive benefits package consisting of

• Unlimited exposure to fluorescent lighting

• Access to the “Mug of Questionable Cleanliness” in the break room

• And a generous reimbursement plan of up to $0.37 per gallon of coffee (pending three forms and a blood oath)

I may even consider upgrading them to name brand caffeine instead of whatever it is I've been siphoning from the mechanics garage next door.

EIkmilk, Your willingness to publicly sacrifice your RHM is exactly the leadership energy we need.

Please ensure the milk boarding is conducted humanely and that performance reviews include phrases such as "Shows promise when conscious".

If morale improves, I expect a full report. If it doesn’t, I assume you will simply replace him with a decorative houseplant that at least remains upright overnight.

To WaltDisney and our vigilant friends in Las Vegas, I commend your city’s noble crusade against sleep.

It is reassuring to know that somewhere in this vast criminal ecosystem, there are individuals bravely staring at slot machines at 4am, whispering, “Not on my damn watch.”

Yours in sleepless solidarity

Matt

Grabs two coffee pots and gets to grinding some beans and heating the water. Soon, the coffee is prepared. He pours a cup for the Right Hand Man of his family @TextBasedMafiaMan. He then makes his way around the room pouring cups for everyone in need of a pick-me-up. Many people show their appreciation for the fresh coffee by giving him tips. Once everyone has had their fill, he leaves and drops all the tips he made off at the orphanage down the street before going to bed

SteveHarrington I find it very impressive that no matter how much your looks try to betray you, deep down you’re still the exact same person.

Matt you and your regime have failed.

Rebuild is everywhere and you're to blame. 

Hand over your Honk to me so I can honk him relentlessly and please retire to the old country.

First of all, let’s get one thing straight @EIkmilk, my regime didn’t fail, it simply evolved beyond your understanding.

I accept zero responsibility, deny all allegations and will not be retiring anywhereold country or otherwise.

As for my Honk, absolutely not. He's a protected asset, not some community bicycle you can ‘honk relentlessly’ and quite frankly, I don’t trust your honking credentials.

Enjoy being honkless.