After a couple of glum days, Buddy needing cheering up - so he scooted down to the streets to get hold of the latest trashy tabloid. On the front cover it read - 'HOT or NOT'. Intrigued, he bought a copy…

Retiring - HOT!

While this writer didn’t know SucculentChineseMeal well, his honourable death seems to have started a trend. Since his departure from this world there have been no fewer than 18 further retirements! (Correct at the time of this issue going to print). Do they just miss the old country? Or do they know something we don't know?

We tried interviewing a couple of the individuals involved, but as yet no one has returned out calls. If anyone knows of a good psychic medium then we will happily pay below market rates to secure their skills.

This reporter definitely sees retiring as HOT!

Being called Mat[t[y]] - NOT!

Every which way I see Matts, “here there and everywhere…would the real Matt please stand up”

At the coffee shop I was served by BaristaMatt, in my shadow I am followed by BuddyBigMatt. In the speakeasy DrunkMatt tried punching me in the face but swung and knocked LongLeggedMatt to the floor. Even Matt’s alleged murderer PropertyMattager is getting in on the act.

Is it Matty or Mat I should vent my frustrations to? Or both? Or neither?

Even the Durden gang is getting involved with MathewSAVAGES (one ‘T’), MatthewKiel and MatthewMinaxi, but at least someone has already murdered MatthewSAVAGES (two ‘T’s) and MattSAVAGES.

Make it stop!

This reporter definitely sees the Mat[t[y]] epidemic as NOT!

Not taking pros when people are definitely trying to kill you - HOT!

MichaelHaller has slept through more wars than you’ve had hot meals. He ain’t waking up from this one.

BellaBrusca got to LV, saw she couldn’t leave for six hours and chose a quick death rather than take a pro. Who can blame her? Or him? I don't even know anymore

Pros are for average Joes. Real G’s get their beauty sleep.

Not taking a pro when there are tens of disgruntled gangsters with guns for hire online - HOT!

Detroit - NOT!

Imagine being Godfather in Detroit, stepping down and moving to the sunnier climes of LA for semi-retirement and then grinding back to 60 units just to move back to shitty Detroit and the odor of the 12th street toilets.

Seems an odd decision making process.

Then imagine you couldn’t even fill your HQ and make Godfather!

Introducing…TheNewGuy!

And that's before mentioning that Reggie's Belle Blue Suite is just up the road...

Detroit….NOT!

What else are we missing? Readers are encourages to rate what is HOT and what is NOT!

Hi, my name is, huh? My name is, what?

My name is, who?

My name is, chka-chka, Mat.

I want to make it clear to everyone that I am the real Mat. Son to the former GFC of the great city of Philadelphia. To anyone that knew my father and would like to contribute towards paying my bodyguards wages, please send all money to me immediately.

There are a lot of paid actors and imposters out there, and I for one am sick of it. My father didn’t spend six months sleeping, doing absolutely fuck all, only to finally start participating in this thing of ours to then get shot by the bloke that sorted his property tax… just for this fine name to be dragged through the mud by a bunch of knock-offs.

So let’s have it right. There is one Mat. Me. 

Fuck Matty

Hot - Bread. Orange Beards.

Not - Impostors!

I get it Mat, that beard is your birthright - but your attempt to wriggle out of handing over to me, by hiding behind the great Matty will not work. Your father Tony promised it to my father Mustard... so drop the act and hand over that hirstue hereditary heirloom. honk!

HOT – Originality.
NOT – Budget knockoffs with identity issues.

BuddyBigPaw I don’t see the issue here, if anything, a flood of Matts is just a reflection of high standards. When people start copying you this much, it’s less an epidemic and more a compliment. Not everyone can set the bar like this.

Mat The real Matt would never have been seen dead in Los Angeles. Everyone can see straight through these feeble attempt and let’s be honest, no one is stupid enough to be sending you money.

But if anyone is feeling generous, I’ll take it.

Ha, Honk cheers for that, just proving my point really.

I would like it on record that I knew Matt very well and had known him my entire life. A long, painful, boring life made all the more boring by knowing Matt. 

I would like the real descendent of Matt to come forward and identify him/herself. I will require proof. 

In all seriousness, there have been a number of generations of my family that have been involved in this world, over a reasonable length of time. Never do we see a mobster build themselves up to Godfather-Chairman of their own city, continuing to make real inroads, prosperity for their city members and keep the excitement up as they do so. Matt was no exception. 

The Great Enricho has come to say the Mattagedon was a final act of Chairman Matt! I am sure of it.

However, could we please acknowledge that stealing my beer money with a mask on is a NOT?

and

Mugging to show dominance is HOT?!

HOT? Making fun and threatening to shoot my dearest PropertyManager. He is quite the target honestly, slightly protected, probably 4000 kills (For any of you handsome rogues out there). He also shot my friend Matt in cold blood.

NOT? Shooting at my forts. Please stop guys, I'm poor and this is costing me a lot of money. Really guys please this isn't funny anymore.