Let me regale you with this very terrifying and very real tale that will make it obvious why we have set up here today in the South Side.

A few days ago I was in Paradise going diligently about my mafia duties, existing happily as the loyal and upstanding mafia member that I am who has never done anything to anyone that would justify being taxed. It was a beautiful day, as it often is in Paradise and the weather was favorable, so I decided I'd see who else was around for a little heist. Mint_Royale, DaveGoggins and The_Watcher. No better team to stick up a gallery with. We'd meet up at the usual place, charge in, have some fun and get some loot. Or so I thought.

On my way to the meeting point I passed by an old lady and of course I snatched her purse.

Success! You grabbed yourself $284. When it comes time, be sure to add $28 into your envelope for Shaggs.

An easy lick but something was off. I thought I had seen something. For a just a moment. A ghastly specter. And It had whispered something diabolical in it's demonic tongue.

"When it comes time, be sure to add $28 into your envelope for Shaggs."

I had, of course, herd whispers of some foul and dark practices going on in other parts of the country but had always thought to myself that such fiendish things would never happen here in Paradise. So I carried on, a little shaken, but still ready to take down a gallery with my mafia friends.

But when I got there I could tell that there was something off with the gang.

"I think someone might be trying to tax us."

"Really? In Paradise?"

"He's right. I herd it too. There's no mistaking that sound. It's an envelope errand ghoul."

"There's no way anyone in Paradise would ever employ such evil forces. Let's just do this thing and get out of here."

You earned $206,338 with the Interlude Gang for the crime Steal from an art gallery.

When it comes time, be sure to add $20,633 into your envelope for Shaggs.

"Shit you were right. Someone is definitely trying to tax us. What do we do?"

"Simon said to try take a Payday."

be sure to add $20,633 into your envelope

"It's not working!"

be sure to add $20,633 into your envelope

"We have to get out of here. Run!"

"But what about the others? Everyone else in Paradise. We can't just leave them behind."

"It's too late for them.... They've been taxed."

"He's right. Caveman's set up in Chicago. It might be far away enough, maybe we can be safe there".

And that is why have fled set up here in the South Side. We will make it a place free from any sort of domineering tax practices.

A place where mafia men and women are free to plan their crimes, sell their drugs, pour their whiskey and smoke their cigars without being haunted by an envelope chasing entity.  

A place where they will be free to indulge in Mafias most beloved and sacred pastime; giving their Don (me) money, voluntarily, so that they may remain in good favor.

A tax free Paradise.