Hello everyone. I’ve been asked a very important question just a little while ago. A very important member of mine simply asked “Can we kill new Chicago”. It almost didn’t even register to me. Kill them? Caveman? Interlude? Oh my. Can we? Of course we can. My friend DuchessDingleberry  loves getting asked “Can”. So yes, we absolutely can!

But should we? Now that is the real question here at hand. After talking to myself and pacing around, I had people ask me if I was okay, and if I needed help and honestly? Maybe I do need help. I kept reviewing the letter handed to me by an anonymous member of my family.

To: Yankee
From: PropertyManager (Name redacted)
Sent: Apr 23, '26 21:50
Subject: 

 

Can we wipe new Chi?

I was still in shock over it all. I honestly thought about it for some time and then realized.. It likely wasn’t possible for one very strong reason.. DaveGoggins

To: PropertyManager
From: Yankee
Sent: Apr 23, '26 21:50
Subject: 

 

DaveGoggins is too strong sorry

I fear that DaveGoggins himself is just too HARD and too powerful. How can a man such as myself, a Duke with a strong Royal family, compare to a man of his size and stature? I just couldn’t think of how we could even overcome such a thing.

He thought maybe he could send in his super secret cap killer who NO ONE truly knew about. The man had a Godfather Chairman kill under his belt and many were none the wiser. The man.. He had killed Philadelphia headman, Matt, in cold, cold blood some time ago, right under the nose of Los Angeles strongman BuddyBigPaw and now Chicago Prince, Interlude.

That man? PROPERTYMANAGER. Yes, that very one. Yes, it is true, he has 5000 kills and will refresh for weeks on end. Perhaps he is a threat to Chicago? To New York? Even to DaveGoggins? Yes, he could be.  This is a friendly discussion on whether or not I unleash Property “Matt Killer” Manager to possibly fight DaveDoggins 1v1. It would be like David (Goggins) versus Goliath. I think if there is a rogue out there, you should shoot PropertyManager first because he is the biggest threat to you, me, and perhaps even the community at large.

As I began to clean up my study, I found a final letter addressed to me from this anonymous man. 

To: Yankee
From: PropertyManager
Sent: Apr 23, '26 21:50
Subject: 

Hes short fat and bald

The Great Enricho does not believe in slaying our fellow mafioso for no reason! These are quite strong suggestions, Good Sir Yankee! I will try my best not to speak past my position, but after all of the bloodshed these past few weeks, doesn't everyone think it's time to move forward? Stash the guns for a while. Obtain some nice art pieces and maybe have peace among these lands for a change?

The Great Enricho may be too hopeful for this peace, but after the recent disenfranchisement of Chicago, I would like to see us grow our alliances once again! The Great Enricho believes in every one of us!

I hope my thoughts on this matter help stave off future bloodshed, or at least bloodshed without proper reason and approvals.

Have fun my friends!

If an anonymous source claimed you were short, fat and bald what would you do Enricho? What could you do? It is basically akin to slaughter. Perhaps even murder in the highest degree. Whoever this anonymous letter is, should we let Goggins put him down like the dog he is?

It's truly a dilemma and a tough decision, but I think perhaps we should allow such a thing? I wonder what mr Goggins thinks.

The Great Enricho believes that a good beat down would suffice for such demoralizing words to such a renoun man as DavidGoggins! However, it does not seem to be the first of those types of words used by this anonymous individual. Perhaps only Mr. Goggins would have the proper opinion as it is his name being sullied!

The Great Enricho does believe in just punishments, but only if it can be proved without a shadow of a doubt who is at fault. Otherwise, we truly are shooting in the dark.

Buddy pondered the question for the moment, rubbing his fingers in his pocket against a small slip of paper he’d been handed. On it it read:

Apr 12, 09:11:45    You witnessed e*pr*tyon**erma WACK Matt

It almost made him sick to admit it, but here in this information lay true power. Leverage over the finest gun our shores have seen in many a year, if ever.

But kill new Chicago? Well there’s a question. I mean eventually, obviously. But the timing would need to be right. Based on Buddy’s calculations Caveman’s HQ should be exploding any day now. That would simplify matters. An even fight to the death between these so called David and Goliath characters to rid us of Shitcago once and for all.

PropertyManager is a menace to society. He's already killed a Godfather, and now just one day into a new set up and he's already begging to destroy another city. When will it end? I fear his influence will lead to the death of us all. We really need to get him that penis-enlargening surgery or his violent inferiority complex is just going to get worse. 

Friends, I assure you this wasn't a spur of the moment decision in response to any single event, as can often be the case, it was more the outcome of a review of the "big mafia cinematic universe". 

Having recently lost multitudes of Godfathers and Chicago families, those of us remaining need to reevaluate our stance and how we slot into the Jigsaw of Mafia America. I glanced around and found buddies and pals, long term acquaintances and lovers, and then... Goggins. Chicago. PropertyUpKeep man who I keep getting confused for. I know nothing about these people. Not a single conversation worth noting with any of them

They are the odd one out. They must be purged killed like Matt. 

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” - LittleSi shortly before he died to a rogue, the 17th time for his bloodline.

I think LonelyWolf is totally correct to point out that we have already had too much bloodshed in Chicago recently and we must learn from it.

Based on the insightful discussion after the previous shootings in Chicago I have a simple suggestion: Let's send a letter to every member of the Chicago leadership saying “We don't know or trust you and are actively looking for solutions.”

Perhaps we can also gather all of our most experienced made men at the same time and send them to Chicago for discussions. I feel very confident this would calm everyone down.

That's a very good plan, Soseki. In order to maintain the illusion of equal standing, we'll want to send our shortest, fattest, baldest made guy to treat with Goggins, so I would propose DetroitSimon himself make the journey. 

I see we have had some really good discussion on this topic. I was hoping to see mr Goggins here, but perhaps he is scared of PropertyManager? It would make sense since you know.. PM is the killer of Chairman, let alone a RHM.

Yes, I think Soseki has a very fair point here. Perhaps we can send PM down to Chicago for a sitdown with Goggins and even perhaps Simon?

If only there was a man in the world that could facilitate a sitdown between multiple people...

If you want a sit down then you need to DEMAND a sit down, that’s how sit downs work.

If only that bloodthirsty tyrant Monarch hadn’t murdered the great mediator in cold blood.

That is reasonable. Perhaps we can see a return of a certain mediator? Can he show himself?

Can we all be friends? Can PropertyManager and DaveGoggins be friends again? These are all great questions we ask ourselves.

What is the question of money?

A sweaty Big Davey G appears. Sorry nerds, I was a little busy hitting a short 100km run. You now have my FULL ATTENTION. 

“Alright, alright, I see what’s going on here. You think PropertyManager is some kind of boogeyman just because he’s taken out a Godfather? You think that makes him a real big dog? 

Let me tell you something: I’m out here running 100 kilometers a day, pushing my body past the edge, while that noodle armed freak is out here throwing insults around. To be clear PropertyManager is much too soft to handle my grind.

A Godfather Kill? That’s cute. But let’s talk about reality, not some freak accident. I’ve been through hell. I’ve seen pain in every form, I’ve stared it down in the darkest corners of this world (The 12th Street Bathroom), and I didn’t flinch. If Shaggs deporting me to Shit-cago can’t break me, nothing will. Let me make it clear… PropertyManager’s kill count doesn’t mean shit to me.

You think I’m worried about some noodle armed dork who doesn’t even lift? Nah. Big Davey G doesn’t back down. Not for PropertyManager, not for anyone. It’s not about what you’ve done in the past, it’s about what you’re willing to do right now. And right now? Right now I am strong! (Some would say too strong!) 

This dweeb might’ve killed a Godfather, but Big Davey G will take on anyone, anytime, anywhere. You can’t kill hard, and that’s something PropertyManager will never understand. When faced with me, he’ll run away faster than his hairline, and that’s saying something.

If PropertyManager wants me? Fine. I’m ready. I’ve been ready. When it’s over, he’ll be the one who regrets stepping up to the man who never stops running, never stops grinding, never backs down.

I’m out here running 100 kilometres a day, putting in the work. And I’ll run right through anyone who stands in my way."

STAY HARD!
 

Bro, how much do you bench?

How much do I bench? Oh, you mean how much I bench for reps? 305 lbs. That’s right, 305, no sweat. And funny enough, that's also about how much DetroitSimon weighs in kilograms. If DickDickman were from New Dork my answer would have been 'I’ll bench your entire crew into the ground without breaking a sweat'.

NEW DORK? Come on, I feel we've heard that before. We keep Drieza's preserved corpse in one of our spare rooms in the family headquarters and there is a possibility we may have some kind of black magic witch or something bring him back to life, if only to call you a dork one time, before someone shoots him again.

I couldn't even tell you what a bench is, we here in New York are strong and powerful and don't need to rely on bodybuilding or running, we have property and funny accented people.

Surely even you, Davey G, would acknowledge the strength of Yankee.