The 13th.

Some people are superstitious about it. I'm not. Or I wasn't. I'm reconsidering.

Five miles into the pre-dawn run, some goober corrupt agent stepped into my path, this ruined my potential PR. That particular Corrupt Agent made the last bad decision of his life. I shot him in the face and kept moving. The watch didn't stop. That part was fine. Barely worth mentioning.

What came next was worth mentioning. Seven more of them. Would be assassins. Over the course of a single day, the universe sent seven corrupt agents at BigDaveyG, death pellets galore flying all over the place. Presumably expecting a different outcome each time. These nerds will never take down Big Dave & I am seriously considering sending the six able bodied men we have in Shitcago Chicago to war with the whole damn lot of them. I'm still here. That's the whole point. That's the only point.

Then there's DickDickman. I spotted him going for my pocket. My pocket. And I want to be very clear that what followed was never about the money. He didn’t get any money. But that's not the point. The point is principle.

I chased him. Across multiple cities, on private flights that cost more than I care to admit to anyone who cares about finances, which I do not, because money is temporary and humiliation is apparently also temporary if you're DickDickman. By the time I tracked him down to Philadelphia I had a plan in place to corner him & kick the piss out of him. I go in full speed; he turns on his heels & he was already gone. Clean pair of heels.

Zoom. Vanished.

Here's the thing I did not expect to be saying, he is genuinely fast. Not trained fast. Not disciplined fast. Fast in the specific way that only becomes available to a person when literally everything in their body is screaming run away. Cowardice, it turns out, is a serious performance enhancer. He claims it's eating bear testicles. I'm not ruling it out but I'm also not giving him the satisfaction of believing it.

He'll be back. And I'll be waiting with a better plan and considerably less money to steal given the waste on private jet hire.

And then there's TextBasedMafiaRPGMan who much to my chagrin still draws breath. After the day I've had, feels almost ridiculous.

Let me paint you a picture of Texty’s day while mine was happening.

TBMRPGM woke up at a reasonable hour. In a bed. With sheets. He probably had something warm to eat without having to earn it with suffering. He sat down at a table, sat down, like a civilian and proceeded to win small, tidy amounts of money by playing blackjack. Disgusting! 

I got shot at seven times. Seven! I chased a man who eats bear reproductive organs across six cities and came back empty-handed and my bank balance millions lighter. I did all of this on a day that the calendar itself had marked as cursed.

The 13th broke some people today.

It tried its absolute level best to break me.

BUT IT DIDN’T

STAY HARD! 
 

The 13th broke some people today.

Today is the 14th.

Too much protein powder turned your brain into poo poo 

Seven attempts on my life and PropertyManager wants to get pedantic about which day it was. Goober I could barely tell you what month it is. That's not a weakness, that's what actual suffering does to a man. You wouldn't know.

Somewhere DetroitSimon is nodding along from his casino chair, absolutely delighted that this is the level of opposition I'm dealing with. That's how low the bar is right now. Even DuchessDingleberry looks competent by comparison. Nearly...

STAY HARD!

Dick shakes his head at the needless loss of life...

"His fate was written in stone the moment he (unsuccessfully) tried to mug me. Up until that point, Dave was brimming with confidence. All those questionable nutritional supplements made him believe he was the mightiest hero in mafiadom. He tried to step up to the top tier, and the fall was proportionately catastrophic. I've heard people say he started walking around in a catatonic state, like a zombie, eyes glazed over, simply muttering "Dick, Dick, Dick" under his breath."

"It must have drove him crazy. I've heard about this...suicide by cop. It's too bad that someone did not intervene. Maybe he just needed somebody to let him know they cared? A hug?  You're all terrible people."

The man took a walk on the wild side and paid the ultimate price. We all share one thing in common, we dodge every bullet except the last one. Rest in Peace my friend.