It's 2am. It's dark outside. I look over at my clock with the sudden realisation that there are literally hundreds and thousands of people out there getting wasted on cheap booze and generally having a much better time than me.

I rub my eyes, sigh, shake my head and get back on with it. Not because I'm better than them. And not because I'm some sad, locked-in loser either (although that is debatable.) You see, I don't need the usual distractions - booze, fun, women, daylight, other people, normal human society - all fade into obscurity. I care not for these things.

Why? Because I have stumbled upon the ancient art of Midget Throwing!

 We are organising an inter-family competition Midget Throwing to take place every Friday night, the winner gets the title of Grand Dwarf Tosser (sorry, its the best marketing could come up with in such a short time).

Sign up below, limited spaces, may the best tosser win.

Sweetums

Yayyy, you can't beat a good tossing of a midget!

I am in!

Father Jack awakes sitting in the curb to someone mentioning midget throwing

Midgets! fecking Midgets!

Now I have a few questions, will midgets be supplied or would I have to raid my basement? Also would it be male or female midgets as it's easier with the females as you can hold them like bowling balls.

I like your style, Jack.

Personally being vertically challanged myself I think i'll probably enter the contest as an object to be tossed, instead of being the tosser.

Let me know if you are short on volunteers, Sweetums.

always looking for victims to be tossed, erm, I mean volunteers :)

What about the art of tossing a midget off!... Im very partial to that sport, it can be very erotic, my old friend Mr Evil clown first introduced me into this a long while back, he has since relinquished his tossing arm, but im willing to carry on and keep the ancient art of tossing a midget off.

Maybe it could be in addition to your games, once they have been thrown, we can toss them off, i would imagine it wouldnt be too much for for the little guys to be thrown from pillar to post.

EvilClown is no longer allowed near midgets for that very reason.

The man is a menace to small people.

I'm very pleased that the masses have already recognized EvilClown's superior midget prowess. The only reason I've come here is to boast my families ringer for any such contest. Slash you say no longer allowed? I say, temporary retirement!

If midgets are involved you better beleive we'll be there!

we all need to be good to the "little people" otherwise there will be no tossing allowed...

what about spanking the midget, is that allowed?

easily confused with spanking the monkey..