To: BuddyBigPaw

From: Mint_Royale

Sent: Jul 06, '26 20:01

Subject: A competition coming tomorrow…

 

Does it involve shooting your BG’s? If it doesn’t you can take your competition and sling yer hook.

 

“Sling yer hook.” No idea what it means, must be a Northern dialect thing like calling bread a knob.

To: BuddyBigPaw

From: PropertyManager

Sent: Jul 06, '26 20:03

Subject: A competition coming tomorrow…

 

Can I shoot you

I mean I said yes to this like a month ago and you still haven’t done it. I guess you..‘can’t…?’

To: BuddyBigPaw

From: Elijah_Yoder

Sent: Jul 06, '26 21:14

Subject: A competition coming tomorrow…

 

For clarification, will there be a contest if someone shoots you, but misses? Or are you just going to be pissed off and cancel everything?

Not a gosh wouldn’t that be terrible, just a “do I till get credits?” No Elijah, no you don’t!

To: BuddyBigPaw

From: The_Watcher

Sent: Jul 07, '26 01:57

Subject: A competition coming tomorrow…

 

oddly specific time

Not very observant for a ‘watcher’. It’s my birthday! Keep up!

Well, it happened. Despite DetroitSimon’s promise to put me to sleep at 12:55 I have reached a milestone birthday.

Either he never really had the balls for it (high likelihood) or he missed (owing to my invincibility), or perhaps he just didn’t fancy all the paperwork (like a sagging flat roofed extension with inappropriate foundations covered with knotweed) - each equally plausible.

So congratulations me! A record breaking seven year run!

Seven years I hear you say? Yes, one human year but seven in dog years! Keep up…

So how to celebrate?

Well with the pickpocketing of old fogies!

No not me - I am unpickpocketable of course! (invincible etc, keep up!) and I add bags to society. No I mean the waste of spaces to my left when you scroll through the ‘who’s who’ of this thing of ours.

I have quite the sense of smell, and unfortunately old people’s pockets smell of must and expired coupons. There are far too many of these waste of space oldies remaining, adding nothing to society. Really they should be sent off live with a new family on a farm in the countryside/ ‘put out to pasture’ if you will. Sent to the glue factory if you won’t….

I am therefore placing a $1m bounty on the following pockets:

@Tangerine - orange doesn’t look good on old guys, time to cut off his fake tan supply at the source!

@Woot - didn’t even know this guy existed until just now, make them pay!

@RocknRollStaaaaar - No one writes songs about collecting a pension and a bus pass, real rock stars die young. Pay up!

@SlugFingers - I know old folk love a bit of gardening, but I don’t know why this guy does it with his bare fingers. Disgusting. His cash might need actual laundering!

@Dannboy2 - Son of the very successful Dannyboy1 of course (?). Time to intercept that inheritance!

@Christian - Bet he loves a good charitable collection on a Sunday, time to get your slice of that action!

@Monarch - still here, apparently. You’d think a monarch would have a few quid? Let’s ave it!

@Kes - he’s been passed around crews the way girls get passed around Reggie’s Belle Blue Suite! Probably has more bills in his pants than a ten dollar hooker!

@Domenico - At least one of his bosses knew he was clogging up the system when they demoted him!

@WaltDisney - Fired as my LHM for not understanding basic instructions on how to operate a communications device properly, past his best…hope you find more than a mouse in his pants!

@Santa - Some say he brings joy to the world, others say he gets kids to sit on his knee…do we really need this ‘contribution’ to society? Pick a gift from his wallet!

@EvilClown - 688 days old. 688. Probably hasn’t even generated $688 in tribute for poor Shaggs. For every dollar taken from his pocket I’ll match it dollar-for-dollar in tributes to his long suffering crew leader (assuming he graces us with his presence of course!)

I can’t help but notice that a disproportionate number of these guys seem to be employed by Richard-Harrow. Does he have a stash of Werthers Originals in his HQ or something?!

But Buddy! These guys are either IWP or about as active as a geriatrics love life! Very well, very well…I’ll also throw in a credit for pickpocketing anyone from Los Vegas too…

Now unfortunately I will be relying on your honesty in claiming these bounties - so I will be spot checking that each of the targets has a matching personal. If I catch anyone lying then I will personally shoot them in their big fat face.

Also, you can only claim a bounty on a single individual once! These old farts are equally deserving of your abuse, so please spread it around!

So to summarise (for those of you with the attention span of goldfish with Alzheimer’s):

Looks like I cut the summary short there…

So to summarise (for those of you with the attention span of goldfish with Alzheimer’s):

• A $1m bounty for pickpocketing any of the old men listed above for the next 24 hours only!
• Or one credit for pickpocketing anyone from LV
• And I’ll also chuck $10m to whoever gets the most from the list above (old guys, not the Los Vegas space wasters)

Happy hunting!

I'll quadruple the bounty on Evilclown. While I love the old man I can confirm that if he pops his head in today I will be shocked with surprise.

Congrats on a year you old fuck, I hope you have to live with the pure agony of making it to two years

What a tremendous occassion. To think of all the Simon's you've outlived, it's extraordinary. SimonTheSwanHunter, LittleSi, WebbedFeetSi, ShortFatSi, the list goes on. And good luck to anyone pickpocketing EvilClown. I hear he receives around-the-clock protection from a dangerous band of public toilet vagrants. PropertyManager used to be one of them, before Simon reformed him into a member of upper management. Must've smelled something he liked. 

I love antiques. I have my own collection of ancient artifacts that some may call members. I also consider them to be cannon fodder, or even to some, friends.

Happy birthday big dog. I'll see what can be done about these pockets..

Michael approached the crowd with no pants.

I know you’re probably wondering why im wearing no pants. I’ve learned a valuable lesson after my adventure to The Dog House. Matty warned me about keeping my hands in my pockets, that way no one would flip them inside out. So, I did. The entire time I had my hands on my pockets. Unfortunately when I left I found out I was only holding my underwear. Somehow, someway, my pockets were stolen from me while I was holding them.

The only solution to this, of course, is to wear no pants at all. I say all that to say this.

Happy Birthday BBP

I actually thought you were older than that, my vision must be fleeting in my old age.....

had to be patient but i caught a LV booger... there are so many non residents lurking in this city right now it was tough to not just go wild....

Happy one year old birthday buddybigpaw

Lv has not treated me well, respect is deserved for this one.....

happy birthday dogfart :)

Firstly congratulations on your anniversary, it's not many who make it a year active in this life of ours.

With that out of the way, your first thought when celebrating this anniversary is to have everyone steal from those older than you? That is so shameful & downright evil I can't help but applaud it.

Here's my contribution for your enjoyment of selling the elderly suffer.

Aaaaaaaand that’s time!

Please send me your personals, I’ll do some spot checking and ain’t to distribute prizes within 24 hours!

Big Baz had been scouring Los(er) Vegas for a victim. He spotted Kes staggering out of a casino. "Now is my chance for a sweet million dollars, think of all the Wetherspoons breakfasts that would buy"

As Big Bad Bazza was hyping himself up to do the deed, he is stunned when some fella with a balaclava bashes Kes on the head & lifts his wallet.

"Fucks sakes, back to the drawing board" 

Multiple hours looking for Vegas members were almost fruitless but Big Bad Bald Bazza hit a buzzer beater. 

"Happy Birthday BuddyBigPaw"

Based on the responses I’ve paid out the following rewards. Let me know if I’ve missed people!

	Jul 09, 10:13:02	You transferred 1.00 credits to Matty. The note "PP rewards" was included.
	Jul 09, 10:12:50	You transferred 10.00 credits to The_Watcher. The note "PP rewards" was included.
	Jul 09, 10:12:37	You transferred 4.00 credits to Mint_Royale. The note "PP rewards" was included.
	Jul 09, 10:12:19	You transferred 1.00 credits to Pspsps. The note "PP rewards" was included.
	Jul 09, 10:11:56	Your accountant has made payment of $2,000,000 to CleverlyDisguisedMan. The note "PP rewards" was included.
	Jul 09, 10:11:38	Your accountant has made payment of $14,000,000 to Keypunch. The note "PP rewards" was included.
	Jul 09, 10:11:20	Your accountant has made payment of $2,000,000 to Mint_Royale. The note "PP rewards" was included.

Thanks Boss! Just waiting on Shaggs to pay up now!