Friends and friendettes,

I have once again come to you with great news. 

On the blessed 14th day of July, in the year of our Lord 19X6, I have been given the divine gift of purchasing up to 60 units of drugs.

It has truly been one of the weeks of my life since that historical feat. People were screaming out of joy (Noone gave a shit). There were fireworks nonstop for 24 hours. I threw one jail lockdown on LA. I repeat, one and busted out almost all of them myself as I didn't tell anyone in the first place. Even the man, the myth, the legend Spike himself gave me the most heartfelt congratulations one can receive. He sent me a long message that consisted of one "!". It would bring tears to any grown man. I had planned to make a speech about it the day it happened but alas, here we are. 

Now you may ask, what does it truly take to reach these historical highs? I would normally direct you towards BuddyLamePaw as I have passed all of the responsibilities up until now (never die LamePaw), however, this historical feat, I shall take it upon myself to provide some information and illuminate you my dearest audience.

Now let's start with the most important stat:

Prowess: 145% (7 days later of doing fuckall)

People have constantly tried to throw dirt at me, come between me and my destiny of hitting 60 units. However, I've been through hell and back and passsed the average mobster out there by being almost another half better then them.

Prowess, my dear friends, in the words of our god himself is known as "a comparison of how you are doing against a very large history of people the same age as you."

Sorting by old fucks there is a total of:

478 Days old: 1 Person (Me)

505 Days old: 2 People (One of them is @Kes - forever at 5 units)

535 Days old: 1 Person

573 Days old: 1 Person 

However, going by the closest to me, I've really showed @Kes who's boss. No really, he's in my crew whether he knows about it or not.

However, as you can clearly see, I've beaten all the allegation and I'm way better than average. See that ma, I always told you I'd make it.

Item no. 2

If you take a look at --->>> The Chart <<<--- You will clearly see the gigantic, throbbing progress I've made from Day 100 onwards. Take that.

Monarch: 2

Average User: 0

So, 55 units of hard work, nights of no sleep, going through war after war and we finally got it. 

55 units at 470 days.

~8.5 days per unit. 

Studies have been conducted and have shown that this is the best time for someone to move units. Just a bit over a week and not too long to make it two weeks. The Golden Ratio. Enough days off to enjoy yourself. 

Item no. 3

A shitload of jails, fort attacks, petties, felonies, organized crimes and hopes and dreams.

That about sums up the whole journey.

Amazing, isn't it?

However, 

I've recently, after the authorization of @BuddyBigPaw to allow Spike and @Anton to have their very own crew in Hollywood, have taken Anton in my patronage. He's receiving the best education on how to succeed in this life of ours. Nothing. Literally we have had not interaction as to build character. 

He's also still at 5 units at 19 days old. I believe he's trying to make his mentor proud and move to 10 units after 5 (units) *8.5 (days) = 42.5 Days.

So, you're looking at a potential auth of @Anton in about 150 days. Buddy has already authed it in the streets so there's no need for me to do anything (thank god).

When that glorious day comes, expect not one, not two but 3 daily updates from @Anton via mass mails. Leader on the streets and leader on the (paper)sheets. He really loves spreading those envelopes and inserting the letters in. 

So, with that said, Anton and Spike shall be my auths whenever the time comes for them to make it.

I shall remain a Don until such day arrives, and you'll have to bear with Buddy calling me out on the streets.

Someone had to draw the short end of the stick and that just so happened to be all of you.

Good luck!

The fact that it took a week of planning before coming to the streets to celebrate the fact that the drug dealers of LA finally think you capable of handling 60 units of Mary Jane after almost two years of trying says a lot.

If my first born son took two years to take his first steps then I wouldn’t be celebrating it. I’d have had him left on the side of a mountain on a winter’s night. It would have been kinder.

If the gods have a sense of humour then when you do finally challenge the godfather of Hollywood then after a scuffle and a single gunshot it won’t be you emerging into the streets!

Just to clarify - my hope is that Monarch ‘won’t’ be the one to emerge.

In the slightly bastardised words of the late Kevin ‘the Consigliere’ Keegan, the georgie godfather if you will: I’d love it if the pre-existing godfather beat them, love it

As it stands, my most promising, earnest auth to be Anton sits still at the respectful height of a whole 5 units.

Unfortunately, the weather seems to be getting worse, temperatures are rising and I cannot in good conscience challenge the current Godfather of Hollywood in this heat Someone could suffocate

So, I say we do the reasonable thing and get to enjoy some summer holidays before moving on to such trivial and hard tasks such as defying the long-standing godfather. 

These things require a lot of time to prepare, plans to be made, invitations to be sent. My Helicopter can only fly to so many places at once.

We should also probably setup a committee to find out the best course of action from this point.

When will I pull the trigger?

How will I pull the trigger?

Someone needs to deal with the humidity.

What if he happens to be staying in one of the shitty properties that PropertyManager manages? Will we have to involve a different city in the cleanup?

So, for your own sake BuddyBigPaw, you're going to have to be patient for a little longer before having the chance of a lifetime to witness what will be remembered as the greatestest battle that Hollywood has ever seen.

Only one shall come out on top and hopefully that's me so I can keep annoying you longer.

I get it that the suspense is killing you.

I also fear some entire bloodline generations might be born and die and wonder if I will at any point challenge the Godfather.

There is some good news in all this sea of darkness.

Based on the sophisticated projections my highly trained team has done, we're still on track for Anton to hit 25 units. 

Eventually.

Congratulations sir for achieving 60 units :)