The Day Aloysius-Zinni Defeats Phil_Steak And TylerDurden

If you are here for the free cocaine give away I'm sorry. Those fliers were a fake in order to get people here on time. It all started many...days ago. May 18th to be exact. I was sitting in the Philly HQ doing nothing as only I do it best. In strolls Phil_Steak and that's when my day got interesting...


Phil - Aloysius, didn't I tell you to get out there and earn me some money?

Aloysius - (I snore pretending to be asleep. After taking a peek I notice he is still standing there) Uhhh...what? I was sleeping. I was so tired from stealing so many purses today. How many purses did you steal today? THATS WHAT I THOUGHT!

Phil - I was too busy raiding a trucking depo and buying these pants! (He does a cute little twirl showing off his pants, I laugh under my breathe.) These are brand new pants! Straight from laboratory. They are pickpocket proof! They also allow me to move more silently which gives me greater success at pickpocketing!

Aloysius - That's interesting. Do they come in mens sizes as well? (I laugh hysterically and walk away)

Phil - Very funny! Why not put your money where your mouth is? First one to pick the pocket of TylerDurden and live wins!

Aloysius - (I think to myself for a moment. If I win, I get awesome bragging rights. If he tries and Tyler kills him I get a shot at taking over the HQ. This is a win win for me.) Deal! oh yeah. DeadlySin wanted to see you about something urgent. He said meet him in Las Vegas, it sounded important. (The chump fell for it.)

As I headed out of the HQ I couldn't help but think I had this in the bag. Phil was flying to meet no one in Las Vegas and TylerDurden has just been spotted leaving Delaware City with a large group of his armed men. Word on the street? He was headed for Philly first! After waiting about twenty minutes at the airport I spotted them. Not wanting to take them all on at once I tailed Tyler until he was deep within the city. I've known for many years that TylerDurden is a badass. He likes to walk the streets at night alone, challenging anyone stupid enough. I waited for the right moment and slowly approached him from behind.

I reached into his back pocket for his billfold. Slowly I pulled it out and walked away. I thought that seemed too easy so after about a block I open it up. Inside was no cash, just a note. I unfolded it and all it said was, "BANG" I turned around and there he was with his pistol. Both were staring right at me. In a moment of fear I froze until a little noise scared me enough to cause me to run away. "Click"

The gun miss fired giving me just enough time to get away! When I got back to the HQ the next day the word had got around! I was a legend! I needed to rub this in big time! I found Phil as quickly as I could.

Aloysius - I take it you've heard the news?

Phil - I have. You are proud of this?

Aloysius - I won the bet! Why wouldn't I be?

Phil - You PICKPOCKETED! TylerDurden, but walked away with nothing. That isn't much to be proud of! Now get out there and earn some real cash before I send you to the fishes.


As I stood there I had a choice. I could turn around with my tail between my legs and attempt to gain the good graces of my boss by earning money.

OR

I could stand up for myself. Brag about my victory and do nothing for a few days in celebration!

I obviously tucked my tail and went out earning as much cash as I could of. Do you think I'm stupid? Phil is no man to be messed with! Seriously! I'm already wasting too much time with this story! Anyone loan me a couple bucks? It could save my life ya know!

Lazy ass.. you have no room to insult my pants. 

DO SOMETHING!  

So the free coke give away was just a line? hehe I kill me...seriously though, here is a couple bucks.

Anthony walks off wondering why he is always stuck walking.

Sweeney was skipping with his pet frog Mr. Albert in the HQ to Phil_Steak. He only wants me to come meet him just because of my frog...he doesn't like me so much....Skipping towards Phil, he hears the story Aloysius was speaking of. "How awesome that one man is" Sweeney thought to himself. He quickly skips over to him.

Hi, mate! I just want to say that you're cool and don't have to do anymore tribute. Phil doesn't like us...lets revolt!!!

Sweeney takes out a donut and starts eating.

You in?

As Fatal arrives to hear that there were no free cocaine he thinks to himself:

"I knew it was too good to be true."

Listening silently to the story that was told, he generously loans Aloysius some pocket change.

Slash takes pity on the man, knowing the wrath of Phil when he's angry. Slash slips $5 into the pocket of Aloysius-Zinni before he departs to earn his own money

Red-eyed and dreary, Lord_Stark staggers towards Aloysius-Zinni.

Where's the bloody coke??? Give it to me! I want it now!

I believe those new pants are right awesome if I do say so myself. But I must admit, I bought those for KissTheSky last week. Either I'm confuses, or very concerned about what is occuring here