Greetings Friends and Friendettes,

Tis I, your one and only Monarch, once again coming before my dearest public to expose one of the conspiracy theories that is roaming around. By roaming around I mean that I made it up about 5 minutes ago.

Before I begin getting into details however, let me start it with this first:

As some of you might've noticed, Fallensoldier went rogue a couple of days ago and shot some high ranking profiles in this thing of ours.

Among those, one of them was my Helicopter. 

His rotors are probably in a better place.

During the funeral of Interlude (GRHS), someone that caught my eye was also Anton who was allegedly seen weeping, struggling to keep his posture and blaming none other than yours truly. 

Now you might be asking, what did I do this time? 

Great question.

Well, as of Jul 27, 05:17 AM, I am handless. And unfortunately, to make the matters worse, it seems to be the right one. So instead I'm jerking off here. 

Now, despite the collective attempts to keep the helicopter flying, it seems we were not able to succeed and he met his demise.

The Helicopter fell, and alongside him all our hopes and dreams and the chance for Anton to receive auth.

So where does Anton fit in all this you may ask?

Simply told, Anton is unable to hold 25 units which is globally known as the minimum requirement if you want to get into a leadership position.

My family seems to be lacking some leadership.
Mine and all my members maximum units are temporarily limited until your family is fully established.

So TLDR:

Anton needs 25 units.

Anton cannot hold 25 units.

Anton cannot take auth.

Anton remains at 5 units.

Win/win for all of us.

So, despite my attempts to provide Anton with an auth, things seem to be going against him.

So here comes the question. What if this was not a coincidence? What if Follensoldier did not shoot Helicopter out of desperation, rage or confusion?

What if this was a greater play?

What if Falledsoldier hated Anton so much that he removed the one(out of two) people that allows him to hold more units?

I believe this is history in the making.

This is probably the first ever case (recorded) that someone's assassination was carried out to sabotage another persons unit capacity.

I'll be fair, that's a big 200IQ play.

I have at least 80 million reasons to believe that Fallensoldier was actually attempting to clear the way for Anton to take over leadership. It's a well known fact that Anton was banned from the Competitive Writing Competitions for his insatiable desires.

PERHAPS

We need to look at banning him from leadership, lest he causes more wonton destruction. 

Monarch is the only CL murdering maverick we know of.  Thus, he killed Interlude.  Prove me wrong

Just for a fair representation of Anton's leadership capabilities, I have never seen him destroy a wonton. In fact, I believe he is quite fond of them. I seen him woofing down a whole bowl of them with a side of Nuoc Mam. Unless, by "destroy", we're talking about how much he loves to devour them.

Oh, nevermind.

That's exactly what I'm talking about Elijah; an insatiable desire for more. We can't let this type of behavior continue. 

This is democracy manifest. 

Let us go over the facts of this case here:

Anton cannot hold 25 units. FACT.

Anton cannot hold 25 wontons inside of his mouth at once. FACT.

You cannot pronounce the name FallenSoldier without stuttering, because you're infuriated he managed to sabotage the future authing of what was to be your most competent captain. FACT.

Samoose rhymes with "Goose", which makes me disregard anything he has to say. FACT.

Though you're asking questions, many questions even, I don't think you're asking the right questions here. You must dig deeper. You must consult the oracle of philadelphi. You must find a spirit medium and summon the ghost of FallenSoldier. You must ritually sacrifice your remaining hand, Jelly to it. Then, all will be revealed.

That was my point exactly, Lonely Wolf. We should all relax and enjoy some wontons with Anton. For the children.

I came here with the simple question if Anton could hold 25 units but after hearing all of this, it has made me question everything. If he cannot hold 25 wontons how can he possibly hold 25 units? This needs to be studied further.

80 million is a lot of reasons Samoose. If only we had a Lawyer around to list the reasons, that would be really helpful.

The proposal to sacrifice my remaining hand however has been taken under careful consideration and I'm currently discussing it with my board of directors (me) to come to the best outcome.

Monarch I would like to respectfully ask when we're going to hear about whether Jelly will be sacrificed or not and whether we'll smoke his legs over a cozy campfire as the sun sets making for both a delicious and memorable take home ham souvenir for the occasion. We could also consider slathering his ribs in marinade and grilling those for a tasteful post-sacrifice bbq party. I'll bring the cardboard plates plus plastic knives and forks. 

It's what the people want. Give them their bread and circus. Give them their ham.

Jelly I prefer my hams to talk less and be more pleasantly fragrant. I also don't like it when my hams begin to chant in tongues at me. That's the hallmark of a cursed ham which I know from experience leads to spending multiple hours on the porcelain throne writhing in agony.

Let me settle this matter directly with Monarch. We'll call you when the charcoal grill is nice and sizzling. There will be marshmallows for desert.