In the hot desert heat, SweetieLovelySpikes toiled away... And looked around. 

Well, so there I was at the worksite of Archy’s Pyramids. There were a lot of rocks and big stones. I’d been drinking some water from a well. Hadn’t gotten too much done today. Moved some rocks. Stacked some others. Archy wasn’t really paying much attention today; there was very little whipping. As his slave, this is how I am kept in line usually…

Today was a day that I was not kept in line.

In the past few weeks, the great Conqueeftador was murdered by Pspsps. This was supposedly friendly fire. Supposedly. But whether it was or not… A tragedy had happened. Conqueeftador was a very important individual. So important… that while dilly dallying at the worksite, I decided I should actually get to building a pyramid: The Great Pyramid of Conqueeftador.

I had to find the grave of Conqueeftador… The body was thrown in a dumpster. Garbage collection has been pretty shoddy lately… so it was still there.

The body needed to be prepared… I’m not really into the whole jars and organs thing, but I figured, why not. Let’s make this proper. So, I dug into his body with both hands. Took out what I could. Jarred what needed to be jarred. Stuck some thing in his nose and scooped out what I could too. More jars. Now came the fun part. I raided the laundry bin of that sultry Elijah_Yoder, and found a bunch of pantyhose. I used this to wrap the now Pharaoh Conqueeftador. He’s a mummy now. I looked around near Archy’s Pyramid and found a box with some bones and shit in it. It was gold and seemed to be pretty ornate. Dumped out whatever dusty bits were in there, and now Conqueeftador had a sarcophagus of his own. Placed the jars inside too, and shut it closed.

Still, he had a sarcophagus, so that’s like a step in the right direction, but there was no pyramid.

I dug a hole and decided Archy wouldn’t mind if I moved like a few thousand of his monolith blocks, and started stacking. I’m a builder. At some point, I slid the sarcophagus in the middle, and continued building around it. A great and tall Pyramid. A Pyramid fit for Conqueeftador.

After a long day’s work, in thirst, I drank from the wrong jar, some Conqueeftador remnants. Threw up a bit. But at least my work was done, and I went seeking a nice well to drink from in the desert and matzah to eat after my thirst was quenched.

Elijah stands back, arms crossed, looking over the work of the contracted indentured servant. It was terrible, as expected. Completely unbefitting the mafia basketball player it was meant to honor...

Suddenly, to his horror, Elijah notices that someone actually PAID the contractor for his work.

"No, no, no, please don't do that. We have a very special employment arrangement with the Builder so that he will not be needing any financial compensation for his work."

"SweetieLovelySpikeS, please see Archy for a dozen lashes immediately. Request more if you feel you deserve it. Do not take money from the tourists. As punishment, you are now contracted to build a furry Sphinx with the face of Madoka."

Archy arrived at the worksite expecting excuses, delays, and perhaps another dead member of the Spike bloodline. Instead, to his surprise, there was actually something standing there. He stood before the newly built pyramid, quietly studying the work with his hands folded behind his back. For once, there were stones stacked where stones were meant to be stacked.

I must admit, Spike, I expected excuses. Instead, you have delivered a pyramid, a questionable funeral service, and what I strongly suspect is one of my missing ornate boxes being used for purposes it was never intended for. That deserves punishment, though I will need time to think of something worthy of the committed crime .

He glanced towards Elijah_Yoder, then back at SweetieLovelySpikeS.

As for tourists paying you, Elijah_Yoder is right. That is not how our arrangement works. You are a slave with no recognized claim to revenue. So, any money earned from pyramid-related admiration goes directly to management, preservation, and replacing whatever sacred objects you keep turning into furniture.

Anyway, progress is progress. You may keep the matzah for now, but tomorrow we discuss inventory, boundaries, and your crimes against architecture.