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| Employment Opportunity - Easy Money | Started by: OuchI`mDead on Oct 06, '07 15:27 |
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The most incredibly handsome man ever seen steps out onto the sidewalk looking for potential applicants for his most recent job opening. Seeing no one worthy of working for him, he posts a notice on a nearby street lamp. ATTENTION! Since many of our street dwellers are currently low ranked and poor (lol), in my infinite generosity I thought I would offer a chance for one of you pathetic creatures to earn a decent income. Right now I am unsatisfied with the amount of asskissing I have received lately, so I would like to hire a professional. The pay is a respectable $100,000 per week, and the amount of effort required is not too burdensome. Interested individuals should contact me directly by mail, at which time they will be given an assignment. Most likely, this will involve making a street speech declaring your love and admiration for yours truly. Once the speech is approved by me, it may be offered to the public, after which time an advance payment in the form of a check for $50,000 will be immediately delivered. The second portion of your weekly pay will be delivered on the following Sunday, which will be your normal payday after the first week. Other responsibilities will include a weekly public address similar to your original speech, the topic to be determined by me (That's right, you won't even have to come up with your own topic). Also, I would like to have morale support following every comment I make in public. Nothing fancy...a simple "That's right, FP. You sure do know what you're talking about. I wish I were you." will suffice. I reserve the right to change the job description at any time, but I will guarantee that the pay rate will not change without sufficient notice. A pay raise may even be given for an exceptional asskisser. Currently I am only hiring one individual. I'm only a Gangster, and the amount of asskissing needed is proportional to rank. As I grow in rank and stature, and come closer to the rank and time at which I will take over and kill everyone, I will obviously need to hire more asskissers. A Don with only one asskisser is unacceptable, after all. To the applicants, this may be a mutually beneficial relationship. Not only will your employment give me a reason to let you live, but the other, less important people, may even recognize your talents and give you additional freelance work. The doors this opportunity will open are endless. As I said, only one position exists right now, so interested candidates should waste no time in applying. Thank you, and have a pleasant day. |
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Interesting. Does it then stand to reason that from now on, I must pay before I insult you? |
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| Reply by: Sprozza at Oct 06, '07 16:43 | |
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| Now Sprozza, what fun would insults be if you had to pay for them? | |
| Reply by: TheMarine at Oct 06, '07 17:21 | |
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| I prefer snidely commenting about you anyway FP! I'm not lowering myself to being an asskissing minion. | |
| Reply by: FlashFireIsGheyzor at Oct 07, '07 08:59 | |
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| You have no choice in the matter, FFIG. The only difference between accepting this position and being any other mobster is that with this you get paid for. If you don't want it, you can kiss my ass for free. | |
| Reply by: OuchI`mDead at Oct 07, '07 10:43 | |
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